Caesar mums- do you feel you missed out?

[zap]

C section with my twins but it was always in the cards. It wasn't until I feel pg with ds3 and people started telling me I "couldnt" do it did I feel ripped off. I will be attempting a VBAC again this time but will never rule out a c section. The choice is yours at the end of the day. Stay away from that kind of negativity. Good luck.

[JLeigh29]

DS was born by emergency c/s and I did feel a little disappointed at first that things didn't go according to plan (from natural, drug free water birth to epidural and c/s!) and sometimes I wish I'd had the opportunity to experience the whole giving birth thing. However, I had 22 hours of labour before the c/s so I did get to experience some! I will definitely be going for a VBAC if/when I have another as I don't believe in having major surgery when it's not necessary, or pumping drugs into mine (and bubs) systems when they don't need to be. Millions of women give birth naturally and I am just as capable as any of them, so why not give it a go ? And I've done a fair bit of reading into outcomes of c/s vs vb for babies. However, having a c/s doesn't make me less of a mother, or less bonded with DS. And if I need to have another c/s for medical reasons, I will! What your friend said to you was out of order and unasked for. It's your decision to make, so weigh up all the options and do what's best for you, not what others deem is 'right'.

[ferrals5]

Do what ever makes you comfortable and happy at the end of the day as long as bub is here safe is all that matters.
Me having given birth naturally to 4 children and my 5th and last a c section due to placenta previa i dont feel like i missed out at all my girl is here safe BUT! i will tell you i would never opt for a c section it was horrible compared to my natural births i was up and showered within 1/2 hour of all their births i had wonderful births and would do that again in a heartbeat the ceasar for me was bloody awful.

[Heaven]

Wtf is with people telling you what you should do and being so pushy about it? Gosh that makes me angry! You do whatever makes you happy!

Personally, after my c/s I didn't have any birth trauma or anything but I was dissapointed that I didn't get to experience a VB and I found that every time someone mentioned how I 'gave birth' in my head I would think 'I didn't actually give birth though'. I knew it was wrong to think that because I had 35+ hrs of labour and gave it a bloody good go but somehow that bit at the end meant a lot to me So next time I opted for a VBAC and I'm so glad I did because it was the perfect birth for me.

[Charlotte91]

I had a planned c/s with DD at 34 weeks. She had stopped growing, was in breech, and had a serious birth defect that resulting in her having her bowels on the outside of her body.
I knew I was going to have a c/s. Althought ALOT of women with Gastroschisis bubs (DD's defect) do have VB's, with DD being in breech it wasn't a possibility.

My recovery was fine, I was up and walking around The Royal Children's the very next day.

I would like C/S next time, but if I don't, then I don't. As long as bubby gets here safe, thats all that matters. I may even opt for a c/s next time if I go overdue because my last one was so fantastic.
Its your choice. Don't let anything tell you otherwise.

[Nai]

I had 2x c/s and do feel like I missed out a bit - but without both my girls wouldn't be here and the feeling of disappointment gets less as time goes on. Also if I had to make a choice between a natural birth and a trouble-free pregnancy and breastfeeding relationship I would opt for the c/s. I try to focus on the bits that were positive ie. I had 2 great pregnancies with no issues at all and I BF both DD's for over 14 months so looking back I do feel happy and blessed that I was able to do the thing that was ultimately the most important thing to me.

You need to do what you feel will be the best thing for you and your baby. If that is another c/s then that is your decision. Your friend is projecting her own desires on to you and that isn't fair.

[Phteven]

I don't feel like I missed out and the older my children get the less important the way that I birthed them seems.

[~Minny~]

I have had 2 emergency ceasers, one while trying for a vbac and i always feel i have missed out, but these are my own issues and as time goes on it gets easier. I would be like that lady BUT i wouldnt tell you what i think is right for you! If your comfortable with the decisions you have made thats all that matters, dont worry about her opinions....that are just that HER opinions and not what is going to work for you

Be at peace with what you decide

[LizLemon]

Oh maybe for about 5 minutes? and then I got over it. My DS was c-section and this one will be too. There are many things I would have regretted in life had I not done them - the biggest being a parent, but giving birth vaginally is not one of them. Why? Because it is a purely medical thing that we often don't have control over. I didn't have control over how I would give birth to DS, so it is not something I worry about. And he is here safe and THAT is what is important.

I trust my OB completely and therefore have no doubt over having a c-section this time. Sure, it would be easier if I had a vaginal in terms of recovery and dealing with a toddler at the same time but that is the way the cards have fallen and I am fine with that.

I find it offensive that that woman or anyone else would be trying to project her views on you like that. It shows her insecurities, not yours. Make peace with your decisions and know that being a good parent is the key - not achieving a particular birth just because people tell you you should.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I should probably qualify that I answered the post from the POV of a VBer, and I am very anti-unneccessary intervention. I haven't had a c-section and I feel very strongly about people people's opinions disempowering others. That will always get my goat! You only get true peace when you are true to yourself. No-one else counts, except your children, and they are the only ones you ever have to answer to, my love

[AJC]

Not way do I regret having a caesar and I certainly don't feel like I've 'missed out' just because I didn't experience contractions/labour/vaginal birth. I don't care if I have another caesar with this bub, I just want another healthy bub. My only negative with my caesar was the pain after birth, however my sister had a natural birth which didn't go so well and was actually in more pain for a longer period of time than I was having a c/s.

[Gigi]

i have had one labour
planned for and began a natural home water birth
ended up in an ambulance after 29 hours of labour
spent 7 hours of medical intervention in a hospital
then emergency c-section with complications
bonding was very difficult
PND
very long recovery period before i could stand up and walk with my back straight, not having to hold onto walls

so i resent my c-section still, after 4.5 years.
i resent the many months of my baby's first year, when all i could do was the bare essentials of caring for her, i was too ill to even stand long enough to make a sandwich.

but i would not put my experience onto another mother. I think how you go thru labour, is your decision.

i cannot use the b word about my daughter. i also say "when she arrived". i cannot bring myself to say "her b*****".

i wish i had educated myself thoroughly, about ALL ways of going thru labour. i ONLY found out about VB, and so when the opposite was happening to me (emerg c-section at 41w and 5days), i had no clue, could not make informed judgements and was at the behest of the strangers (medical staff) that happened to be on duty that day.

i tried going to CARES and it didn't help - the focus was on having a VBAC to heal yourself, for your subsequent babies. Didn't help me when my first baby was going to be my last baby.

[berrme]

I don't feel like I missed out and the older my children get the less important the way that I birthed them seems.

I have had a c/s and a VB and I don't think it mattered even a month afterwards how each had been born. I preferred the VB, but I don't compare my children by how they were born, I don't love my second son more because he came out of my vagina. Children at school don't compare eachother by how their mother birthed them. It is only women who judge themselves and unfortunately sometimes other women on their births.

Personally I knew I couldn't ask for surgery with my second birth unless it was medically necessary, but that was ME. I wasn't traumatised, I recovered quickly, I bonded and BF fine...I just wanted to do it without surgery. When preparing for my VBAC I met a number of women who were very damaged by their c/s and to go for another would have been unthinkable for them. They needed something different from their next birth to heal. But I would never tell someone they should feel ashamed of themselves for wanting a c/s. I would have smacked anyone who told me I was doing the wrong thing by going for a VBAC. How dare they tell you what you should choose! Ignore the woman in question and do what will make you feel the most comfortable.

[KitFaerie]

Nope. I didn't know I was supposed to? I never expected to have any problems bonding, breastfeeding or being a kick ass mummy. DS is absolutely perfect and the way he was born was and is completely irrelevant to my feelings about him and about being a mother.