For the pat pat... with Matilda she would refuse to lay down, so we would have a 5 minute cuddle in my arms with her in a laying position and then I would gently pop her down on her side & keep on hand over her shoulder while the other patted her bottom. Sometimes I would "shhhh" as well and at first she would protest, sometimes she would scream & jump up & I would say "lay down please" , if she didn't lay down or wouldn't be convinced to lay down I would start doing something in her room but not giving her attention, and then I would turn around again & say "lay down please" if she would I would say "good girl" and start the patting again....