How much time do you spend together at bedtime? Most kids need quite a long lead-in time to settle down for bed. so there's bath and teeth etc, but after than books, and cuddles/songs/whatever they like to settle off to sleep. So, is he handling the bedtime or the both of you? It kind of sounds like he can't really be arsed doing it... am I reading that right?

My DD often fights nappy and PJs - I just insist on a nappy before she gets into bed, and she has gone with PJs before

Re your husband... um. that sounds very frustrating. You're obviously not quite reading the same page here. Perhaps if you guys work on an entirely different bedtime routine and agreed to stick to it for a week - giving your DD time to get used to it - then he might see that there are better ways of doing it than just dumping food and running.