crying crying cryinngggg

[Butterfly_Princess]

Cassius2 Sorry i posted when you posted lol
Thanks heaps for your reply!! I feel so much better (and so does DP) I must admit isabell loves going for drives in the car, im unsure if she actually sleeps while in the car, coz most times ill ge tout and see her and she will be wide eyed and seeming to be quite happy, looking all cute in her car seat. But it costs lots to go for drives all the time, so i try and think of excuses to go for a drive all the time lol.
I must admit, i am a bit nervous to take isabell out to a shopping centre, i dont know if this is a normal feeling at all??

I love her so much, she is so beautiful and she is my everything (as is my DP) and i just hurt so much when she is crying so much and no matter what i try it doesnt seem to be good enough, its so painful and it tortures me. Id do anything for her.

[~clover~]

I know how you feel. DD2 was kinda the oppisite to your little one. She had Colic. She would start between 5 & 7 at night & scream til 3am. Every night.
By the time she finally went to sleep I was crying out of frustration! I have to admit that I looked at our concrete walls in a whole new light. - I would never hurt one of my kids, but when you are pushed that far, stupid things go through your mind.
I then had DD1 getting up at 7am. I was getting 4 hours sleep a night. For 10 weeks.
She slept great once she was asleep. Wouldn't wake till 2 in the afternoon. I think about twice for feeds & thats it.
So she did sleep through the day, but I had a mischevious 3 year old as well, so I couldn't.
Being the time of night she did it, I couldn't go for walks & all that. All I could do was stress & feel like I wasn't good enough. PND hit pretty bad with her & I was put on anti depressants.
You can try what everyone else suggested. I spent hours walking back & forth in my lounge room holding her, or using a sling, trying to get her to take a dummy. I had no help too.
The best thing I can say is be patient. I know it's hard, but it does get better. DH used to lay with her on his chest coz they like the sound of the heart beat & it helped a bit. you could try it.
Just remember that you are doing the best you can. You are a great mum. You are just having a hard time at the moment.
Offer constant breast feeds if it helps. Don't worry about doing the wrong thing by always feeding or constantly holding, or even walking away for 10 minutes to take a breath. No more than 10 minutes though. Try leaving the tv on, vaccuming, putting music on. All these can help.
Babies don't like quiet.

Anyways, I hope at least something in here helps. It will get better, I promise.

[christy]

ahhh you have tried so much. I'm sorry if my post seemed like I was condeming you, far from it.

Matilda did this starting from around 4 weeks, she would scream. It didn't matter if I was holding her or not, and I felt so guilty when I put her down and walked away. So even though I posted about cortisol and all of that, sometimes, not a regular thing... its the best thing for her.

I guess with all you have done the best thing may be to take her to someone for help. With Matilda, I went the general method. I went to GP's, Paediatricians, sleep school and MCHN's. With Jovie, I went the alternative route, I went to a lactation consultant first because her stuff affected her feeding. Then I took her to a chiro and then an acupuncturist. We got the most and best relief from acupuncture out of everything we did, for either child. And we found out at the same time that Jovie reacted to cows milk products and soy. So I changed my diet and Jovie got better without anything else. A few months later Matilda was diagnosed with a severe milk allergy.

A few people who have been known to be help with reflux:

osteopaths
chiropractors
acupuncturist
lactation consultants

I would start one at a time. Concentrate on one thing and in a week if you haven't found relief, move on. Sometimes it helps to have GP's working with alternative therapies to get the best relief.

[Cassius2]

Hi MummyMeg!

LOL at the 'all cute in the backseat'!! so true! at least she is calm though!

yeah, i think the shopping centre fear is there for all of us first timers! but i bit the bullet pretty early on in the process as it is a place FULL of desperately overtired mums and bubs, you see us everywhere pushing bubs around while they sleep peacefully away in the prams...so there is some solidarity...also, the parent rooms are a good place to go when bubs is screaming and needs a feed as invariably there are other mums with bubs doing the exact same thing. i found that i haunted shopping centres, cafes (have a coffee - decaf if necessary! while bubs is feeding or sleeping), or if worse comes to worse go for a walk around the neighbourhood...DH and I found that we got to know our area SO MUCH better after having DD! LOL!!

i also recommend joining a parents group (if you havent already). this was my saving grace as it meant that despite having horrible nights and days i could go somewhere and vent and compare notes with other mums. it was also GREAT to see other mums going through the same things as me! made me realise that DD wasnt crying because i was doing the wrong thing, she was crying, because that's just what they do! now 9 months down the track we are great friends and meet up a couple of times a week, for much needed coffees...

Also, remember, if things get really tough on the sleep front there is always the sleep school option. i recommend giving tresillian or QE2 a call and trying to book in. there is generally a waiting list, so put your name down and if in the 2 months things sort out, great, otherwise hang in there and go along. everyone of the mums in my group that have gone have found it really helps. Also there are day sleep schools that you can go to, generally run through the MACH centres. talk to your nurse or on the helpline. i went to the day one and it changed my life! (i went when DD was 6 weeks). check it all out online, there is alot out there. also, if you are interested in more attachent style, there are some great people who can come to you and give you some ideas on what to do. for this i recommend starting out with Pinky McKay (she has her own website...google her name...sorry not sure if i can mention it on here...).

[Diamond75]

Hi Meg,

Noticed that someone reccommended Chiro. I just wanted to second that! My DS was a "screamer" and nothing could stop him. I started to take him to a Chiro at about 6wks and it definately made a huge improvement to his overall wellbeing. I know it can sound extreme sending a baby to a chiro but it is all very very gentle and DS didn't even flinch throughout it. I'm not sure whereabouts you are but I saw Dr Adams from the Adams Family Practice on Hutton Street Osborne Park.

Good luck and sending you plenty of sleep vibes!

[Dragonbub]

Meg and Ben,
I notice you are in Perth? you can call Ngala and they are a big big help. We had serious isssues with Caden at 6 weeks and I phoned them constantly. In the end we took him there for a day stay and it was the best thing we ever did. He was 11 weeks by then and it made the world of difference. They are so gentle and serene, and really know their stuff. Plus you can see a social worker and get it all out.

I know how hard it can be, it was perhaps the hardest thing I have done in my life. It breaks your heart over and over again and you are so tired and desperate.

You might wonder, as I did, what they can do to help, but they listen to the bub, look at their body language and translate it for you. They teach you the difference in cries, and with all their experience they will be able to tell if it is a pain cry or other.

Going to your GP is great too, but they are doctors and are quick to prescribe medicine - ours did, Caden was diagnosed with reflux, but the tablets didn't work so I took him off them. Funny, after Ngala, his "reflux" disappeared. Doctors are not privvy to those terrible moments when the baby is screaming, so a more lengthy visit with a child specialist is better.

I also recommend a paediatric chiro as someone else said. There is one near Fremantle on Canning Highway that I use for Caden. That also seems to help him sleep better during the day. PM me if you want the name.

Lastly, it DOES get better. By 12 weeks things will have improved so much. You are doing a FANTASTIC job as parents, otherwise you wouldn't have tried everything and anything to help this poor little soul. I am in Fremantle also, so again, PM me if you need someone to chat to or give you some moral support.

*hugs*

[mrscricket]

Meg - you poor thing! I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but are you wrapping her for sleeps? I didn't wrap DS once we got home from hospital and couldn't get him to sleep, but once I realised there was a reason why they made me do it at hospital I started again and he slept so much better. Firstly he couldn't fling his arms around and hit himself in the head and also there was the comfort thing of being all snuggly and warm in his wrap.
My DS has reflux and our chiro worked well - but we did also use medication. You can try elevating your cot matress a bit if she prefers to be more upright - use a pillow or rolled up towel.

[Butterfly_Princess]

Thanks so much every one,
I have booked her in to see a chiro, so hopefully things will improve at least a little bit.
We also spoke to the child nurse (we had appt yesterday) and she said Isabell is fine (physical wise lol) and that we are doing a great job. She is being loved and not neglected and hurt, and thats the best we can do for her she also said there is no wrongs and rights (which i knew any way) as long as yeah she is being loved and treated right.
I think i might also get her checked out for reflux or silent reflux just incase

You have all been a wonderful help!!

[~Trish~]

I'm so glad you have booked her into a chiro. I took our youngest DS to our paediatric chiro when he had reflux and the reflux was gone a few days after the visit! I also took my eldest DS when he was 10 weeks old because he was so unsettled all the time, it turns out his right shoulder had been dislocated from birth and nobody had picked up on it. He was a new baby after he was fixed up.

How long do you keep your DD up for during the day before giving her a nap? Babies of your bubs age can usually only handle between 45 - 60 minutes of wake time (this includes feeding time) before needing a nap. Once they get over-tired they become hysterical and extremely difficult to settle. I was keeping my DS2 up for too long when he was younger and when I cut his wake time back he settled and slept heaps better.

Also, what settling techniques do you use when you put her in the cot? I had a MCHN show me some settling methods for DS2 which worked wonders. I gave him a dummy and wrapped him, then put him on his side in the cot and patted his back rhythmically and made a "shhh" sound quite loudly in his ear. He would soon go quiet and then eventually go to sleep.

If all else fails, I highly recommend trying an Amby baby hammock!

[Mumma2three]

We have done the chiro from birth too. She's now 2 and a ahalf and we were there today!!

I just wanted to say that it sounds similar to my DD's and I know now that they were both overtired. After 9 weeks, we would put DD in the cot and go in every minute until she settled. She was never alone for more than that, but what came of it was that she knew her cot was for sleep and ever since then (DD2) cot is for bed and I don't get her up once she's in. I even used to pat her in the cot for an hour or two at a time, rather than get her up, as i knew she was tired and I knew she would sleep. It also meant sanity for me, as I could put her down and knew that even if it took a bit of patting, she was going to sleep and I'd get "my time" to revive myself!!!
Good luck xoxo
PS I have to say though, that at 7 weeks, neither of mine slept AT ALL. Not even during the night for more than a hour or two!

[KatieRabbit]

I found overtiredness a big issue at that age (and still do). My DD cried and was unsettled for hours and hours day and night and it is very debilitating being that exhausted and at your wits end. Like others have said, I would go with trying to get her to sleep ANWAY after 45 mins of being awake (including feeds, changing etc). This includes being rocked, fed, walked to sleep- whatever it takes. Once the overtiredness cycle starts it is very difficult to get out of and bubs finds it impossible to get to sleep. Even if you have to hold baby for an hour or two during the day to get her to sleep it beats days of crying..

[Lulu]

Did you check out the ACA clip Kelly posted? Good stuff....

[BeautifulMadness]

I think she just needs you around she is only 7 weeks old,she needs to know she is safe and its ok.

[SSmiles]

Sounds like my DS...he was a shocker and rarely slept...day or night... (He still has issues now unfortunately) I was lucky if DS would sleep for 20 minutes during the day and he woke maybe 6 times a night for a feed still (every 2 hours) for months. I know that doesn't make you feel any better but eventually it does get better...it may take a while though.

Personally I don't agree with leaving a tiny baby crying for too long, and even now we do 2, 4, 6 and sometimes 8 minute intervals for our DS (he's 21 months)...but I understand that everyone does what they feel is best and what they can cope with.

The only suggestion I have is that maybe she has bad wind and/or reflux problems (I'm a 'pro' dealing with those unfortunately)...with DS it certainly caused problems with his sleep and he just wanted to be held upright all the time.

Anyway, good luck and I hope it improves soon for you.

[Barb Glare]

HI,

Baby's crying cuts through you like a knife, doesn't it? It's meant to, but that doesn't make it any easier. I was wondering, is your little one breastfed or bottlefed? How many feeds would she have in 24hrs? Is she gaining weight? At this age, she will rely on you heavily to help her settle and sleep. At this age, she is not able to "learn" by being left to cry. A little crying can help some babies "wind down" (that grizzly sort of cry) but other times they just get really wound up, and that makes getting to sleep more difficult. The interesting thing about babies is, the more sleep they get, the more sleep they seem to want. If a baby has been up for about an hour and a half then they will be tired and want to go to sleep. Has anyone explained how to read you baby's "tired signs"? Often, when they become tired they will start crying or whinging, turn away from you when they have been playing and "crack it" or shut off, or rub at their eyes and suck their fists. So, you might like to just make a note of what the time will be an hour and a half after she wakes up. Then, note what she is doing around that time. It takes practice! For the first few days you might want to feed her, rock her, cuddle her or put her in the sling to go to sleep - so she feels that going to sleep is a nice feeling, not a scary feeling. When she is "really" a sleep (pick up their arm and let it drop and if they don't stir they might be asleep enough to put down.) If you "miss the cues" ie dad comes home, and picks up baby and distracts her, she will "wake up" and won't seem tired, but then may be harder to put to sleep later. Kind of like when we are all snuggled down in bed, having cleaned our teeth, gone to the toilet etc and then the phone rings, or something happens and then you can't go to sleep for hours. Often when the daytime sleeps are sorted out a bit, then the nightime sorts itself out. People tend to want to start with the night-time, because that causes so much grief - but you are all tired! And it's hard to stick to a plan. You might want to show your DP this post so that you two are on the same page. Also, if you have been going out a lot, you might want to spend a few days on this, maybe when your dp is home from work so that you have support, and some-one else to hold a sleeping baby. This stage doesn't last forever, it will pass!
Regards
Barb