when is the best age gap for second child?

[guccibabe]

I have a 9 month old beautiful boy and I was discussing with my best firend when best to have second. she thinks she wants to wait about 3 years because she wants to enjoy her time with first child..
As much as I love my time with Tariq I am starting to get the itch for another (maybe within a year)..
I just wondered what others thought or experienced the best age gap is.
I can imagine it will be very different and challanging having a second child. Love to hear your thoughts!

[ShootingStar]

We're going to start trying around October/November for #2.. so Jesse will be around 2 (hopefully) when its born. We just dont want too big of an age gap. No reason really. I really want another but at the same time want to spend time with Jess too.. and want him to have some independance first.
My sisters kids are all 3 years apart and she said that its a great gap for them.. i think its just whenever youre ready.

[chocolatecatty]

My sisters and I have two years between us, as in younger sis is 25, I'm 27, next is 29 and oldests is 31 this year. We worked out great!
I'll be wanting around 18 months between each bubs so Caty gets used to a sibling before she's old enough to know any better!

[Trillian]

One thing I do know is that it is a very personal choice kwim? We were happy with the gap we have, 20mths between the first three and there will be just over 3 years between 3 and 4, which suits us fine and when Paige was nearly 1 there was no way I was ready to have another one, which is why we waited. I suppose it depends on how close you are to siblings and what sort of relationship you have with them because of that age gap too - so it is what you are used to you know? Also, having then when we did worked for us, but I know other people who had them close and then wished they'd waited because they just felt so rushed all the time.

I can totally understand people wanting to spend more time with the child/ren that they already have though. If you are seriously thinking about having another one, then maybe you are ready?

[mrsmac]

My age gaps are far from normal but i have loved them as I really enjoy each baby! The 2 older ones whilst a long way apart are good friends most of the time too. Realistically from watching friends I think 3 years seems a very good gap but its such an individual choice and I think everyone likes what they have best.

[ShootingStar]

I forgot to say... my sister, my brother and me are all 4 years apart, which i think is too far (personally).. as when i started to get old enough to become good friends with my sister, she was moving out and getting married. We've only just started to get our semi closeness back now that i have Jesse and she has 3 kids.. but thats more on the view of the child rather than the parents coping.

[Beckibee]

Hmmmm...I think it all depends on your family. After being so horribly ill whilst pregnant, I swore black'n'blue that I was waiting until Maddy was at least 3 before thinking about TTC no.2. I just couldn't imagine having a toddler and being so ill again. Meanwhile, we're now talking about trying around the middle of this year.

I have a sister and three brothers. There is 2 years between my brother & I, 3 years to my sister & I, and then 4 years from my sister to my twin brothers. My brother & I got on really well as children, whereas my sister was just that bit 'too' young if that makes sense? We get on fabulously now, but hated each other growing up. When I look back at it now, I think had she been 2 years younger than we might just have gotten on a little better.

[Roryrory]

We are hoping to have #2 ASAP. DH made the interesting point about people wanting to spend time with the 1st and giving that as a reason to delay having a 2nd. In his view that means that you are kind of accepting that every kid but the 1st somehow will "miss out", because after #1 there will always be competition (he is the 2nd of 4, BTW)

Not intended as a criticism of those who have this reasoning, just an interesting point....

[kmh]

I have 20 months age gap between my girls, i love this age gap, Madison was at the stage where she could entertain her self for a little while, while i was feeding etc.... i hope they are going to be great friends.
However if we have another one ( which i think we will) there will be nearly a 3 year gap, between 2 and 3.

[Renee Elizabeth]

This is a personal question isn't it>? - but it makes sense to ask as I was asking exactly the same time as you. We started trying at 9 months because we wanted to have children before we got too much older (i am 29 and DH is 33) - THis may not seem old but I look at DH's parents now and they are extremely old grandparents whilst mine seem to be years younger (they are but my grandparents seem younger than DH's parents = IYKWIM?)
We had to consider age, work, money etc etc etc.
Good luck

[Ambah]

I think the 'best' age gap is different for everyone
IF we go ahead and TTC this year, there will be at least a 3.5yr age gap between Aidyn and #2. I am happy with that because I know I would not have coped too well if Aidyn had been any younger when having a second baby. However I certainly admire the parents that manage fine with having their kids very close together.
I really wouldnt want there to be much more than 4 years between my two kids though, so I will have to make a decision very soon in that case!

We are hoping to have #2 ASAP. DH made the interesting point about people wanting to spend time with the 1st and giving that as a reason to delay having a 2nd. In his view that means that you are kind of accepting that every kid but the 1st somehow will "miss out", because after #1 there will always be competition (he is the 2nd of 4, BTW)

Interesting point Rory, however in my case, if you are only planning on having 2, then #2 wont miss out as much, because there will be no newborn/infant #3, which is what takes up a lot of time and energy...
And I think by waiting longer (until #1 is older) to have #2 ensures that #2 will be able to recieve a bit more attention than I would be able to give if #1 was still quite young as well?
Did that make sense LOL?

[mbear]

I guess as mothers we can only give you advice on what our age gaps actually are between our children and how that has/has not worked for us. A lot of things need to be taken into consideration:
Finances/Study
Health (especially yours i.e 3 month pre concenption plan)
House - is there enuf room?
Children you already have....
I know for us, my Dh wanted to have his course (firefighting) completed BEFORE #2 arrived. That meant we had to wait a little longer (longer for me). DD#1 was 20 months when we conceived #2. So a 29 month age gap is what is b/w our two girls. Ideally i would have loved a closer one, but thats all in the past now, look at what i have to show for it......
Im sure lots of couples contemplating having another child goe thru this discussion (in some way or another LOL), i too think if your thinking about it, maybe start discussing the impact of another baby in your lives........and start baby making !!

[Roryrory]

Ambah, yeah - if there are two that makes alot of sense. A GF has a 4yo and a newborn - it is good because older one is able to help, at kinder, starting school next year, etc.

We want 3 and I will be 33 this year (DH will be 34) so the clock is ticking for us LOL!!!

[Tobily]

I also think there's no "right" answer to this question and it's a matter of personal preference.
Our experience? We have 23 months between our two - DS has arrived smack bang in time for the worst of DD's "terrible two" phase. So it hasn't been easy. In fact some days have been downright horrible.
But after nearly 4 months we're starting to find our groove and things are improving and getting much easier (thank goodness).
There is the same age gap between my brother and myself and we are really close so I'm hoping for the same for my two as well - DD is really besotted with her little brother and that part is just lovely to watch

[MantaRay]

I agree that it is a personal thing and there is no right answer.

I have 19 months between the boys (Would have been 20 but Tom couldn't wait to meet his brother LOL!!). I love having them close as they get along so well, and the feedback I get from others is that it usually stays that way. If I have another it will be close too. Jack wasn't old enough to experience jealousy, he has been too busy loving his brother! But got to warn you, while I love it and wouldn't change a thing, and I'm sure the boys aren't missing out on anything, life is pretty busy around here!

One other thing to consider too, I like the idea of doing the "baby thing" in one hit. I think it would be really hard to have the older one out of nappies and sleeping through and quite independent and then have to start all over again with another one (again, this is a personal thing). I would rather get through that stage and move on IYKWIM? I'm already doing nappies for one, so it's not a shock to be doing it for another etc. Anyway, just a thought.

[~Saram~]

It's such a personal decision isn't it. DH and I always agreed to have about 4-5years between ours if we were going to have a second and so far I am really happy with itbut I didn't have any baby craving until just before we started ttc for this one.

I really love how DS is looking forward to this pg and baby, he is looking forward to being a big brother. Also we don't have to worry about rushing through carseat to booster or buying two carseats and DS is independant and happy to help with things.

At times I wished we had them closer together when you hear about siblings that play and share together as DS is very much an only child and I sometimes feel guilty that he doesn't have a playmate but I really couldn't have coped with any closer together and now that he is older we have school friends over to play so it works out well.

[Phteven]

We have about 16 months between our boys. it was really, really hard in the beginning, much more than I anticipated and I thought I'd made a huge mistake but now they're becoming best friends and it's absolutely adorable. Imran is at an age where he gets a bit of seperation anxiety and he often has a bit of a sook when Yasin leaves but when he comes back he's all giggles. They already play goofy games with each other and have 'conversations' . So.... even though the first few months were really tough I don't regret it now I see how close they are.
That's my own experience but everyone is differant and i can see that there would also be advantages to a larger gap.
The way I see it Imran will get his one on one time with us when Yasin starts school so he won't miss out so mauch as have a differant experience.

[MantaRay]

I agree with Neverplan. I don't think they miss out anything. There is still plenty of opportunity for one on one time with each of them. And yes sure, Tom probably gets less one on one time with me than Jack did. But Jack didn't have a big brother doting on him. And I know Tom loves it, he lights up whenever Jack is around. Often he stops crying just because Jack is there.

The one area where I think Tom sometimes does miss out, is that Jack has lots of activites, so often we have to go out when Tom is asleep or due for a sleep. So sometimes his naps are late, sometimes they are in the car, and often they are in the sling while we are out. Sometimes this makes him a bit unsettled, but mostly he is ok. And in truth, Jack probably also had this happen a bit anyway as I still had things to do, and also he was my first so I was less good at noticing tired cues.