It depends on how much it is...and very much on how things work in your relationship.
With us, I do all the financial stuff but I let DH know where we are at, and decisions are made by both of us. TBH he is a bit better at keeping a lid on the spending than me, I tend to drop $10-$20 here & there without asking - but I do let him know after (when the time is right ) - he isn't a spender at all. Anything over $30 is definitely a joint decision, but we both understand that.
He got into online poker a while back & asked me if it was ok to put $50 in an online account - I would have done the same (ask I mean).
But like I said, it's down to both of you undersdtanding where things stand. you might need to let him know what you expect & negotiate some 'rules' (for lack of a better word...)
I'd be a bit peeved depending on how much money it was, and what you/the kids had to go without in order for him to spend it on himself, kwim?
DH is the big earner in our house (we're single income but my fortnightly FTB payments, and now baby bonus payments, go towards some bills and cover things like nappies and clothes for the girls), and he's better at saving than I am so I usually check with him if I want to spend some money on myself, just to make sure it can fit into the week's budget without making too much of a hole. And he will check with me if he wants to make a big purchase, because we're both putting our spare money into savings accounts (we're in the process of looking for a joint savings account to save us the hassle of checking how the other is doing) to put towards a BIG purchase - a deposit on our first home. So he realises that him making a big purchase needs to be checked with me because it's taking away money from our joint goal, and he wants to make sure I'm aware of it and am okay with it first.
Sometimes he will buy a video game or a new item of clothing without asking me, or I will go and buy myself a new dress or a pair of shoes without checking with him, but generally the amount we pay for that kind of stuff is within our budget and usually only bought when DH has done some overtime at work so it's 'spare' money, if that makes sense.
So, yeah, I guess more than the actual 'you spent x amount of dollars', I'd feel more insulted/disrespected that he was being sneaky about it, kwim? Because I feel a bit dissed if DH goes and buys something expensive without asking me - what if I'd needed to 'borrow' some money off him this week for daycare fees/extra groceries etc because I was short, kwim?
We have tried and tried to budget - but something always manages to goes wrong
As for spending money without "permission" I just don't do it. We have one account into which all our pay goes and our payments come from ... the only thing we spend money on without checking are essentials: groceries, petrol, work-necessities. If I went ahead and bought what I wanted, we'd be living in a tent with alot of musical instruments!
That works for us, but doesn't work for everyone. Just something to ponder on
Well as I said in another thread, everything $200 and over in this house is a joint decision.. But the smaller spends don't just get done. Its all with consideration to the budget so really you could say that really - everything that isnt food or an essential household item is a joint decision. The "extras" we buy without talking first are usually never more than a few dollars each - or needed.
What would **** me off about that situation the most is he said no. More than once. I know for me at least, if I am asking for money for something then its something we need - and most of the time its not for me anyway! Right now I need a baby wrap sling so this klingon on my starboard bow will give me back my arms, but I know we don't have it in the budget yet - so I will wait. DH knows I need one - so he knows that if he pops out $30 on something frivilous he would lose any future procreating ability.
If it *was* something just frivilous for me - then yeah, I'd still be annoyed. If I have to wait, so the bloody hell can he! What makes HIS wants more important than mine?
Basically - IMO - he lost the right to blow $30 on crap the second he said you had to wait.
) - he isn't a spender at all. Anything over $30 is definitely a joint decision, but we both understand that.
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