Firstly I'm sorry you didn't have a good experience for you birth or get your VBAC hun.I don't think birth plans are a waste of time, but I also know from experience that things just simply don't go to plan.
My main points on my birth plan with Izzy were, no drugs, I was terrified of an epidural and c/s and ended up with both as well. I also had lots of things like massage etc on there but DH and the midwives were a bit useless.
This time around I have gone through my plan with my doula, and I have pulled out just the absolutely necessary things like internals, IV, monitoring etc.... and I am leaving all the other "environmental" aspects up to DH and my doula. I am trusting them to make sure my birthing room is a calm, quiet dark place that I can do my thing! and I am trusting them to stick up for me mid contraction if they try to make me lie on my back for internals etc...
Having said all that, I am also aware that nothing is set in stone and that writing it on paper makes it very clear for me what I want, but I may change my mind and circumstances may change them for me too.
I hope that's not all too babbly! I'm a bit tired, but I think they are great to go through with your partner so you know what you are definite on, what you feel very strongly about and everything else needs to be pretty flexible.
I don't mean to offend also but I think that you should be able to trust your support people explicitly (although partners can be a bit useless seeing us in pain) but your doula in particular should have supported you better - birth plan or not. I would also maybe write a letter or speak to her about your disappointment hun.
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because I was not exactly in the best shape to do so myself
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I don't think birth plans are a waste of time, but I also know from experience that things just simply don't go to plan.

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