Babys Father threatening to take me to court over the birth...ADVICE?!?!

**Livinthedream** · September 17th, 2011, 06:02 PM

Just make sure you keep all text/voice messages.
Good luck. xx

**nothing2lose** · September 17th, 2011, 06:09 PM

Hi

Sounds like you've been through a lot

It's probably right that he won't get his act together to take you to court but, if he does, the court will likely grant him visitation with your child. It will start in small increments of time which, given his drug use, may be supervised and will build up over time.

Unfortunately, drug use and/or drinking is not a reason to stop visitation as far as the court is concerned. Especially if he does not have a long history of it and agrees not to use drugs while the child is present.

The child's right to have a relationship with her father is seen as paramount.

I agree that an avo would be good to ensure he does not turn up for the birth and cause trouble.

Good luck!

**alice88** · September 17th, 2011, 06:16 PM

Yeah, i don't want to stop him having visitation, but for the first year I was hoping to breastfeed, which means bub won't be able to be gone for too long.
I would love him to be an active part of bubs life :-( But am seriously scared for my lil Peanut

**Smoke Jaguar** · September 17th, 2011, 06:18 PM

He DOES, however, now have a history of threatening violence (breaking doors down and using abusive language), so that should act in your favour.
Also, you still get to choose if he's going to be on the birth cert or not. More food for thought.
It does sound like there will be a relationship with a father, just perhaps not with the bio father.
I reckon he can earn his title, and not by harrassing you at the birth or in the lead up to it.

**Miss_Dee** · September 17th, 2011, 06:32 PM

The best idea would be to contact Legal Aid Legal Aid Queensland

They will be able to tell you exactly what your rights are and what his rights are and what action can be taken on each side. Both before and after the baby is born. Make sure you keep all the text messages/emails and save any voice mail messages as this could heavily impact things regarding custody later one.

**nothing2lose** · September 17th, 2011, 06:32 PM

Mayaness, Problem is that violence is often not enough either

Trust me, my child is right now spending the weekend with her father who put me in hospital more than once.

The court also doesn't see that "father-ship" has to be earned. I wish they did.

ETA: I just think it's really important to be educated and realistic about how the Family Court works before you enter into proceedings. My experience is too many people go into it all thinking they have "right" on their side so how could the Court not possibly see it their way. The truth is, it's usually not about "right and fair" - at least not when it comes to the parents. These people who think it is, often leave very, very disheartened by the system. I have a saying about the Family Court - If both sides leave feeling like they have been hard done by then justice has been done.

I imagine, that if it went to court, while your ex wont be allowed in the birthing suite during the labour and birth, he would be allowed to attend the hospital and spend time with the child immediately after the birth. This would likely be supervised. I am not a lawyer but I reckon that's how a court would rule, on the face of it. If you got an AVO now through the Magistrates' Court, that would strengthen your position if and when it got to Family Court.

**Rumpleteaser** · September 17th, 2011, 08:59 PM

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. what i do know is you can have whoever you want there at the birth and if need be exclude. Your ex has no rights to be at the birth. I would recommend you speak to legal aid, if you get in first i don't think they can represent your ex. It would also be next to impossible for ex to get custody.

**nothing2lose** · September 17th, 2011, 09:04 PM

Just wanted to point out there is no such thing as "custody" any more. The way it works now is the default position is that both parents have "shared responsibility" for a child. From there it is determined how much time a child spends with each parent. In cases of extreme violence (etc) or by agreement, one parent may be granted sole responsibility but this is very rare.

Rumple teaser is right that you need to get in first for Legal Aid. If he does, you won't be eligible to access them. That goes for Court Duty Solicitors too!

**Kazbah** · September 17th, 2011, 09:26 PM

Heys Alice .. sorry this is happening to yourself and your little Peanut. Please go see Legal Aid ASAP and get everything documented. Your personal safety is paramount ... i understand you had these very strong feelings about your X but you are *not* responsible, or at fault, or the cause of his actions, his choices. Things went bad for him because of the way he reacted to these stressors for himself - you are *not* at fault.

Please seek legal assistance. Please keep yourself safe. And enjoy your little Peanut.

**Cherished** · September 17th, 2011, 06:30 PM

I don't have any advice but didn't want to read your post and not reply

It all sounds very stressful. I would speak to the hospital and make it clear that you do not want him at the birth. In fact why does he even have to know that you've gone into labour? We didn't tell anyone until after ds was born and we were ready to contact people. Even then we didn't have any visitors in the hospital or for the 1st week of ds's life. I think MIL was planing to visit us in hospital but we asked her and everyone else not to n the hospital were happy to tell visitors that they would have to call us and arrange a visiting time as they weren't allowed through.

**alice88** · September 17th, 2011, 06:52 PM

Yeah, I have decided not telling him I'm in labor is the easiest. I don't think he even knows when I am actually due. Haha.

Thanks for everyones advice. I really just wanted to put my mind at ease for this evening knowing he can't legally FORCE me to let him there, or be there legally without me wanting him there.

It sucks about the drugs & alcohol not affecting his custody rights. :-(
And everyone is probably right, he won't get off his ass and get around to doing anything about it anyway. So I should stop stressing...Lol.

Any other advice is greatly appreciated. :-)

**Ca Plane Pour Moi** · September 18th, 2011, 12:39 AM

I am happily married and DH and I are planning more children in the future. He ain't going to be there when I give birth, and that's with us in a decent relationship. He isn't even going to know I'm in labour until the baby is here.

And legally, that's OK.

**Catastrophic** · September 18th, 2011, 07:50 AM

I am happily married and DH and I are planning more children in the future. He ain't going to be there when I give birth, and that's with us in a decent relationship. He isn't even going to know I'm in labour until the baby is here.

And legally, that's OK.

Can I ask why?