c/s- the AFTER effects that you never knew

[maz]

OMG girls

I honestly didnt expect to get such a reply from you all.

I think its one of those tabo things no one ever talks about cause - pardon the pun - it gets tucked away rofl I just wanted to open some eyes IFYKWIM

I dont think many people who can have baby naturally can truely understand the pains afterwards....it really isnt the 'easy way out' as many people think it is and for those who do, well I think they live in a fairytale land.

I dont know how the hell jed finds me physically attractive when all I see in the mirror is a body that was been disformed from having my c/s.c I repulse myself sometimes at what I see. I know its not my fault but OMG I jsut wish I could sometimes aford a tummy tuck atleast

It is truely amazing that something as beautiful and pure as having a baby can make you feel and look utter ugly and dirty.

thanks girls for being as open as me and everyone......i think we need to let more people know the truth about the after pains of a c/s

[~breeze~]

Thank you all!!!

I have been straining my brain to decide between a c/s (suggested to me by my doc due to medical reasons) & another vag birth. You have just helped me make my decision!!!
Another vag birth for me....... (Just have to be better prepared this time)

[nic]

Oh Yes Maz, the judgemental people who think they know it is the 'easy way out'
A few hours after my DD was born, I had a visitor (mother of another new parent who I knew) who told me that she had had a c/s and vaginal with her kids and the c/s was by far the worse.
Then I had my DH grannie saying behind my back "we've all been through it" yet she praises my SIL for having it so hard with her natural labour!
What upsets me even more is I had someone who had a c/s around the same time as me, telling me that she took the easy way out and had a c/s! I wonder were all these easy way out c/s are??

Nic

[BellyBelly]

I think they say c/s is the easy way out because of our fear based practice of normal birth. Women see it as frightening, painful and a c/s is quick, no pain during it - no-one talks about after.

Women are shown frightening birth videos in hospitals - one of my newer clients said to me she walked out thinking seriously about a c/s and didnt want a VB.
Obs are caring for women - they are specialists in things going wrong. Midwives see birth as normal and treat it that way until there is a problem, so there is less scare tactics when you have your own midwife - and things aren't looked at in the same way.
Hospital based birth education is highly inadequate. It takes an independent birth class to see how badly hospital classes are lacking and what you are NOT told.

So many things are wrong with our system and women are suffering. I wish they would stand up to the system more. We need to - we are losing out, they are not.

I think once women start getting more empowered with birth, start feeling stronger and are educated and confident, then it will not be said by so many as the 'easy' way out. Especially with the growing number of infections that are getting harder to treat... its becoming more serious and I have no doubt people will start to see it as NOT the easy way out really soon. I just wish people would not be so skeptical at the motives of people like myself or the mods on BB about educating and informing. Someone has to get through to the masses and I only hope women can think twice and really research the options open to them, get second opinions and believe in themselves. We don't gain financially from it. We just care and want women to experience the power and empowerment that so many of us have felt taking back the control over our bodies and gaining respect from our carers.

[paradise lost]

Women are shown frightening birth videos in hospitals - one of my newer clients said to me she walked out thinking seriously about a c/s and didnt want a VB.

Seriously common Kelly - i think part of the problem is that they show a video of a vaginal birth BEFORE they explain what the different phases are and so on. Imagine if you went to sex ed and the FIRST thing they showed you was some heavy pornography!? YUK - i'm sure i was sometimes noisy, sometimes quite, and even though it might have LOOKED like i was not coping, i WAS, and my midwives could tell i was too. People who have never seen birth need to be shown the process gently, not confronted with it. One of the most striking things one of the women i met at toddler group said to me (i skipped my "classes" as their entire homebirth education was the sentence "some women choose to have their baby at home" and that was it, and i didn't see the point of hanging around for 8 weeks to hear about all the interventions and drugs i couldn't have) was "the c-section video was really nice - everyone was so quiet and peaceful and then you just heard the baby, with the vaginal there was so much yelling "push" and the woman yelling!" - NO WONDER women THINK c-sections are a better way!

Bx

[Tobily]

Seriously common Kelly - i think part of the problem is that they show a video of a vaginal birth BEFORE they explain what the different phases are and so on.
Bx

Not to mention also that they're usually videos of highly medicalised births - mother on her back on a bed, drips and monitoring, room full of people, coached pushing, stirrups - to the outsider looking in, it DOES look clinical, impersonal, undignified and just plain bloody scary. There are too many women (and men) who only have exposure to this sort of birth and don't realise that it doesn't have to be like that.

Hospital birth classes have the sole purpose of priming women for a hospital birth and making sure that they know what is expected of them before they get there IMO. They are fundamentally disempowering and for the most part quite negative.

maz - thank you for being so honest. There is nothing glamorous or easy about having surgery even when a beautiful baby is the result.

[sazzafrazz]

Thanks so much Maz.
This is exactly what I needed to read!

I have begun to feel so ugly and disgusting lately especially as I have just seen the photos we had taken at Celeste's baptism on the weekend. I knew my blub hung down but I didnt realise it was so obvious even with clothes on. I almost cried when I saw those photos and this is 3months after the surgery. I am grateful to have had the caesarian as it saved her life and probably mine also but I am still devestated that I missed out on a VB.
I am still so itchy and get that searing burning pain all the time. My Gunt (lol I love that name) is also very crooked because it was such an emergency that I have a very funny pubic hair line with some above the scar on one side but far below it on the other side. Plus there is the verandah where the skin is in an ugly purple welt like I was stitched up like a wheat sack. Not to mention the smelly, sweaty part where the air never breathes. AB excercises are painful and I think my core muscles are affected with more back pain these days plus leaking!!! which people think only happens with a VB also.

I feel so small when people joke about how hard birth is and brag about it like I am less of a mother for having had one. I really do take it very personally. My bf said at least all my 'bits' are the same. That was like a kick in the guts too. Yeah my woo hoo looks the same but who sees that??? You cant tell in the baptism photos that my V-j is still the same!!!

Ah, its great to know Im normal for feeling all this. I was beginning to think I was being overdramatic thinking this way about my CS.

[Junglemum]

I feel so small when people joke about how hard birth is and brag about it like I am less of a mother for having had one

Therein lies a major problem, people should be less judgemental and support each other no matter how their baby was bought into the world.

Maz- Jed loves you cause you are a sexy woman, gunt, or no gunt! xxx

[paradise lost]

The women who think c-section is way easier than VB are the SAME women who might HAVE that c-section as an "easy" option.

Both the fact that some women have them without them being medically necessary and that some women think they are some sort of birth cop-out are symptoms of the same thing - the FACTS about c-sections are so little known! It is sad but with brave ladies like you lot shouting it out the message WILL get heard!

Bx

[~mamaspice~]

Great post Maz!

My name for a gunt is a Stoodgey belly. And I actually already had a bit of a Stoodgey before I had my CS due to constant weight loss and weight gain. Also, some people are just more prone to it than others and even non CS mums get Stoodgey bellies.
Girls please try not to feel so down on yourselves about the stoodge. Your partner loves you anyway, and get out there and find yourself some nice bikini briefs that hold everything in nicely (hipster grundies are definately out!). No-one (other than the few who see you naked) will ever know that you have a stoodgey, and you'll feel so much more confident in yourself.

Stoodgies aside. My actual scar healed brilliantly and although the area is still a little numb I feel no abdominal pain and I don't get any itching rashes.

However, as we are being honest about C-sections. May I just mention the emotional anguish they give some of us. I grieved terribly over a lost birth experience and nothing prepared me for that!

[BellyBelly]

And how many people tell you... 'at least you have a healthy baby.' That soooooo doesn't help, in fact its the worst thing to say as you are immediately dismissing how mum feels and the anguish that she is going through. I wish people could just say, 'and how are you feeling about it?' instead.

[~mamaspice~]

Spot on Kelly. Many people just don't understand. Birthing and bonding with your newborn is such an important part of being a woman. It's what we are mean't to do and it can be so crushing when it's taken away.

[Olive]

maz well said and great that you bought this up!!

i had a medical review today for possible future surgery for episiotomy scaring which i found very long diffecult and painful to recover from, many people have said to me to just have a c/s next time and after all ive been through i really want and will have another vag. delivery!
we also disscussed my weakend pelvic floor mucsles to whcih she explained that having a c/s will not mean there exempt from weakening, another myth in my opinion that people think a c/s will prevent!

[Nadine216]

I don't want to be rude and I do understand everyone's point of view AND it might be that I only had one c/s .... but for me, it was a good experiance *runs and hide* I liked my c/s. It was not what I chose or what I wanted, but it was not a nightmare. I just feel that in the same way that you have horror VB stories, you have horror c/s stories. ATM horror c/s are all the rage, because we are realising that normal birth is actually better, kwim?? And what better way to change ppl's minds than making c/s bad, horrific and shamefull - elective or not that is the feeling going around - not just here, everywhere.
I am NOT saying that is what you are doing here, Maz, I get that this is your personal experiance, your emotions, your struggle and I am truly sorry that you itch and hurt and feel deprived. I am just saying that I have been noticing that bad-mouthing c/s as much as you can is the "in" thing to do. Please don't be mad, I am not attacking you personally, neither am I attacking VB ... I am just speaking my mind. I am not a fighter, I am a lover
When they said c/s in the begining (10 days before birth) I was horrified. I did not want that, but that was the cards that were dealt. Yes, I did not get to see my baby till the next day. Yes, I do get itchy sometimes. Yes, the scar are still numb. BUT I am proud of it. My baby was born out of there. Maybe my body handled the operation better than some of you, and I am sorry for you. Maybe this time I am going to carry huge and have a gunt and feel different.

I do really get the thing about electing a c/s .. big no-no if you are doing it for vanity or pride.

I just wanted to say that not everybody has had a BAD c/s experiance. I loved my c/s and even though I did not want to gave birth that way, I am proud of it.

[sushee]

At my antenatal class of 10 couples, only 2 were planning a VB (I was one). Two other couples were going to 'attempt' labour and the other 6 couples were going to have elective c/s.

There are a lot of people who already believe that c/s is the 'easy way out'. Just to let them know that for every 'good' c/s someone has, there are as many or more out there who've had long term problems as a result of their c/s is about being realistic.

[LisaL]

Hi ladies,

I too had an emergency c/s after more than 27 hours of labour. But like Nadine, I had a good experience, recovery was quick I was back on my feet within 2 days and driving within 3 weeks. You can bearly see my scare, TBH I dont even know that its there, unless one of my pg girlfreinds asks to see it, and even they are suprised at how small and neat it is. To date, it hasnt been itchy, no infections and nothing to complain about.

I desperatley wanted a vaginal delivery and all natural at that. I was on track, no drugs, contractions now 1 min apart, but my DD turned and tilted her head making it impossible for her to come out. I was horrified of c/s because of all the bad stories Id heard, so when OB instructed to prep for c/s, I started throwing up becuase I was so scared. My next pg wont be elective c/s and I intend to wait for spotaneous labour like with DD, however- I dont want to knock c/s either because there will be some poor 1st time pg lady reading this thread and being totally petrified if her labour looks like its heading for an emergency c/s. In my personal opinion c/s is ok providing it is medically necessary or an emergency.

If its elective, well its a case of making sure the mum to be has done as much research as possible and discussed her decision in detail with her caregiver. The onus is on the OB to give realistic advice as to the posisble 'after effects' of a c/s.

I think its up to each individual woman to make up her own mind, and lucky for us, Miss Maz has given an open and truly honest account of her c/s experiences (thanks Maz ) to allow us all to have a frank discussion about the pros and cons of c/s...

Lisa

[BellyBelly]

Yes it certainly is a complex issue. I think if more Obs were honest about the truths then less c/s would be going on, it's a shame we have to leave it to ourselves and past experiences to find out. In fact I am sure that there is so much competition and *****ing about mode of birth because of the way women are treated.

They are not told anything else by their carers
More and more women are having crappy experiences
They are not able to properly debrief their births (again a casualty of Ob care, Obs don't do that)
They are not supported well in labour as there is no continuous care, so labour may be frightening, go down the tubes
They are not educated about active birth or how to manage a slow/stalling/problematic labour and go down the obstetric route to 'fix' the labour whereas midwives trained in normal labour have tricks up their sleeve, without tools needed!

We'd have less c/s and interventions if we changed the way we cared for women. Yes there are some lovely Obs out there and people have had great experiences, but with one to one midwifery care, we'd have much better outcomes and women would get continuity of care like never before - and god forbid they just might like it better that way

[Mollygirl]

Maz

I haven't had a c/s, it sounds terrible, and I'm sorry you are in pain. But I wanted to say thank you for your post and telling the truth about it so people know more.