with the showering thing - DD spent most of her time rooming in with me (maybe 4 hours in total she was away) - DH arrived each morning before breakfast was served, and didn't leave til after dinner that night. yeah, it was a long day for him, but in his words "i'm starting as i intend to go on - hands on all the way" - and he has been! to shower, i would feed and settle E, and then shower with DH in the room to take care of her if she woke. it was also good for me as i had a small PPH and was still wonky on my feet for a couple of days, so having him right there if i needed him made things a LOT easier.