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Thread: Am I taking something away from her?

  1. #1

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    Default Am I taking something away from her?

    Ok so as usual I have no idea where to put this, so mods move it if you need to...



    Well, since finding out about my surprise pg, I have been worrying about how I'm going to cope with all of the logistics of it with a newborn and a 16 mth old. I know I'll manage somehow, lots of people have.
    But mostly I am also worrying about what its going to mean for my DD. I have been in tears thinking about what I'm going to deprive my DD of. She will still be a baby herself and unable to understand what it means to have a newborn. She won't get so much attention, when she is the centre of our world now. She will get less cuddles, she will have to grow up before her time. I'm so worried how this will affect her.
    If you have had your children close together, how did you find it? Did you worry about these things, how did you overcome them. All I can think about is is what a new baby will do to Lily. Don't get me wrong, I am happy about my pg and I guess when baby comes it will all be fine, but I can't get these thoughts out of my mind.

  2. #2

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    You might find that she will be blissfully ignorant of even having a sibling for a while as at that age they still tend to function in their own little world kwim? Sometimes you might have a problem if they both want something at the same time, but that can happen no matter how old they are. The older child still gets plenty of attention and plenty of cuddles still. I never found it to be an issue where they grew up quicker either when they are still so little (even though I had a bigger gap). You do notice though that when baby arrives that they do just seem *big* in general kwim? You see just how much they can do for themselves and all of a sudden it's like they have grown up overnight once you go back to holding and caring for a newborn again - but it's a good thing kwim?

  3. #3

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    Firstly - how wonderful that LIly will have such a close friend and sibling. COngratulations

    Kell - hon bigs hugs matie. I know exactly were you are coming from. My boys are 18 months apart and I was so worried about Nikolaus' reaction and my own that I use to be in tears all the time. I should never have worried...Nikolaus was so fasinated by this new little person it wasnt funny.
    My next one is due *gulp* in just over 2 weeks and vy will be 16 months like Lily will be when you have your new baby. We keep asking Vy were's the baby and she comes over and kisses my belly. I think younger children have a 6th sences about these things and are alot more adapting then older children. We are planning to involve her with everything we can in relation to our new addition. As hard as it might seem, let them 'help' in their special way, even if you have to clean up afterwards or remove something later...show them love by giving them the love you have. My second son has autisum and I was very worried about his reaction to having Vy, I would be feeding her and giving him a cuddle at the same time, while he was holding her hand (this was as a newborn to).
    You'll be amazed how much your darling Lily will take into her stride and how much she loves helping mummy.

  4. #4

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    Oh thankyou girls, I have been thinking about this all day and this has eased my mind. I am in tears reading it...damn pg hormones! I think it will be great in a way for Lil to have a close sibling I really hope they are best friends. Thankyou!!

  5. #5

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    Any time Kell - wait in a couple of years time you'll be sitting there admiring the friendship your 2 darling will share. I often sit back and watch the my boys when they think im not there and it makes my heart bust with love.
    Stop crying to woman....im just as hormonal pmsl
    merry Christmas mate

  6. #6

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    Kellie, I have posted about this before, but I too shared your worries. Personally I think there must a special hormone pg that you get in subsequent pgs just for this exact type of guilt and worry. But having too close together, while definitely hard work, is very rewarding. From the day Tom was born my boys have been great mates, and nothing lifts my heart like watching the two of them playing and making each other laugh. Every photo I have of the two of them together has Jack with his arm around Tom, holding his hand or patting his head - and this isn't staged, it is just how they interact. I know without a doubt that anything Jack has missed out from me because of his sibling's arrival, he has gained at least twofold from having a brother.

    The very best advice I can give you, is that the first few weeks with a newborn and toddler are probably going to be harder than you imagine. So prepare for this and do everything you can ahead of time to make it easier. Then, we you get there, remember that it passes really quickly and does get easier after that.

    Also, make sure you talk to your DD about the new baby all the time. It's so hard to know what they understand at that age, but talk as if she does understand. Jack did (he was 19 months when Tom was born), so your DD well might too. And don't forget to also let her know that you will be away from home for a while when the baby arrives - we kind of missed explaining that one to Jack ahead of time and that was the only thing that upset him.

    GL with it all Kellie. It has it's moments LOL, but is well worth it.

  7. #7

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    Oh don't worry about it If bringing a new baby home deprives the first of attention, then the 2nd baby will be forever deprived of attention coz they've always had to share the attention. (if that makes sense)

    Tallon too has been fascinated with Kayla, and just smothers her in kisses and cuddles and giggles when she breastfeeds. They're 19 months apart.

    I agree with MantaRay, prepare the toddler for you being away for a bit... Kayla came early so we hadn't really got around to preparing Tallon for that ... and then I was away for 3 weeks! Took him a little while to forgive me I think, but he got over it But he took it out on me, not Kayla, which I'm pleased about.

    Congratulations.. and enjoy every moment

  8. #8

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    LOL Liz, we were the same. Tom was only 4 weeks early but it threw our plans out. I was away for a week and Jack took it out on me, he loved Tom from day one. I am glad everything has settled down for you now Liz.

  9. #9
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    i cant offer you any advise really, but i just wanted to say that im sure Lily will be just fine, she will love to help with the baby im sure. Krystal has a doll which she just loves (this doll comes everywhere!) since about 16/17 months, she has taken an interes in dressing/feeding/wrapping her 'baby'. maybe lily has a doll that she can use to 'copy' what you do with the newborn?

  10. #10

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    When i was pregnant with my second I too used to worry all of the time, and wondered "how can i love another child as much as i love my firstborn?" How can i give her the attention she is used to? For us it was fine. Sure we had to deal with a few little jealousy issues in the beginning, but i had plenty of time to give my eldest all the cuddles she was used to , and more
    I guess in those first few months the new baby will probably sleep quite alot, so you'll still have plenty of one on one time with Lily. I found that feeding times were the hardest , so i just made sure that my oldest had plenty of toys to keep her occupied (i kept them in a separate basket and got them out at feeding times)
    They have always been such great friends too. When Hannah (my third) was born I worried about the effect it would have on Jess and Zoe, so i think those concerns are there no matter what the age gap.
    Congratulations on the pregnancy!!
    Last edited by Patooties; December 23rd, 2007 at 09:50 PM. Reason: initial post typed one handed whilst holding bub :)

  11. #11

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    Try and think of the positives! They will be good friends, they'll be able to entertain each other and play when they are a bit older, the older ones can be included to "help" with the younger one so will be included more that way... and most importantly there will be twice as much love in the house :-)

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