I need to vent...

[aniejade]

Ok i didn't know which would be the best section to post this. And it will be long, so you don't have to read it. I just need to talk.

My baby boy is 12weeks old and suffers from severe colic. Since he was born he has always been a 'screamer'. Then the doc put it down to colic, and from the research i have done he has all the symptoms.

I am a young mum...19...but i planned to be a young mum. And Khai is my first baby. So this experience hasn't been as joyfull as hoped. Don't get me wrong...i love my son as much as a mother could, but i have definatley felt like he'd be better off with someone else. No one ever warned me about colic.

I admit at times i wished i could give him to my mother until he 'grew out' of the colic. I really hope mothers of coliky baby's can relate, and that im not just a *****. But things just got so bad, i just got so frustrated, i would spend almost everyday just crying.

I would get no sleep at night, nor during the day so i was constantly tired and cranky. I couldn't take him out, and felt like i couldn't take him anywhere as he was just constantly screaming. I just wanted to stay at home alone all day everyday, where no-one else could hear him scream.

I wouldn't be able to leave him with anyone whilst i had a sleep or anything either...because i felt they would all get way too frustrated with the crying and i felt i was the only one who 'had' to 'put up' with it as he was my son. And i felt like the family didn't even want to be around him with his constant crying.

At times i had to just put him in his cot, turn the music up and let him scream and scream for as long as 10minutes. It was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do.

And i'll admit i yelled at my baby I would get that angry, and i know it was never his fault, but i would yell...begging him to stop screaming.

I have never been so frustrated in my life. I was frustrated at all the screaming. I was frustrated that there was nothing i could do to help my baby. I was frustrated that my partner was getting frustrated. And i was frustrated that i was getting frustrated with my poor innocent child.

I thought i must have had post-natal depression as i was constantly angry or crying, and didn't want to leave the house. And at times felt like i didn't want my baby Even the guilt of feeling like that breaks my heart.

There were more than a few times that i just wanted to run away, i felt someone else would be more capable of dealing with it. It really tested me, tested my relationship with his father. I regret not being able to enjoy every momment of my babys first few months. But i am so proud of myself. Although i had all of these feelings, i contained them, and i honestly feel like i am a terrific mother, and i know i am doing my absolute best. Even friends with babies say they admire me, as they didn't have coliky babies...they don't know how they would have dealt.

Altho i have worded this in past tense...it is all still my current situation. I have honestly tried everything. Infants friend seems to help sometimes. And he is on lovec for reflux.

Please, PLEASE tell me there are mothers who can relate. I would love to hear your stories. I need your help and support.

[*charmalea*]

awww .. my son never had colic but i have been around a few that have ...but i cant say i know what you mean but i sypmathise and giving you hugs !!
your doing great and if he 3mths now it wont be long before hes out grown colic

[nelly]

aniejade that sounds like my son!
Jake was a colicky baby, who was then diagnosed with silent reflux, and I know EXACTLY what you mean about not wanting to go out, yelling at the baby (not my best settling technique! ) and the non stop crying.

I only really started to "like" and "enjoy" Jake when he hit the 4-6month mark and the reflux was under control. He is now 9months and is still on 20mg of Losec a day but is a much happier baby now, and I am a happier mum too. The RISA website has some good tips on it and can put you in touch with other mums in your area as a support group. There were some days I would say to my husband that I was taking him back to the hospital for an exchange!

I remember spending new years with my best friend who has no children and Jake screamed the whole time and we all ended up in bed by 10 or 11 we were all exhausted! She was saying "is there anything you can do? Why is he crying?"

Have you out his cot / mattress on an angle - around 30 degrees - that will help with the sleeping, and keep him upright after a feed for at least 20 mins. If you have a baby bjorn carrier or one similar that holds them upright that is great bcos you can do stuff. Also I found Jake refused to bring up his wind bcos it hurt too much and Infacol drops helped with that.

The reflux babies thread is full of wonderful people who are in the same situation and really supportive.

What state are you in there are some support groups around too.

Good luck! *hugs*

[MantaRay]

And i felt like the family didn't even want to be around him with his constant crying.

I wouldn't be able to leave him with anyone whilst i had a sleep or anything either...because i felt they would all get way too frustrated with the crying

I can relate too, those sentences particularly brought it back for me. Tom was my second baby, but the first with colic. It came as a huge shock to the system, especially with a toddler to look after. And Tom's unexpectedly early arrival meant that DH couldn't be home with me. Instead we had MIL staying but she made it worse. One night at 4am she stormed upstairs to where I was comforting a crying Tom and she screamed at me "I can't cope with lack of sleep anymore, you have to do something" and a whole lot of other things about me being too stupid to take him to the doctor and for not trying formula etc. The whole experience was a nightmare for me. I was so uptight whenever he cried because I knew MIL was there fuming and judging me.

As I said, I was a 2nd time mum, and an older mum, and I still had trouble coping. And I still think that prevented me from bonding with Tom as early as I did with Jack. So I would say that your feelings are very normal and that you have done an amazing job so far. And please, do ask for help, because others won't mind as much as you think they will. My ony regret is that I didn't ask for more help. I had friends who would have happily helped out and not thought less of me or Tom. But I don't ask for help at the best of times, and I think the lack of sleep seriously clouded my judgement. So please, do ask for help. It can make a huge difference, even if you just get a couple of hours sleep.

Also, it will pass. For us, luckily, Tom got better at about week 12 or 13. I know it can last longer than this, but I think this is a common time for it to settle, so I really hope that is true for you too. Motherhood WILL get more enjoyable and you have now passed the hardest test with flying colors, so the rest should be a breeze for you.

Huge hugs to you and take care. I look forward to reading that things have improved for you really soon.

[Jodie259]

Aniejade...

I'm sorry to hear that you're not coping really well with you baby.

Have you spoken to your maternal nurse about it... they might not be able to help you with the colic - but what about going into a mother-baby unit where you can get some support and relief and advice.
I had a child that would not sleep - and he would scream for 5-6 hours non-stop during the evening. We were recommended sleep school - and my husband, baby & I all stayed there for a week. It was the best thing we ever did.


You mention that you want to give your DS to your mum until he grows out of colic...
so instead of 'full time' - could your mum just take him for a few hours to give you a break/sleep? surely she can understand how upset & frustrated and tired you must be?

The council and government have LOTS of support, particularly for young mums - but you need to ask for it.

I would be phoning your Maternal Health nurse, maybe PANDA (the pnd line), and either talking to your GP or the hospital where you had the baby. Ask for their help - and they will be able to provide it. You may even be able to get someone to come to you home.

[aniejade]

Hey Jodie,

I've never heard of a 'sleep school' - and none of the doctors or specialists i have seen have mentioned anything about it...so im not sure if there is one in my local area.

Mum works all week...along with everyone else i know...so she can't help out then. She offers all the time...i just find even if she does take him for a couple of hours...im stressing too much whether she's coping to sleep. Or theres too much other stuff i need to get done in the time shes minding him.

Nelly and melanier - thankyou! Its really relieving to know that you can relate. I don't personally know anyone in the same situation - dealing with colic. And even some who do aren't game enough to talk aloud about how they feel, and pretend everything is perfect and normal.

[nelly]

My day stay sleep school was through my local child health nurse.

[Jodie259]

I had never heard of sleep school either. I just thought my baby was "normal" (screaming for hours). It's so hard as a first time mum.

My mother in law is overseas and I haven't seen my mum for years. I have a terrific step-mum, but she would never tell me anything. And I had no friends with babies. So I felt really alone.

As I mentioned before: phone your Maternal Health Nurse, the maternity hospital, or even the council - and ask them what kind of help you can get. Ask them if there are mother/baby units or sleep schools. I know our council would provide home help for mums who weren't coping. But they won't offer it unless you ask.

If your mum is offering - you should accept her help. Even if it's just two or three hours one evening a week or on a weekend. It will make her feel good to be able to help you out. And she's a mum - and she's older - so she doesn't get upset with your baby. (she can also give him back so that helps to remain calm ) And don't stress over your mum when she's got Khai. She can handle him. The time is for you to relax. Have a bath, go for a walk. Go to a movie or dinner if you can. You need to try and relax. If you are stressed out - you transfer that tension to your baby.

And although there is stuff to be done... two hours out of your week won't make a difference. Your mum might be able to do some washing or ironing. Or your partner might be able to clean the kitchen or vac the floors. It's not permanent... it's just until Khai gets better.

I was talking to a friend today about Dr Brown bottles - which are specially designed for colic babies. Might be worth looking at those bottles... they come highly recommended.

Try to get help. Because if you keep going on a downward spiral - you're not helping Khai. Don't be scared to accept ANY offers of help. And seek help from the council or hospital services. It's there if you ask.

[C~Q]

I read somewhere on here (I don't know if anyone else read it and has more info) that someone found a chemist (I think it was Caro?) where the pharmacist made his own concoction to help with colic and it is supposed to be amazing. I think you can even get it sent to you? Not sure but it might be worth finding out about.

Good luck with everything :hugs:

[Nadine216]

I am not going into details, but I know how you feel. My bub had colic so bad that we took her to hospital for the reflux test, because NOTHING was helping!! It put alot of stress on DH and me, because it was our first and I did not know anything. I was crying constantly, thinking I was doing something wrong. I also did not feel like going out, because it was embarresing to go out and your dd is screaming the whole time!!
I also know how you feel about letting someone els look after the bub. I had her, I was the one who must look after her. She is my responsibility. I felt stupid about letting her stay at my mom's.
She is now almost 7 months and has changed completely She is a happy baby. I hated my pead for say this, but it's true: This to shall pass.
Just hold on, and if it gets to you, take it out on us!!!!
(HUGS)

[kungfubecca]

sorry I can't relate,

but I agree with the other girls, your mum will cope for a few hours. and Besides she has 7 nights a week to sleep. Helping you out say on Saturday nights for a while isn't going to kill her, and she will like that you have accepted her help.

Don't feel bad about your feelings, it is good that you have been ale to express them on here. It doesn't matter what your age, a colic or reflux baby is hard. It's hard enough when a well baby won't go back to sleep at 2 am.

Remember you are doing a great job!!

[mrsmac]

This brought back so many memories for me of my 1st baby! I used to drive to my mums with a screaming baby and me bawling! Once I put Jess in her capsule on mum's doorstep, rang the bell then went and sat in the car crying. I can remember holding her just saying over and over again"shut up, shut up, shut up" I was advised to give her mylanta after each feed and that really helped, I am not sure if that's still advised cause this was 1991 but boy was it a godsend. I would try and find a doctor who recognises colic/ reflux and will help.
Please don't beat yourself up, it truly is such a difficult thing to deal with and when you are young and its your 1st it feels even worse.

[aniejade]

Thankyou Reading other stories has brought tears to my eyes. Tears of relief i think. I really, really appreciate everyones comments. I really think tho that there needs to be alot more support for mums with colic babies. And alot more awareness of what it can be like.

But yeah, he was diagnosed with the colic first by the gp, then by 2 different paed's in different towns so i'd say its definatly colic. But he is also on reflux medication losec wich hasn't made a difference as of yet. Fingers crossed tho.

I've tried every off-the-shelf medication for it, none which worked. And all the specialists say 'it will go away with age'. I've never been so patient (or impatient) in my life.

[Lulu]

Oh sweetie, I hear you!

Assemble an army. Get who you can to come over and take baby for an outing or walk for a couple of hours. Eat, shower and sleep in this time. You will feel stronger if you know you can get a break. Don't be afraid to ask for help, this is no reflection on you, your parenting or the colour of your hair.

You are not alone. I'm so glad you came in here - I don't know what I would have done without BB during this time (DS is 3 now). He settled a little at 4 months and I don't think I got out of my pj's the whole time!

:hugs:

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hey hun, I can sorta relate.

I didn't bond with DS at all until after his colic had passed, so just thought "oh well, his Mumma will be back soon, she can deal with it." Only thing that got us through it!

I do get very angry when DS screams with tiredness but won't sleep, but luckily can give him to DH. Sometimes DH can get him down, sometimes not, but steady support from someone who supports your parenting philosophies is a must.

[paradise lost]

Aniejade as i type this Esme is whining beside me. She's getting her molars, has a cold, and for both of those reasons has had no good lseep for about 6 days. I hear your frustration! She never had colic really but we've had our fair share of frustrations and sleepless nights (weeks, months). I too have shouted at her, and have in the past had to sit on my hands and leave rooms to prevent myself smacking her, today she slammed the washer drawer shut as i was loading liquid, which went everywhere and i am so bloody PROUD that i just sighed and said "oh, esme..." and cleaned it up.

I was 25 when DD was born, so not old, but way older than i was at 19 and i still found/find it very frustrating being a mum. Take all the help you're offered and look for more besides. A good mother is not one who does absolutely everything, a good mother just makes sure everything is done - trying to do it all yourself will only exhaust you and make things even more stressful.

Look for treatment for colic, but remember that even if you don't find one, it WILL pass. I know how it is when they're like that, screaming and no sleep - a day feels like a months, a week feels like a year, but time goes on passing and with each day they get bigger and cope better with life.

Massive to you hun, don't beat yourself up. I personally think it is far healthier to confess these feelings of rage and frustration than not. Afterall, for many of us this is one of the realities of motherhood, and hiding it is doing no-one favours.

Much love

Bec

[Berry]

My second bub (born prem) had colic and silent reflux and, yes, I can relate to how disempowering and upsetting this can be as you try everything you can think of to soothe them.... My daughter spent a long time in special care, and to settle her there the nurses were walking around with her in a baby bjorn carrier, and they also would use a baby hammock which helped settle her. I continued with these at home and they helped a little. She especially liked to be held close to me while she was uncomfortable. Hang in there! It DOES get better with time, although its hard to feel at the time that things will improve.

Sleep School is usually run out of a Mother-Baby Unit at hospital (I spent a week in a Mother-Baby unit with my first born and it was a magic and empowering week and was wonderful for helping us as a little family into better routines which allowed us all more sleep, happy times and better coping). I would get in touch with your local Mother-Baby units and get your name down ASAP as they often have long waits due to popular demand versus limited places. It also helps to have a health professional, like a Maternal Child Health Nurse, psychiatrist or other support person, put in a referral on your behalf.

[sunbeam koala]

My eldest son had colic so I can totally relate to you. It really is a tough time for parents and I think especially for us that are with them all day.

I used to take DS out in the pram and he would scream (of course) and I would be worried about others judging me for not comforting my little screamer. But I knew I was doing all I could to help him and try and keep my own sanity. So get out there and walk. Exercise your body and get some fresh air into those fabulously strong lungs your baby has developed from all that crying.

I think its totally normal for you to feel frustrated about the situation. Of course, we all want to have the baby that eats and sleeps and coos. My youngest son doesn't have colic and I feel so blessed to have an 'easy' child. What you're going through is ultra challenging! But your son will grow out of this and you will have a happy baby soon.

My advice to you is buy some good ear plugs! That way you can cuddle your son nice and close to you, giving him all your love and not get hearing loss. I'm serious!

Melanie - I am so shocked at what your MIL said to you. How unhelpful! I was lucky enough to have my mum stay with me for the first 4 weeks and she is mum of 5 and grandma of 9 and she had never heard anything like it before. But god bless her she walked the floor boards with him of a night and showed me how to be patient and persistant.