Squirreling away a bit of money here and there isn't going to give you financial security. It might give you the security of knowing that you can up and leave and get by for a week or two. But to put enough away for anymore than that, then you're going to have to be hiding significant amounts on a regular basis for a long time... If you are thinking that there is still hope for your marriage (which only you can answer) then this probably isn't the best idea. If you're looking to create a way out, well this is one way out.
But TBH, if you want out then I tend to think you might be better just withdrawing a chunk of money from the savings/mortgage/credit card/whatever and getting it over with. That way it's out in the open and he can't pin the ongoing deceit on you down the track. Also, the other thing to keep in mind in regard to super is that it is now considered a marital asset and as such you can claim part of his super as part of a divorce settlement.
Work is the only thing that will give you financial stability. Is there someone who is willing to help with babysitting while you work?
This is one thing I am terrified about when I finally do have kids. DH and I both work full time, but I control all the money and bills as he is hopeless with money. When the time comes for me to stop working, I will lose my independence, and it scares me. I want to be spending my own money, not someone else's.
I will be going back to work in the new year, wha I need is some money to get out. I can't just "up and leave" - there is no money and in Perth ATM there is nowhere to go - no rental properties. It just is not possible at the moment. So I have the time to get organised first. I will be talking to DH when he gets back from work next week (he left 4am this morning).
There is no savings/credit card to wihdraw a chunk of money from - we used all my contingency when he was out of work for 9months and we lived off it. Hence the needing to put he money away somewhere.
Thanks for your help everyone I appreciate all the assistance x
This is what I did but I was absolutely planning to leave (and did), it wasn't just about having an option so I'm not sure if it is relevant but anyway, that is the disclaimer.
xDP had a well paying job, we lived very comfortably and I was staying home full time with DD. We had built substantial savings (it was for a house deposit) in an account entirely in his name that I had to walk away from so I understand completely how it can feel to have given up your financial independance. He then had an account which was for day to day expenses (usually sat around $5000) which I had access to but it wasn't in both our names either.
For about 2 months before, I took a couple of hundred each week out by withdrawing a small amount each day so that it wasn't too obvious. DP was quite controlling so I didn't want to alert him to anything until I was ready to make my move. On the day that I left, I took out the daily limit which was $800 so all up I had around $2500, DP had my card cancelled that next day which is what I was expecting. I went straight to centrelink and began the process of applying for payments, they took a couple of weeks to begin but were backdated to my first contact with them. I was then lucky enough to be able to stay with my parents for a few months (so with very few expenses) to start building up enough savings to make a new home.
I left while he was at work and I took everything I felt I could but obviously there were gaps that needed filling (toaster was one thing I bought almost straight away lol but other things, like a TV, I never bothered replacing so we didn't have one until we moved in with now DP about 18 months later) and it was a little rough at first. We lived very basic in a tiny one bedroom place, we walked almost everywhere. Funny enough, now that I have more financial freedom with my new partner, we still live in a tiny place with a huge yard, we still walk almost everywhere and I love all the basic ways of living I established in that time of neccesity haha. You will be surprised all the things you don't really need when you have to make every dollar count
Can you talk to Centrelink and explain the situation - they may be able to help with an emergency payment to help you get out. Maybe any of the charities, Salvos, Vinnies etc.
Is there anyone that you can borrow some money off??
It sounds like a terrible situation.
As far as squirelling (???) money away can say the groceries cost a little more than they do etc, maybe the electicity was a little more expensive (I know that personally mine trippled) - does he check the account balances...
I would start with what a couple if the PP have suggested. Opening up your own bank account and trying to get some $$ into that for when the inevitable happens.
You could contact Centerlink and see what assistance they would/could offer, there is something called seperated under the same roof, but that would prove difficult to assess if you are still playing 'happy families'.
I think getting all of your 'ducks' in order is a very smart move. Start thinking about the bills and who's names they are in, try get as many as you can in his name, that way you won't leave with any bills (like electricity, home phone, etc) If there is any personal loans that you two share, or your own loan, try get as much as you paid off, this will make it easier on you in the long run. Remember the important paper work, birth certificates, marriage etc get them all together so you know where they are.
I'm sorry that your going through this, and I wish you all the best xoxo Lots of support and hugs xxo
Bill him for services and use that money as a nest egg. Do NOT just take his money and put it into your account where he cannot access it - that's theft. Even if you're married, if your intent is to deprive him of the money he has earnt, it's theft.
What's so bad about just finishing your studies as a couple and leaving when you have a job? It would make financial sense. Or would to me anyway.
in terms of independence in the eye's of c'link/government, they look at the nature of the household for you to be deemed seperated under one roof. the nature of your relationship includes sexual, financial and social interdependence (among other things) - if you are no longer involved in a sexual relationship, it's not enough. you have to be in the process of seperating totally and ONLY being in the same house because of limited reasons. one being that you don't ahve any money so you can't branch out on your own as yet until you get financial support
you would have to provide details of your relationship, and these are quite detailed. you'll be asked questions as to your living arrangements, how many people know you're seperated, how you are perceived in the eyes of society, what efforts you've made to seperate your finances (you mentioned having a debit card on his account - this would potentially work against you). you can explain that he is controlling in terms of finance and things, and that is what is stopping you leaving, but you need to be clear on what is happening, and be prepared to be knocked back if you are still, for the most part, functioning as a family. things like you doing all the cooking for all of you, eating meals together, doing the household washing (as opposed to doing yours and the girls and making him do his own). they will all work to stop you being deemed independent of him. you need to essentially show cause as to why you should be treated as housemates, not a couple kwim? in most cases, he would also be expected to complete the same forms to deem you seperated, so it wouldn't be a "secret" sort of thing. you'd have to show cause as to why it would put yourself or your children at risk if you let him know what is going on. this would need to be assessed by a social worker in most cases. and it would normally only be in cases of DV at a guess.
i've seen many more people knocked back than granted this status. and it's reviewed very regularly. it's intended as a stop gap while you find an alternative, not as a long term living arrangement kwim?
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I appreciate all the assistance x
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