Oh you poor thing, you have really had a crap pregnancy. Seriously you have 4 kids and have had a terrible pregnancy, I think you deserve a medal and can have any type of delivery you want, I am certainly not going preach to you about pros and cons or get in your way!

One thing I will mention though is that when you do have a crappy pregnancy (I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum during my pregnancy and was quite sick the whole time, so reasonably crappy) it can actually mess with your head a bit and make you more afraid of stuff like labour, delivery and looking after the baby afterwards. I didn't realise this at the time, but have done some reading recently and found it isn't that uncommon, I guess a kind of physiological side effect of a really hard pregnancy.

So my point is that what you are feeling at the moment *might* be a bit because of the path you are travelling, and probably being totally overtired which makes EVERYTHING going on in your head 10x worse. It might not be how you really feel, your thought patterns *could* be a bit of a victim of your circumstances. Or it might not, either way, it is all OK and you are doing a great job!

Good luck!