Day 11 & struggling

[lullabyblue]

Hi, I am finding it really difficult at the moment with my lil boy. I seem to have one good day then one bad day- but the bad days are getting worse!!!! He goes through really wakeful periods where he just won't fall asleep- today he was awake from 6am to 2.00pm- then he completely crashes out. I know he is obviously getting overtired but car trips or walks in the pram only lead to about 20 mins of sleep time once we are home. He is just so unsettled. I offer the breast- he sucks for about 10 mins & he gets sleepy but then wide awake again. I don't think it is wind but have given him Infants Friend. Today he fed at 5.15am, 8.15am, 9.15am, 11.00am, & 1.00pm - but some of them were not full feeds- just snacks which I know is bad!!!! Of course it is bliss when he finally zonks it but then I get very fearful as I know it's going to be soooo bad at night. Do I have enough milk??????? Is this normal behaviour???????? Today when the midwife visited I was bawling my eyes out so now am being referred to a mental health nurse. I just hate that he is crying so much and I can't seem to settle him. Any suggestions???????

[christy]

Its hard work mate, I may move this over to baby general discussion where more might find it.

I know I planned with my second for the first month of her life to just go with the flow. I would feed her when she needed it & sometimes it was hourly, or two hourly rarely in the first few weeks was it 3 hours between feeds.

In the first few weeks don't worry about snacks vs full feeds, every stimulation is good stimulation for both the breasts & the baby learning sucking. I found the 10 -14 day growth spurt really was painful for both my girls. Most of the time I spend in tears. You are doing a great job.

[Kazbah]

I don't think I actually slept in my bed for the first 6 weeks - I more or less camped out on the recliner chair and held him for that time. I rejoiced every time I could put him down for half an hour!

It does get easier, you're trying BF which is great, I was trying to express, sterilise, do FF and BF and my life was hell - but after a little while both Pip & I sorted each other out and we both would sleep.

Can you get your parents / his parents / friends / anyone to help you and your partner? Kaz Cooke wrote in her book something like "get every guest to fold a basket of washing" and don't be afraid to accept help. Everyone loves a new life - so if you have your church or community coming to visit and offering to clean, accept it. If they bring frozen meals - then accept and smile. It's really hard going - but so worth it.

if you're having trouble settling him, get other people to do it - the smell of you and your milk could be stimulating him. good luck!

*hugs*

you're doing a great job, stick with it.

[leebee81]

The only thing I can suggest is trying to "wake" him for a longer feed. Oliver will doze off on the boob, but usually a gentle tap on the cheek, or a tickle on the back, etc will wake him enough so he keeps sucking. If that doesn't work I change his nappy which wakes him up, then I put him back on and he usually has another go. I find Oliver really only grizzles if he is hungry (even if it seems like I just feed him, if I put him back on he will feed like he is starving!) or has wind/gas. But yeah, my midwife said I should just feed him as much as he wants and try to wake him if he falls asleep too quickly.

[CrystalBoo]

First of all - YEY on the BF! Keep it up, it releases feel-good chemicals in both of you! My DD was ALWAYS falling asleep during feeding and nothing would wake her so she fell into a pattern of really regular feeding. The health nurse was always saying 'oh she's having a vegemite sandwich instead of her meat and veg. Get her to have both breasts at once' Easier said than done and I worried a lot about having enough milk and how much she had at once and looking back now, I wish I had known to just not stress! To this day she feeds sometimes two hourly sometimes four or three - whatever, and it's all fine! And the fear when they are asleep? I know it and probably so does everyone - are they going to wake any minute? Do I have time to eat? You find yourself just waiting for the cry and spend your whole time stressed when you could be relaxing. I finally had to consciously make the decision 'ok, if she wakes it's ok. I will just try another feed/bath/walk around the yard' All this is not very practical advice, I know, but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your feelings and worries. One thing I will suggest is trying a little lie-down feed - maybe you will both get some sleep together. Good luck and don't feel bad about seeing and talking to someone about it all - it's a great decision. :hugs:

[Claire]

You're doing a great job - well done!

Those first few weeks are really tough especially if you have a wakeful baby which my first was. My only suggestion is to feed, feed, feed - forget about how often and for how long and try and get as much rest as you can. You need the stimulation and baby obviously wants to be close.

Do you wear your baby? A sling would be great to carry bubs around and still feed if you want to.

[2CheekyMonkeys]

i agree you are doing a great job! my DD was just like this!!!!!! it is so hard, so tiring and so frustrating at times! you get used to it, then they change for the better, you get used to that then they change for the worse again! but with time it does get better. i found when my DD was at this stage i kept comparing her to other more 'easy going' babies and what was 'expected' of her at her age and what the 'experts' were telling me and it really makes you doubt yourself and your baby. it made me quite upset on many occasions.

the only advice i can say is... do whatever makes him sleep, (car, walk, sleep with him on you, co-sleep) whatever gets you a little bit of a sleep as well. my DD slept in her basinet for all of about 1 night!!! then slept on my chest while i slept on the couch, then slept on me while i was in bed, then next to me in bed, while DH got to sleep in spare room, eventually DH moved back into our bed, then at about 6 months i got her into her cot during the day only but that lasted about 2 months. she slept on our bed during the day. woke for a comfort feed back to sleep 2 hourly until about 16 months old! finally got her in her bed during the night and sleeping for most of the night and that was at 18months! but during this time i learnt to accept her for how she felt comfortable in sleeping and stopped thinking about all the other good litlle babies doing what babies were supposed to do.


i agree you should try a lying down feed cause that is truly how i got through all those months! and yep, sounds like you have a snacker! mine was too. i couldnt find a way to get her out of this habit, just fed on demand even though at times i felt like oh my god get off me!

sorry for the long post! whoopsy... but yeah, it does get better, and you will start feeling more confident with time and the more you get to know you little one.
(but it is hard work) :-)

[Kitty's Mum]

I take it from your thread your baby is only 11 days old? Baby's can often take a few weeks to settle into feeding, I suppose birth and being out in the big wide world can be a bit of a shock to them too. He may be sucking for comfort, which would explain his frequent feeds during the day. How is he sleeping during the night?

My first was very similar to this, when he would want a feed I would try sooth him other ways first, walking around, singing or maybe a walk outside, if after about 10 or 15 minutes he was still fussing then I would feed him. That way I was sure he was hungry and not just needing attention. I also used to keep him in the pram in the house so as I went from room to room doing housework I'd just pull him around after me so he could constantly hear my voice.

Do you have much support, is there someone who could come over for an hour every other day so you could catch up on some you time?

[Mother Goose]

My DD was like this when she was the same age. She would (literally) scream for 7 hours straight before sleeping from exhaustion. It lasted three days before getting better. My maternal child health nurse identified it was a mix of colic and me missing her tired signs. So at the first sign of a whimper, I began wrapping her and popping her into her bed - and it worked! It did take a while though. I also found a walk would send her off to the land of nod but as soon as I got home she was awake... so I just kept walking so she would get the sleep she needed.

Hang in there - you're doing a brilliant job.

MG

[KatieRabbit]

It all sounds very normal to me too. My DD did the exact same as your sleep wise for the first few weeks. We just couldn't get her to sleep and tried everything. Like yours too, she would be awake for 10 hours at a time with a few 5 minute naps thrown in to tide her over. It is very exhausting and emotional for you. But hang in there. Get some help over, get sleep when you can, forget housework and feed and hold baby when you can. It won't last forever. Speaking to someone should help you but sleep accounts for a lot about how we feel about things and how we face stuff. I felt as though I was struggling and not coping for weeks. But it doesn't matter if u feel like this- because no-one expects you to 'cope'. Some good advice I got was to use the baby bonus on a clean (if the house bothers you), and lactation consultant (if needed), takeaway meals etc etc. It is okay to feel as though you are struggling but now is the time to ring up family and friends and say "Come over.I need a hand". Slings are great too.

[lullabyblue]

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words- it is comforting to know it is not just me who has gone through it. Last night & today have been very good which has given me a chance to recharge my batteries. Let's see what tomorrow brings hey!

[MantaRay]

As the others have said, this is totally normal. The timing really sucks - when you are at your most tired from pg, labour and birth, you get the least amount of sleep and rest. It is so overwhelming for the first few weeks and this is what people don't tell you. I don't know why, because we all go through it, but no-one discusses it. Anyway, the good news is that this will pass. SOmetime around the 8 -12 week mark everything usually settles down. I know that sounds like a long way off, but really it will go quickly, and it will probably start to gradually get better before then. Plus you'll also have lots of rewarding moments to remind you why you did this!!!! Hang in there and remember the mantra - this too shall pass!!

[Doing my best]

You are doing well . I am sure all new mothers cry and wonder if they are doing it right. My little girl has always been a shocker for not sleeping in the day, but it does get easier.. I found the best thing for getting Kimberley to sleep is the rocker as the motion continues until you turn it off (i would wake her getting out of the car, and she would sense the pram stopping).. Sometimes I would leave it going for 2 hours just to make sure she slept. I still use this method about once a week.

Heather