Is it a bit much to write post-birth guidelines for visitors?

[TeniBear]

Well the original idea was to have it just on a bit of paper on the bedside table or something (I didn't really think about how I would show them, just that I wanted to)

Like I said, I'll still write it and maybe just practise telling people what's acceptable and what's not.

I'm on my iPod so I can't remember who said it, but I like the idea of having bub on my chest - I expect to not be pitting him/her down often anyway, so that should be easy to do

Actually, getting back to something I said in an earlier post... What do you do with bub when you're showering? Do you take the plastic cot thing in the room with you? I think I'm going to be like my mum was with me and not want bub out of my sight...

ETA: PZ, maybe when we see each other next we can practice getting my big girl boots on

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[*Ang*]

You either shower when someone else is there eg DH or you ask the midwives to take baby to the nursery whilst you shower.

[PumpkinZulu]

I don't think it's too much to have ideas on what you want to happen. I think a lot of people would get offended by the idea of a physical 'list'. But I like the idea of having the list written for yourself, and simply bringing things up as the issue arises. So if someone goes out for a smoke, saying something like "oh just FYI, when you come back can you please wash your hands, just for the baby? Thanks". My mum is a smoker (trying to quit) but I said to her I won't like it if she smokes when bubs is with her. Her solution? No smoking half an hour before seeing bub, and she's even going to get some cheap disposable medical gowns to put on her front when holding bub if she's smoked that day. Not expecting that but good in her! So people may surprise you.

[Traveller]

I always showered whilst bub was sleeping with the door wide open so I could hear/see them. Made me a bit exposed if anyone came in though

One of my friends gave birth in a hospital where meals were served in a breakfast room, and babies were made to stay in the bedroom. So she had to leave her twins every time she wanted to eat or drink Great way to encourage bonding - not!

[briggsy's girl]

with the showering thing - DD spent most of her time rooming in with me (maybe 4 hours in total she was away) - DH arrived each morning before breakfast was served, and didn't leave til after dinner that night. yeah, it was a long day for him, but in his words "i'm starting as i intend to go on - hands on all the way" - and he has been! to shower, i would feed and settle E, and then shower with DH in the room to take care of her if she woke. it was also good for me as i had a small PPH and was still wonky on my feet for a couple of days, so having him right there if i needed him made things a LOT easier.

[HotI]

I took bub into the bathroom with me when i had a shower. Gave her a feed before and most times she just slept.

[Jellyfish]

DD's Dad (and my partner at the time) stayed the whole time I was in hospital, even overnight, so he kept an eye on DD while I showered.

[~Lashes~]

with ds1, i asked a midwife to watch him while i had a quick shower, (the one who came across as the nicest and i felt comfortable with) df was there every other time, with ds1 & ds2. with dd, i left her sleeping in my room, there is a bathroom allocated to each room, my bed was right next to the door, id just half close the curtain to my bed, and have a quick one of a morning while she had a sleep, if i felt i needed one of a night id do the same as long as it wasnt visiting hours. once bub is here and safe you should be overcome with a type of euphoria (sp? not sure thats the right word?) that your fears will hopefuly be less of a issue.

[TeniBear]

I tend to like late-night or super-early-morning showers though, forgot to mention that I suppose I can put up with a couple of days' worth of afternoon showers and let Scott hold the baby for a few minutes I suppose he did kinda help with the conception, he should get to have at least a quick cuddle


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[black_rose]

If you have a private room it's no big deal, shower with the door open and you can hear what's going on in your room. If you are sharing I am sure the other mums won't mind keeping an eye on bubs for you

[Pretty Butterfly]

I always showered when my partner was there... thet way I KNEW where and who had my baby... I was VERY protective... With my first couple of babies, I slept with my arm in the crib thingy, then when I learnt about co-sleeping, I put the rails up on the bed and had them in with me (much to the hossy's horror)... They were never without me or daddy....

[Honeybee]

I would feel uncomfortable with a list, but I really know how you feel. I have trouble asserting myself verbally as well. DS was in special care for a few days, and then after that an outpatient in my room. As he was ill, I was totally paranoid about visitors, so only had grandparents and my sister for the first week in hospital. I got DH to tell people no visitors who had been around young children, for fear of infection. BIL and SIL have a young daughter, and they are always sick with something. I don't want lots of people holding my baby either, perhaps you could have a blanket rule and say that you have been advised that only you and your DH are to hold the baby for the first, however many weeks? I might do something like that. I don't like the idea of passing my baby around - because it's not to the baby's benefit, it's to satisfy the adults. Thankfully I don't know any smokers, because I would not want a smoker to hold my baby at all, but it would be so hard to say that. When DS was born DH's family came to visit a few days after we got home from hospital, stupid idiot BIL was taking flash photos of DS while DH's SIL held him. I was soooo angry at him, and took DS back pretty quickly - people do some really dumb things and a lot don't treat babies as real people, who deserve respect.
I wonder if you could get your DH to send out an email/text after bubs is born laying out a couple of your most important rules? Or get him to intercept people on their way in and have him tell them 'no holding' or 'please wash your hands'? Then you shouldn't have to deal with it at all, you don't want to have that to worry about while you are getting to know your new baby.

[~Lashes~]

depending on what hospital your at (and how up tight they are with the rules) Scott would probably be able to stay outside the usual visiting hours. i remember with seth, he would stay untill 11pm, only leaving as he had to get the last train home (changing in the city) when i had dd, there was one couple the father stayed every night, i think he slept on the visitors chair? im sure if he is quiet they wouldnt mind to much if hes there outside the visiting hours?? ive only ever seen them be realy strickt on hours if it was requested, you were to loud or extended family.

[briggsy's girl]

My DH stayed the night DD was born (well, the night before - she arrived at 5am!), left around 11 each night and was back by 8 in the morning, usually earlier. we had a 60k trip too and from the hospital, so he would go home, feed the animals, get some shut eye, then come back. he also stayed the last night and all the last day (we weren't discharged til 5.30pm due to DD being jaundiced etc).

so i was in for basically a full week (less a few hours) and he went home for maybe 36 hours in total in that week - don't assume he will have to leave! having DH there was a godsend when trying to establish BF, get bub to gain weight, feeding all hours and still getting sleep while he settled her. plus HE gave me the confidence to stand up to everyone - just his presence...

[TeniBear]

depending on what hospital your at (and how up tight they are with the rules) Scott would probably be able to stay outside the usual visiting hours. i remember with seth, he would stay untill 11pm, only leaving as he had to get the last train home (changing in the city) when i had dd, there was one couple the father stayed every night, i think he slept on the visitors chair? im sure if he is quiet they wouldnt mind to much if hes there outside the visiting hours?? ive only ever seen them be realy strickt on hours if it was requested, you were to loud or extended family.

Yep, fathers' visiting hours are 8am - 8:30pm

[Miss.September]

DH stayed with me from the time we arrived in hospital, to five days later when we left with DD. The only time he went home was to feed our dogs. But if you are an early morning or late night showerer Teni, it's outside normal visiting hours anyway.

I'd be telling the two in particular that you want them to have "Hands Off" until you and bub have bonded. If these two are your main concern, then be tough. Good luck hun

[fionas]

OK, deep breath, I think there's BB world and I think there's the other world and what may seem acceptable parameters in BB world can often seem REALLY weird in the other world.

Personally, if I made the effort to go and see someone in hospital and they didn't 'let' me hold their baby, I'd be really disappointed/sad. Yes, I know the reasons for it but really, I'd rather someone said no visitors in that case.

As for washing hands, I was in a private hospital and honestly don't remember seeing any signs about it. I certainly didn't wash my hands before holding DD, neither did DP and nor, from memory, did any of the myriad of midwives or doctors who came in. I would never ask someone to wash their hands before holding my DDs. I'd expect them to use their common sense and have already washed their hands if they needed to eg. if they'd been to the loo or whatever. I've been in hospitals where there WERE big signs up about handwashing and of course, I would respect that, but I can't recall seeing it in either maternity hospital I've been in.

Having said all that, I'm very respectful of people's wishes. Their baby, they can ask whatever they want and I can choose how much I want to see them IYKWIM. So you have every right to determine what you're comfortable with and what you're not but yes, I think some people will think it's OTT.

[Cherished]

You've mentioned a couple a times about pretending you aren't home or accidentally on purpose getting visiting hours mixed up at the hospital. Make sure this doesn't blow up in your face hon. If I found out that a so called friend had done that to me when I had traveled or taken the time to help celebrate the birth of their child by even wanting to visit in the 1st place let alone bringing gifts and flowers, I'd be really hurt that you didn't value my time and energy or as your friend Why would you want to waste peoples time and have them turn up when you know they wont be able to see you? All so that you don't have to stand up and say "now is not a good time" or "You can't hold the baby" I'm all for a little white lie to keep you feeling in control but something like "bubs been really hard to settle so I'd rather you have a hold another day" is more appropriate than wasting your friends and families time to even come and see you. So sorry I couldn't sugar coat that for you but I think the whole topic is getting a little OTT now