Are birth plans a waste of time?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My birth plan was verbalised as "don't offer me drugs because there is a genetic problem my baby probably has inherited and I want to discover the gender myself."

They did remember to let me find out the gender before anyone could tell me. But a woman's right not to be pushed drugs shouldn't be only there if you're not in a hospital.

In my plan I had plans there for a C section because I knew what the hospital was like. I'm more upset they hid the plan with important medical information on and I had to explain it over and over again. Why could people not accept I can push and have a posterior labour (thanks to them) without pain relief? It didn't hurt, so stop telling me it does!

Why should anyone HAVE to write a birth plan that states "don't bully me into things you want to happen"? Because that's what a birth plan is - an anti-bully statement. And do bullies take any notice of them? No. That's why I think it's a waste of time. Sure, it makes you research things so you're more prepared, but who gives a stuff about that?

I am very bitter so I'll stop now.

[Smoke Jaguar]

RF - I'm so sorry that you feel so bitter about things, there's a hell of a lot of healing left for you There are so many things that weren't right with your situation that can't be addressed by birth plans, and it didn't go wrong with your birth plan or discarding of it.
My birth plan was not an anti-bully statement, it didn't have to be because of where I was. It would have been more an anti-bully statement had I gone to the maternity ward, though.

[ticklish]

Interesting debate happening but I didn't mean this to turn into a debate about doulas.

Equally we could debate why some husbands are emotionally depraved.

Let be clear that I do not regret any of the choices I made.

Kelly, I truly believe that I was well informed and did all my homework. No, I was not in the public system. Talk of inexperienced doulas is totally irrelevant in my case. Yes, I did have a private OB for medical reasons (my fourth OB actually after having checking out a few and finding one that promised to be VBAC friendly) . I agree that the hospital environment psychologically is probably not the right choice for me but I chose an OB and the medical environment for my safety and that of my baby during the pregnancy and birth . Debate about what happens for low risk women is not relevant to me either. Am I blaming any choices or the plan for ending up with an emergency c/s? I don't think so. I was expressing feelings of being unsupported.

More relevant to me is the promises that were made and were broken. Looking back may be my expectations were unrealistic because ultimately we are dealing with human beings and we are flawed. But I don't think that means that I am not entitled to feel disappointed. I did and do feel unsupported.

My OB read my plan and promised that he would not refer to time and progression.

It was not the midwife who let me know how far dilated I was. It was my OB a few hours after admission.

I felt let down because not only was it in my plan in black and white that I did not want to know plus he made a verbal promise to me. I was totally demoralised and I believe this lead my down the slippery slop to the emergency c/s. Why did he do it? I think simply he forgot about his promise and it was more from a desire to keep me informed about what was happening. Drs are overworked, have hundreds of patients and can't remember things, and for these reasons work on auto pilot. I doubt that he would even remember what he had said to me beforehand. I didn't expect my doula to tell my OB off but may be I expected her and my husband to acknowledge my feelings of disappointment and realise I was told something I did not want to know.

Yes, there were shift changes. The first midwife I had was a total cow and I am glad that her shift soon came to an end. My second midwife was the most beautiful calm midwife and I am grateful for that. In the end however, there was another shift change and another midwife came to theatre. It seems to me that she did not read my birth plan because her actions afterwards seem to indicate that.

How wonderful it would have been had my husband realised I wanted him and baby to stay in recovery with me. How wonderful it would have been had my doula gently reminded him. How wonderful it would have been for my husband to enquire about what had happened to the placenta and for my doula to have prompted him.

For me the issue is solely about feeling fully loved and supported at a difficult and momentus time. To know that my preferences were important enough to be remembered by others even in an emergency. I feel alone because in the end it is only me that would even remember what my preferences were even though they were all written down and only me that can ever advocate for me - a disappointing reality.

Thank you those women who have also shared feelings of disappointment. I wanted to know whether I was alone. I now know that I am not and that is important.

TICKLISH

[Smoke Jaguar]

Actually, Ticklish, your thread title asks if birth plans are a waste of time. The respondents here have replied as to why they are or are not and the discussion took off from there. That's what happens when you post a thread in the public domain, it's not a bad thing
I felt that everyone here DID support your feelings of disappointment, particularly because your birth plan was practically discarded. We don't have to have had a disappointing experience to feel that it could have gone so much better for you and your family.
If for some reason I have to use a medicalised environment for a future birth, this discussion has flagged for me the need to really jump up and down about getting mutual agreement about the things outlined in my birth plan from the caregivers in that environment so that labour is not the time to spell it out to anyone there. Especially where the environment is not structurally conducive to women taking ownership of their births.
I still don't believe your expectations were unrealistic, I think they were disrespected and disregarded in favour of the self-importance of your OB in this case, from what you have described. You think a few of us have used your thread as a platform, but I think we are indignant on your behalf and have used the opportunity to say flesh out our thoughts on a few matters.
No one has blamed the choices you made, just the people who think they have the right to decide to override your preferences. It's a systemic failing, not a personal one.
I hope you can see the distinction and that it may bring you some comfort. You can already see that the outcome wasn't your fault - it was an inherent risk of the system you were in that you had tried to mitigate in your birth plan. I believe you did all you could given the environment. Your DH seemed to have been underprepared for the pressures, which is really disappointing.
Trust me, angry on your behalf!!

[sirenz]

Unfortunately many carers do not read birth plans. Birth centres are usually quite good, they encourage birth plans and read them, but with so many shift changes in hospitals they often sadly don't bother to read it and their job in a hospital is all about progress... so they often tell you.

When I was in labour, in a hospital, my midwives read my birthplan and also as their shift change, informed the new midwives of my birthplan choices, they all followed what I had in my plan and I thought they were quite good.

I think whoever you have as a support person should take some responsibility to make sure they understand your plan and can make sure it is followed to how you want it, that is part of what a support person is there for, your doula or dh should have stood up and said something when they were informing you of your progress and after your ds was born, they should have stood up and reminded staff of your choices.

I am glad I had a birth plan, even though in the end ds was born via emergency c/s (it saved his life!) i was just happy in the end to be going home with my baby instead of making funeral plans for him. My birthplan got me as far as possible and i think you should be prepared for some changes to take effect iykwim.

After all that, what i'm trying to say is i don't think birth plans are a waste of time, but you have to make sure your support person/s will stand up for what you want.

[Beckibee]

Just my opinion but I thought the birth plan was primarily a fantastic tool for ME. I sat down and mused over it for hours, before giving it to my DH & sister to read who were to be in the delivery room (and certainly were). It really forced me to think of all possibilities and how I wanted them dealt with.

I made copies for the hospital and gave it to my OB on my 2nd to last visit before having Maddy. Her eyes fair popped out of her head. She was actually impressed that I had taken the time to think it all out, and I think it really set the mood because she could tell I knew what I wanted for the birth. She read it all (and it was LONG *L*) and then put it in my file. From the moment I was admitted the morning after my waters broke, the hospital staff treated me as a mature independant woman who could make her own decisions. When they wanted to do something, they asked. Basically it empowered not only me, but my husband and sister.