argh it must be really hard for you. Ummmmmm I give DS some toys to play with that helps him to fall asleep.
I have heard that kids with big tonsils/agnoids have more problems and once they are out it is like they are a different child but that is a long process too

Have you tried the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Prately? I know people who have used it with sucess. Thinking of you.