I was staring down the barrel of three kids waking at night when I was pregnant with #3 - DS was waking once or twice, DD was waking with massive screaming sessions and I was 8 months pregnant. I ended up crying to the health nurse at a public latch on event lol.
I am certainly no sleep expert 'cos I can't even get my own kids to sleep but I would get her into a single/king single bed. Put her to sleep in there during the day, teach her to climb down properly when she wakes (my 13 month old gets off my bed after day naps). Send your DH in to resettle her/co-sleep when she wakes during the night. It will be a rough ride for a few nights as she gets used to DH settling her, but then it is easy (or at least his problem, not yours lol).
Have you tried a later bedtime? Sometimes it is better for the sanity to put them to bed at 9.30 and have it take 10 minutes rather than aiming for 8pm and taking an hour.
I'm going to offer some different ideas although I think the other posters have some great suggestions. Does she watch any TV yet? Is she into any of those kids shows on ABC kids? Many of them have CD's or on itunes you can download story tracks only (no video) so you could get her to lie down and "listen to the story." What about one of those baby lights that shines lights and plays music at the same time? Perhaps your DD is now associating bedtime with negativity and making it a bit more fun but still calming/relaxing might break that cycle. Can you give her a little torch of her own to play with when it's bed time? Does she have a dolly? Can you try and get to her to lie quietly with her dolly stroking it's back while you sit in the room and sing to her quietly or tell her a story in the dim light?
We pat my DD when she goes to bed. It's less than ideal and sometimes we are in there for 20 minutes or so. She was one of those kids where I could put her in and shut the door and just changed in the last 6 months or so. I think kids go through phases. It's hard, especially when you are pregnant. I really feel for you and I hope that one of these ideas works for you guys.
I second what Artechim said about a later bedtime. I was on my own for a month while DP was away and just got sick of it taking more than an hour to get DD2 to sleep so I just put her to bed at 9pm. My mum said she used to put me to bed at midnight because she got sick of battling me
Also think about getting rid of the daytime nap. I know she's very young still but maybe just try it for a few days and see if that brings her bedtime forward. My DD needs 12 hours solid awake time (I know she's older but at least working out her pattern has made it easier for me to predict what time her bedtime will be)
Good point about the awake time too - my 13 month old lasts about 8 hours after a nap, so if she wakes any later than 1pm I know I am in for a late night. She has a 3pm absolute cut-off where I just won't let her go to sleep.
I recently stopped feeding my DD to sleep. I have implemented the Shihad method: We dance to Pacifier, then move to walking with her head on my shoulder and by the end of Comfort Me she is asleep - never fails! Sort of a distraction thing, rather than a 'you have to go to sleep' thing itms.
There is also another school of thought - is she to over tired from the day? My DD is 4 next month and she still sleeps 2+hrs in the day - if she doesnt she is a night mare to get to sleep! DS is the same - good sleep during the day = great sleep at night. Ill never forget my MCHN said "Sleep prmotes Sleep" and it is 100% true in our house
i agree with the suggestion of a king single bed for dd. it was a winner here. it meant dh could help settle her while being comfortable. I found it too difficult to get up again (i was pg too), so put a comfy chair next to DDs bed.
even if you don't get things under control by when baby arrives, you will get through. i sometimes bf baby while sitting next to dd in her bed reading a story. or bf baby and then rocked him in a rocker with a hand or foot while feeding/working with dd. my dh does shift work, so i don't always have a second pair of hands and we have all survived so far!
could it be that she is just really overtired so constantly fighting sleep and possibly not napping enough during the day? even now at 21 months DD still sleeps like 2-3hrs during the day. Perhaps if you could spend a few days just constantly watching her tired times, and if there's some sort of pattern, maybe trying to put her down even 30 minutes earlier? It may help with the screamy crankiness.
Does she like you singing to her? I found when DD was going through a stage of this, i'd sing her a song (Mockingbird) and she loved it. even if she was screaming id still keep singing to her and usually after a little bit she'd calm down. I also used to sing it at other times during the day so it wasnt just a bed time song.
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