Early days hun....like others have said, DD is only 10 months, its all still newish to you - being a parent and all. I think there are positives and negatives to both sides, but at the end of the day, when you shut your front door at night, its YOU whom has to live inside your home, not the neighbours, not your extended family, and not the shopkeeper. So do what feels comfortable.
But IMHO, saying you want one now is fine, its great your so definite, but your allowed to change your mind 1,2,3 years down the track too.......
I am totally the same! I don't think it's weird either. I guess for me, I totally wasn't ready for my dd. I fell pregnant on the pill and didn't find out until I was 10 weeks pregnant. I guess some people know they want lots and some people know they want one or even none. The thought of me not being able to spend the MAXIMUM amount of time with my dd, without being interupted by having another baby makes my heart hurt. But that is just how I feel. My dp jokes about having more, he desperately wants a boy, and everyone says to have them close together, but until dd is like maybe 5 or 6 I won't even let the thought cross my mind at all.
My only advice would be to go with your heart. You may not want another one right now but you may change your mind. People won't like this either. You supposed to plan everything, didn't you know?
I only wanted two kids close together because I thought anymore would be too hard (got 3 brothers,1 sister)and if they weren't close in age then it wouldn't work. Now I've had DS2 14 years later and his big sister and brother love him and it has really brought a new dimention to our family. Will I have another one 'to keep Paddy company' as everyone says? Who knows. What I do know is that having more than one child hasn't taking anything away from our family but added to it.
it is defiantely not weird to only want one child! Even though so many people will treat you like an alien when you tell them you wont be having any more. You need to do what is best for you, your husband and your child. If you are complete and hppy as a family of 3 then thats fantastic. I would have loved anohter child, but DH is definatley not interested in ever going down the baby path again so i am not going to try for another. There are so many awesome things about being a family of 3. You can give your child all your attention and love, you can afford to give your children mofre experineces in life, you will still have plenty of time for you and your husband to spend quality time with each ohter, you will be able to ave more 'me' time, i could go on forever.
It is hard at times when people are rude. I have had people tell me it is sad for DS and that i am being cruel not giving him a brother or sister. Now i be just as rude back to them telling them how dare they be so rude.
I do feel a pang of sadness sometimes when i ee him playing by himself, but like you, I dont believe that giving him playmates is a good enough reason to bring another life into the world. WhenDS is older we will welcome his friends over to our house anytime so he will not be alone ALL the time. My DH was an only child and he has no issues with it at all. I am 1 of 4 and cant imagine my life without my gorgeous sisters, but being 1 of many was stressful and i still to this day have to fight for my mums attention cause there are so many of us, so i feel good that i can give DS my attention when ever he needs it.
My DD was 7.5 before I had another one. I didn't want another one until after she was 5 years. Before that I was SURE I only wanted one!! Things happened and I met someone else, but really I just was so tired and loved her so much, I thought I didn't need anymore.
Now with number 3 on the way, things have definitely changed! Because I was so set on one for a while, I do wonder what Im doing! BUT.. I was thinking about it yesterday and my girls love each other soooo much, and to me that makes my decision worth it. However, I think however many kids one wants is their decision. I know ALOT of only children, it is definitely more common these days. They are all fine, none of them suffering because they're "on their own". There's pro's and con's to everything.
Just go with the flow and be happy with your decision. But like others have said, you don't have to make a decision now anyway. We're women, we can change our minds daily if we want!!!!
xoox
Sorry I haven't had a chance to read all the other replies, but just wanted to add that I am in much the same position. I was more or less raised as an only child and I loved it, although I recognise that was largely due to my personality type. I have always only wanted one child and after my vile pregnancy and difficult birth, in many ways that opinion is reinforced.....but then occasionally I will catch myself thinking how awesome Peter is and how addictive babies are! LOL
But seriously, you are not alone. I love our family of 3. I love being able to lavish attention on my son and the idea that I might be able to provide experiences for him that I might not be able to with more kids. And while I adore having a child, it is a whole lot of work and I am NOT someone who thrives on loudness/busy-ness/lots of people. I hugely admire women who have lots of kids and think they are superwomen, but it really may not be for me- which means it would also not be the best for my kid(s).
I think you sound really happy and like you have a great situation- congratulations!
Jessica, what a lovely post. I feel exactly the same as you do. I want to have more for the right reasons.
I too don't thrive on loudness and many people. And my DD is a wonderful, happy little girl and quite well behaved but I too feel like it's so much work and I just am not sure whether I want to be stressed having more.
I also admire women who have more than one. I stop and think about how they do it and how strong they are. I guess that is why I have questioned myself. I know I'm a great mother and my DD hugs and kisses me regularly, we have a very close bond.
Thanks everyone for your replies, it has made me feel so much more at ease that I am not the only one that feels this way.
I think you just know when you have the right number.. some feel that their family is not complete with 1 or 2 kids, others plan to have a large family but when they have 1 or 2 kids, they discover thats all they need in their life. It is a total personal choice. There are plenty out there that feel the same as you.. many have only one child.. my DH is an only child. Absolutely not, are you selfish. Your family is what you make it and all that matters is if you and your DP are happy. If so, then the rest is history
Whatever number of children you and your DH feel is right for your family is the right number - whether that is one or ten. I don't accept the argument that children have better, happier lives when raised with a sibling. I have a sibling and we have never, ever got on - we don't talk at all now and haven't for many years. I would have loved to have been an only child growing up. My DH is one of four and he and his siblings all get on and its lovely now that those siblings have children of their own - lots of kids running around everyone and a close family. Sometimes siblings work, sometimes they don't.
queenbee - there are plenty of mums around here who only have one child and are fairly vocal about having no more. I live in an area where there are a lot of 'older' mums, so they don't experience the same judgement you speak of. I don't see anyone telling them their child will somehow be worse off because, since the child was born while they were in their late 30s, early 40s and they don't want to try again, they don't have the chance to give them a sibling. For some reason, because they are a bit older people assume it's more responsible to not have #2!!!
I say ignore everyone. We've always said we would be waiting 4 or 5 years between ours, but TBH my DP is only going for #2 because I really want another. He would happily stay with one child and has suggested it. I just don't think I'm done yet.
i'm definately all for just one baby at the moment! and I was pretty sure of this after the birth of my ds. Also i'm the same as you queenbee and jessica in that i find motherhood a hard job and I couldn't imagine having to divide my time between 2 little ones and giving 2 little ones all of me and all of my attention.
I love ds and I am enjoying him, but sometimes i do find myself struggling and I wouldn't want to be upset or stressed all of the time with another baby just because everyone else thinks i should have more than one.
When ds was 6 months old, i was already getting the questions about when we are having another one or ppl would say "you will have to start trying for another one soon" Man that really annoys me. Actually it SH*TS me to tears! its no ones business whether you want 1 or 20 children, the choice is yours and as long as your happy with that choice, ppl will just have to learn to live with it!
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