Firstly . I am so sorry you are being put through this. How terrible he is making your pg for you.
I can't give you any advice I'm sorry but I'm hoping one of the lovely girls on BB will be out to help you out. Is there legal aid near you or can you ask your social worker to look into it for you? The other thing is he can't be at the birth if he doesn't know it's happening can he?? Can you just not tell him when you go into labour?
Best of luck and I hope you get to experience your birth just the way you want.
if he's become abusive in text, is it possible to get an AVO that stops him contacting you (and keeps him away from you/your child during and immediately after the birth?)
Wow. He's going to be fabulous support for you with that sort of attitude.
I imagine he will be asked to leave and/or arrested if he tries to break down doors to be there if you don't want him. In any event, get some legal advice pronto so you can have some piece of mind before birthing.
MadB - He won't be any support to me, he has already said this to me. And doesn't want to be there for me while im in labor, he wants to be there because he found out new Mr would be there.
P.s. Can I just add in here that he was not like this when I was with him. He was nice, until he found out I was pregnant. The when he left he started getting heavily into drinking and started on the drug (which btw..is all my fault..)
It's probably right that he won't get his act together to take you to court but, if he does, the court will likely grant him visitation with your child. It will start in small increments of time which, given his drug use, may be supervised and will build up over time.
Unfortunately, drug use and/or drinking is not a reason to stop visitation as far as the court is concerned. Especially if he does not have a long history of it and agrees not to use drugs while the child is present.
The child's right to have a relationship with her father is seen as paramount.
I agree that an avo would be good to ensure he does not turn up for the birth and cause trouble.
Yeah, i don't want to stop him having visitation, but for the first year I was hoping to breastfeed, which means bub won't be able to be gone for too long.
I would love him to be an active part of bubs life :-( But am seriously scared for my lil Peanut
He DOES, however, now have a history of threatening violence (breaking doors down and using abusive language), so that should act in your favour.
Also, you still get to choose if he's going to be on the birth cert or not. More food for thought.
It does sound like there will be a relationship with a father, just perhaps not with the bio father.
I reckon he can earn his title, and not by harrassing you at the birth or in the lead up to it.
They will be able to tell you exactly what your rights are and what his rights are and what action can be taken on each side. Both before and after the baby is born. Make sure you keep all the text messages/emails and save any voice mail messages as this could heavily impact things regarding custody later one.
Mayaness, Problem is that violence is often not enough either Trust me, my child is right now spending the weekend with her father who put me in hospital more than once.
The court also doesn't see that "father-ship" has to be earned. I wish they did.
ETA: I just think it's really important to be educated and realistic about how the Family Court works before you enter into proceedings. My experience is too many people go into it all thinking they have "right" on their side so how could the Court not possibly see it their way. The truth is, it's usually not about "right and fair" - at least not when it comes to the parents. These people who think it is, often leave very, very disheartened by the system. I have a saying about the Family Court - If both sides leave feeling like they have been hard done by then justice has been done.
I imagine, that if it went to court, while your ex wont be allowed in the birthing suite during the labour and birth, he would be allowed to attend the hospital and spend time with the child immediately after the birth. This would likely be supervised. I am not a lawyer but I reckon that's how a court would rule, on the face of it. If you got an AVO now through the Magistrates' Court, that would strengthen your position if and when it got to Family Court.
Last edited by nothing2lose; September 17th, 2011 at 06:49 PM.
I don't have any advice but didn't want to read your post and not reply It all sounds very stressful. I would speak to the hospital and make it clear that you do not want him at the birth. In fact why does he even have to know that you've gone into labour? We didn't tell anyone until after ds was born and we were ready to contact people. Even then we didn't have any visitors in the hospital or for the 1st week of ds's life. I think MIL was planing to visit us in hospital but we asked her and everyone else not to n the hospital were happy to tell visitors that they would have to call us and arrange a visiting time as they weren't allowed through.
Yeah, I have decided not telling him I'm in labor is the easiest. I don't think he even knows when I am actually due. Haha.
Thanks for everyones advice. I really just wanted to put my mind at ease for this evening knowing he can't legally FORCE me to let him there, or be there legally without me wanting him there.
It sucks about the drugs & alcohol not affecting his custody rights. :-(
And everyone is probably right, he won't get off his ass and get around to doing anything about it anyway. So I should stop stressing...Lol.
I am happily married and DH and I are planning more children in the future. He ain't going to be there when I give birth, and that's with us in a decent relationship. He isn't even going to know I'm in labour until the baby is here.
thanks emc2 - I thought they were all no, but he is being so damn convincing and I just wanted to make sure.
I am planning on seeing my social worker Monday afternoon (hopefully she can fit me in) and seeing what she might recommend, or at least talking through everything with her. I find that she is a good source of the 'diary' of when I hear from him, as I'm there in her office the next morning/afternoon having anxiety/panic attacks and crying my eyes out. Lol.
I have told him numerous times not to contact me, but he keeps doing it.
someone else said it...make a diary of EVERYTHING. ever text, call, threat. even if you do nothing with it, if you need it if he does take some sort of action.
he wouldnt have a lag to stand on. hugs to you that you have to deal with him being such a tool!!
. I am so sorry you are being put through this. How terrible he is making your pg for you.
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