Pressure to get babies to sleep (IMO)

[Eugenia]

OK, I do tell check out chicks and little old ladies in the shopping centre that she does sleep through as I can't be bothered dealing with the attitude.

However, I am honest with other mothers, and expecting mums, about DD's waking. I just don't see why complete strangers need to ask questions like that, it's none of their business.

[Bathsheba]

Maybe they have a friend or relative who is experiencing "problems" with their baby and are just trying to work out what's "normal"? *shrug* Just a guess.

[christy]

I get heaps from neighbours & old people asking me if she's a "good baby and sleeps through for mummy" I always say "she's a good baby and wakes when she needs her mummy".

I had a neighbour horrified that I hadn't started solids at 5 months and DH chimed in "Well the WHO says not to start solids before 6 months and because Jovie has food intolerances we don't think its something thats worthwhile for us" I kissed him

[blackbird]

I get heaps from neighbours & old people asking me if she's a "good baby and sleeps through for mummy" I always say "she's a good baby and wakes when she needs her mummy".

Love that Christy. I'll be using that one.

I completely agree, Bath. My SiLs seem to have unrealistic expectations about sleeping through, especially around whether babies need to feed in the night. If more mums were honest about this sort of stuff, including how hard it all can be at times, I think we'd all feel a lot better, not to mention get support. Yay for BB I say! I've given up (well, almost) on what people think of my nipple shield-using, cloth bottomed, fed/rocked to sleep,baby and scandalous parenting ways.

[Clarrie]

I love to hear about other babies who aren't sleeping through as well - in fact, I'm guilty of asking other mums about their baby's sleep.

The key for me is all about offering advice. If I get advice, judgement or an opinion that I don't need, I've taken to saying "thanks, but I wasn't really looking for advice". That may make me a rude cow but I don't care.

The whole "good baby" thing is such a touchy issue for me, because not only does Bonnie not sleep she is also quite wriggly and feisty. So I often get unsolicited comments from people that imply that she isn't good.

The comments that I most appreciate from people are those that breezily acknowledge that it's all a bit of a challenge and will get much better one day. Bonnie was chucking a tantrum in public today and a nearby mum smiled at me and said, "oh mine used to scream just like that" - for some reason it just made me feel so much better, there was no judgement or anything, just someone telling me that they'd been through the same thing.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I must agree, Clarrie; other people telling me they had to fight their child to make him/her sleep does help me a lot. DS just hates sleep right now and I can't change that. We have the odd middle of the night playtime still, but it's getting better slowly. He usually just feeds and sleeps once I have him down for the night now (and "bedtime" can take almost 2 hours some nights, but that includes bathtime).

Lieby is such a wriggle-bum too, luckily he's a social creature so when someone new's admiring him the he goes all happy and cooing so I have very few "bad" comments even when he's kicking to high heaven.

[Astrid]

I tend not to say anything to the checkout operators now as the main thing they say is "Oh, you should try CC, my (sister, daughter,cousins etc) CC'd their baby and they sleep though". They just dish out advice without asking if I have an actual problem, they just assume I have a problem with the situation.

I do think though that more we do need to be more honest in general and hopefully the next lot of new mum's don't have to cop as many comments as what we do.

[blackbird]

Botheration. I must have jinxed myself by saying Angus is sleeping better. He had a shocker of a night, I feel like death warmed up this morning and then I had an email from my closest GF who went to live in China 4 mths ago. Had a quiet sob... but thanks to you wonderful girls I know all this is normal, that I'm not a bad or not coping mum and tomorrow will be a new day.

[Clarrie]

Oh hon, I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I know what it's like when sleep deprivation makes you teary. Sometimes I think it feels worse if your bub has improved a bit sleep-wise and then goes back to sleeping horribly - physically your body has gotten used to having a bit more sleep and it's harder to suddenly get less again, and emotionally it's bewildering that your baby has suddenly forgotten how to sleep.

We're still having terrible sleeps, I've just resigned myself to it for the moment. One thing I'm struggling with at the moment is the choice to resettle in the middle of the night or not to. I'm lucky with Bonnie because although she's sleeping terribly at the moment, she always wants to sleep (she doesn't fight it) and is a good self-settler for her naps and her big nighttime sleep. I also am pretty confident that if I re-settled her in the middle of the night that she would go to back to sleep - it's just that it would take longer than giving her a feed.

So for nightwaking, my decision to feed her is selfish because a)it only takes 10 mins and we're both back asleep again and b) if I re-settle her, it could take 30 mins and I'd have to be out of bed in the cold and will be all awake once she's asleep again, so could take me some time to get back to sleep again.

Thus, it's all a bit of a no-brainer - do whatever works so that both of us can have the maximum amount of sleep at night. But, I wonder (worry) that all I'm doing is reinforcing bad sleeping habits and that Bonnie will never be able to sleep through the night (or for a decent stretch) without booby.

[Liz]

Clarrie - that's my reason for co-sleeping at the moment LOL. It's too cold to get up and go into his room when he wakes! hehe. I really need to persevere with his own room tho, coz I'm getting kicked in the back all night... and I'm only gonna get more uncomfortable as I get more pregnant.

[Bathsheba]

Aw Blackbird... hope you had a better night last night!

yep, ditto Liz, co-sleeping is my salvation. I stayed up at night with my other two and was miserable and found that I was getting into a really resentful state of mind "Grrr, the world is sleeping... why don't I get to sleep too? Everyone thinks SAHMs have it easy! pfft... how hard would THEY work during the day if they had been up all night????" etc etc etc.

So, this time I'm not going down that path... I want to enjoy every minute of this little guy's babyhood (because he is my last one)... co-sleeping has really helped me do this

BTW our baby starts off every night in his own cot... generally wakes at 2/3am... I bring him into our bed... sometimes he stays, sometimes I carry him back into his own cot if he's in a deep sleep. If he won't settle he stays and feeds with me in bed until he does.

[blackbird]

Thanks girls. Yes, a better day today. Angus had a couple of brief wakes early in the evening but settled almost immediately with a kiss. He then did 10.30, 2 and 6 and was then up for the day. Not too bad at all.

I was at my SiL's today and she started back on CC last night and her bub who has been waking a lot and being hard to settle wore himself out after 35 mins and then fed at 10.30 and then slept til breakfast time. I just can't do it myself, my stomach knots up at the thought of it but then all the talk gets in my head about what babies 'should' (sleeping thru) or 'shouldn't' be doing (feeding in the night). Angus is getting a reasonable amount of solids in now so it will be interesting to see if that has any effect on his need for booby overnight.