What the heck can I do?? I'm at my wits end!

[Phteven]

If you're feeling angry it's ok to just forget the house and go for a walk. Things seem better outside and I always figured that I was less likely to yell at them if I was in public.

[Ozziehoffy]

Ozzie - He goes to golf once a week because it's his 'him' time. My break is going to work (You can see where the priorities lie to me)
I've constantly told him that if he finds the place a mess that he could help out and I say the exact same thing as you 'It's not just me that makes a mess you know!' which then consistantly turns into the whole 'but your at home most of the time, I dunno why you can't do a little bit every day, it won't get this bad if you do'

I still question why he gets "HIM" time and you get to work? Seriously, I question that and him having a go at you. You are not only dealing with the house, a velcro baby and work... you are also dealing with him saying that you could do a bit each day and it wouldn't get that bad. Well, I wasn't too good at maths, in fact, I hated it. However.... according to my calculations, you have 3 people in the house contributing to the mess. One is not yet able to assist in the upkeep of the home. However, 2 are and yet only 1 is?? So, even a bit each day would keep you behind the eight ball would it not? There are seriously some weeks where I get not a lot more done other than washing!!! (Of course the dishes and all of those things are done)... I have 4 other people in the house and I know that I try to do just a bit each day BUT.... if you are having to do stuff another person has left there then there goes your "few mins" doing that and not something else! Does that make sense?

I have heard the excuses from men before about "it's my me time going to golf/pub/etc"... but seriously, where is the me time for the mum?? Where is the assistance there? If it's not recipricated (sp?) then I don't see it being a fair share of the workload etc. Until you have walked in the shoes of the other, then don't go casting the stone. Is your bub bottle or bf?? If bottle, I'd almost be tempted to leave him with him for a day just to show him a small window into your WHOLE week! It can really open their eyes.

[black_rose]

You need more of a break than just work, it's not the same. Can dh go to golf one week and then you get time to catch up with girlfriends or just do something on your own?

We have had a busy couple of months with dh working late and on weekends, he has gone 4wd the last two weeks but this weekend i have said enough so I am leaving him with the girls while I go to the market after a sleep in tomorrow.

It's hard when they are so young and dependent on mum but you need time out and it helps later on if they know daddy can give them comfort and playtime.

[Cherished]

Hello my beautiful friend. So sorry you're having a hard time. I just had a thought if you're interested. Have you taken him to see a family wellness chiropractor who adjusts babies and children? I've seen heaps of babies who have had loads of problems respond really well with just a few adjustments. Things it can help with are colic, reflux, sleeping, restlessnes, fussy eating, ear infection etc. Might be worth a try

[ElleJay]

Snowy White - If only DH would take DH golfing with him. He usually goes straight from work with the person he goes with (as they work together)

Onyx, I think that when I get angry again, I WILL take him for a walk - Just because of what you said - about tending to not yell at them in public

Ozziehoffy - Hun, thats EXACTLY what I've said before. "Where's my 'me' time? I never get any at all!" to which he says "We get to go to poker" - BUT! Who's the one that's tending to him while we play and he grizzles? Who's the one that feeds him, changes him, rocks him to sleep and usually misses out playing a few hands because they're they one trying to settle him down?? Me! One of the reasons WHY I went to FF (Health issues was the number 1 reason) was because DH had always said 'If I could help with the feeding, then I would help out more' - I usually have to twist his arm to feed him.

black_rose - I wish I had friends. I know, this sounds horrible, but the people I'm friends with are my workmates, and are full time whereas I'm only part time so they're working when I'm not and visa versa. I'd love to have a girls night out one day, but then inside, I'd feel horrible for having some time for myself.

cherished - Thanks for the idea my lovely. I had been given that idea when he was 2 months old and completely forgot about it! Thanks!

[KimB]

" I'd love to have a girls night out one day, but then inside, I'd feel horrible for having some time for myself."

Don't you dare feel bad about having some me time. We as women are conditioned to feel as though if we are not giving to our families then we are failing at our job. This is not true. If we do not regularly recharge the batteries with just some me time then the family unit tends to break down. I hope you understand what i'm trying to say

I've learnt over the years you just have to tell DF/DH "ok it's your turn tonight to watch bubs - I'm going out" and if they put up a stink tell them "fairs fair" . You need the time off too especially if the only time you get out of the house is to do some more work. You need some fun time or peace time or silent time not just mum/wife time.

Don't forget you are still a person and deserve exactly the same as everyone else .

Good luck

[Ozziehoffy]

"Where's my 'me' time? I never get any at all!" to which he says "We get to go to poker" - BUT! Who's the one that's tending to him while we play and he grizzles? Who's the one that feeds him, changes him, rocks him to sleep and usually misses out playing a few hands because they're they one trying to settle him down?? Me! One of the reasons WHY I went to FF (Health issues was the number 1 reason) was because DH had always said 'If I could help with the feeding, then I would help out more' - I usually have to twist his arm to feed him.

Well, the poker seems to be for both of you and NOT just for you to have your own "me" time. As for the FF thing... ya know what I'd do one weekend... get the bottle ready, hand bub and bottle over to him and say .. oh I forgot I have an appointment, I'll be back a bit later... and go!!! Go and have a coffee on your own, have a wander at the shops, get your hair done or something.. just take some time to be with yourself seriously! You can do it and you NEED to do it. You need to do it for yourself, for your DH and for bub.

KimB.. so, so well said hun!!