Caesar mums- do you feel you missed out?

[Nai]

I had 2x c/s and do feel like I missed out a bit - but without both my girls wouldn't be here and the feeling of disappointment gets less as time goes on. Also if I had to make a choice between a natural birth and a trouble-free pregnancy and breastfeeding relationship I would opt for the c/s. I try to focus on the bits that were positive ie. I had 2 great pregnancies with no issues at all and I BF both DD's for over 14 months so looking back I do feel happy and blessed that I was able to do the thing that was ultimately the most important thing to me.

You need to do what you feel will be the best thing for you and your baby. If that is another c/s then that is your decision. Your friend is projecting her own desires on to you and that isn't fair.

[Phteven]

I don't feel like I missed out and the older my children get the less important the way that I birthed them seems.

[~Minny~]

I have had 2 emergency ceasers, one while trying for a vbac and i always feel i have missed out, but these are my own issues and as time goes on it gets easier. I would be like that lady BUT i wouldnt tell you what i think is right for you! If your comfortable with the decisions you have made thats all that matters, dont worry about her opinions....that are just that HER opinions and not what is going to work for you

Be at peace with what you decide

[LizLemon]

Oh maybe for about 5 minutes? and then I got over it. My DS was c-section and this one will be too. There are many things I would have regretted in life had I not done them - the biggest being a parent, but giving birth vaginally is not one of them. Why? Because it is a purely medical thing that we often don't have control over. I didn't have control over how I would give birth to DS, so it is not something I worry about. And he is here safe and THAT is what is important.

I trust my OB completely and therefore have no doubt over having a c-section this time. Sure, it would be easier if I had a vaginal in terms of recovery and dealing with a toddler at the same time but that is the way the cards have fallen and I am fine with that.

I find it offensive that that woman or anyone else would be trying to project her views on you like that. It shows her insecurities, not yours. Make peace with your decisions and know that being a good parent is the key - not achieving a particular birth just because people tell you you should.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I should probably qualify that I answered the post from the POV of a VBer, and I am very anti-unneccessary intervention. I haven't had a c-section and I feel very strongly about people people's opinions disempowering others. That will always get my goat! You only get true peace when you are true to yourself. No-one else counts, except your children, and they are the only ones you ever have to answer to, my love

[Melster]

I really think its a personal decision and its totally up to you what you want to do because its you're birth and you're body and you're experience..i dont think there are any right or wrong decisions.

For me i lost my fluid and was induced 3 weeks early..and she got very distressed and ended up having to have an emergency c-section....

This time i will try for a vaginal because i want to experience what it is like (but will probably regret it LOL) but if i cant, i cant im not too worried..its more about my body being ready..i want to go into labour naturally. My reasoning for wanting to try is because i got post natal after birth and i couldnt/wouldnt hold her when they ask and i didnt bond with her and had trouble bfeeding etc..and have been told that if you're body is ready the milk comes in easier and the let down of hormones is good for you and can help with post natal...

[Smoke Jaguar]

Whatever these women say is about THEM, not about you, even if they say it's about you
I would definitely recommend doing some research, because then you can say that you really do have an informed opinion (deciding on intervention without looking into the alternatives is not informed, it's biased) about your decision, and you can then just respond with "I've done my research, I'm informed of the risks and I will answer to my children only".
No one individual woman is responsible for her birth outcome. Whether its natural or medical, even if you have a freebirth, the birth experience is a product of a society, of a culture and the structures within it. Small 'p' politics is very much part of every birth in this country, whether you know it or not. If you can distance yourself from the blame, shame or regret then you are actually in a much better place than a lot of other women who have been damaged by the same experience, and I am genuinely very happy that you are in this space about your previous birth
You really don't have to answer to these women.

[AJC]

Not way do I regret having a caesar and I certainly don't feel like I've 'missed out' just because I didn't experience contractions/labour/vaginal birth. I don't care if I have another caesar with this bub, I just want another healthy bub. My only negative with my caesar was the pain after birth, however my sister had a natural birth which didn't go so well and was actually in more pain for a longer period of time than I was having a c/s.

[Astrid]

I have had 2 unwanted c-sections and yes I do feel like I have missed out on having a VB. They are my feelings though and if someone, like yourself, opts to have a c-section after previously having one, then that is your choice. I was made to feel bad enough, that I was wanting something silly by fighting for a VBAC 2nd time around. It was horrid, I don't think any other mother should be made to feel that way for making an informed choice

[starangelk]

I had a CS because DD was breech and yep, I felt totally ripped off and devastated - AT THE TIME. But I dealt with it and got over it and am now totally fine. I'm pregnant again and seriously considering electing for a c/s over a VBAC for many reasons. There is a little voice in the back of my head telling me I might regret it though - it's a hard decision. I think having a CS before takes the whole fear out of it it.

[Gigi]

i have had one labour
planned for and began a natural home water birth
ended up in an ambulance after 29 hours of labour
spent 7 hours of medical intervention in a hospital
then emergency c-section with complications
bonding was very difficult
PND
very long recovery period before i could stand up and walk with my back straight, not having to hold onto walls

so i resent my c-section still, after 4.5 years.
i resent the many months of my baby's first year, when all i could do was the bare essentials of caring for her, i was too ill to even stand long enough to make a sandwich.

but i would not put my experience onto another mother. I think how you go thru labour, is your decision.

i cannot use the b word about my daughter. i also say "when she arrived". i cannot bring myself to say "her b*****".

i wish i had educated myself thoroughly, about ALL ways of going thru labour. i ONLY found out about VB, and so when the opposite was happening to me (emerg c-section at 41w and 5days), i had no clue, could not make informed judgements and was at the behest of the strangers (medical staff) that happened to be on duty that day.

i tried going to CARES and it didn't help - the focus was on having a VBAC to heal yourself, for your subsequent babies. Didn't help me when my first baby was going to be my last baby.

[berrme]

I don't feel like I missed out and the older my children get the less important the way that I birthed them seems.

I have had a c/s and a VB and I don't think it mattered even a month afterwards how each had been born. I preferred the VB, but I don't compare my children by how they were born, I don't love my second son more because he came out of my vagina. Children at school don't compare eachother by how their mother birthed them. It is only women who judge themselves and unfortunately sometimes other women on their births.

Personally I knew I couldn't ask for surgery with my second birth unless it was medically necessary, but that was ME. I wasn't traumatised, I recovered quickly, I bonded and BF fine...I just wanted to do it without surgery. When preparing for my VBAC I met a number of women who were very damaged by their c/s and to go for another would have been unthinkable for them. They needed something different from their next birth to heal. But I would never tell someone they should feel ashamed of themselves for wanting a c/s. I would have smacked anyone who told me I was doing the wrong thing by going for a VBAC. How dare they tell you what you should choose! Ignore the woman in question and do what will make you feel the most comfortable.

[KitFaerie]

Nope. I didn't know I was supposed to? I never expected to have any problems bonding, breastfeeding or being a kick ass mummy. DS is absolutely perfect and the way he was born was and is completely irrelevant to my feelings about him and about being a mother.