First time birth-please help

[alioops]

I did it the opposite way around. Numbers 1 and 2 were both Birth Centre Water Births. My midwives were wonderful, and knew my name. I have seen them since and they have said my name when I said hello in the shops.

My health with #3 in the last trimester precluded me from the birth centre. I had been booked in but had to be transferred to the L&D system. My BC MW is one of my FB friends, and I saw her partner (they work in teams) and even she remembered my name when we had only spoken on the phone, because I told her that I wished DD3 could have been born there.

The L&D MW though didn't have a clue who I was and tried to tell me that I wasn't ready to push. 5 minutes later my baby was born, with a smaller head than average so I did not need to be 10cm to be fully dilated anyway, the diameter of her head was 9cm.

Definitely go for the more physiological to begin with. If you need to you can be transferred to L&D but it doesn't work the other way around. All the best for your family!!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

NOOOOOOOOOOOO MEL!! You CAN give birth in water in any hospital in WA! The legislation changed last year. Don't let them try to tell you otherwise!! And even if they didn't "allow" it, they can't really stop you anyway. They're not allowed to try to pull you out because that's assault. I would definately have a home waterbirth again and would have the first time had I had the opportunity. Unfortunately I didn't know about the Community Midwifery Program, I thought I had to have a private midwife to have a homebirth and I couldn't afford that.
It's up to you what you decide to do of course but I really wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. Labour and birth is the biggest physical feat you may ever experience, and while other people are entitled to their opinions it affects you fifty thousand times more than it does anyone else including DP. My partner was against my having a homebirth as well, and I point blank told him I didn't give a rats. My first birth was so horrible (even though both me and bubs were physically fine) I couldn't face going to hospital again, it just wasn't an option. Now that he's actually witnessed both, he's as pro-homebirth as I am and gets really annoyed when uneducated people act as if there's something wrong with it.

[Cricket]

Here's my two cents....

A first time birth can be a little more difficult to get through IMO, than second or third, etc. That DOESN'T have to mean traumatic! It's all new, and your body hasn't stretched that way before, but with good support and education, you'll be just fine. You were made to give birth, and your body can do it. It might take a little more work the first time, but, as I said, that doesn't have to mean trauma!

When it comes to labour and birth, I'd definitely recommend a doula. She'll be there to support you and advocate for you when you are too focussed on contractions to put up a fuss. She'll help make sure that your wishes are met, as long as that's possible. She'll help you cope with the contractions and keep you focussed. She can also show your husband how to help you.

And, for practical advice in labour - stay up and stay active, and use water for pain relief in whatever way you can.

All the best!

[Cricket]

Oops! Double post....

[phynna]

I don't know if it's FIRST births in itself, but FEAR of the unknown that gets people in situations where they give into their ob/middy/hossy because they don't know any better and have not thought to learn during their pregnancy!

Do your research & read birth & labour stories. Find what appeals most to you, your comfort zone. Ring midwives, hospitals, etc, see what they offer, and what pricing plans are available. Do NOT worry about what your family think, if you want to be at home, do it. YOU are having this baby, YOU are having this pain, YOU need to be in your comfort zone, NOT THEM! Hubby on the other hand, you will want him on side, so research. Ask him to go to an interview with a middy or a tour of the birthing centre, etc, with an open mind.

Read labour stories, and google episiotomies, vitamin k, everything and anything at all, and read the pro's and the con's.

A lot of ladies seem to go into pregnancy and birth seeming to have the total trust in the medical system (on the surface, why wouldn't you? one would like to think they work in our health's interest, but unfortunately it doesn't always seem the case). This total trust allows the patient to follow every instruction or precaution the doc/ob/nurse says, without questioning WHY SHOULD I, or what happens IF I DO NOT, or asking I DONT UNDERSTAND. End result can often be learning in hindsight that perhaps some interventions weren't necessary, or that really they weren't given a choice, or had a lack-of-information. One friend of mine was telling me about her labour on her back on the bed, docs had put her there, I got out the Sit Up & Take Notice book on birthing positions, and showed her how she'd been cheated of an extra 2cm room for baby to pass through when the tailbone lifts up, she was shocked! She was also all over checking out our placenta which we kept, as she'd not been given a chance to even look at hers!

End of the day, knowledge is power. Do your research, and you'll get the birth you want. And if interventions come into it, you'll be educated enough to make the choices necessary, and feel comfortable making them too!

[Mummato2]

My first was a hospital birth complete with induction, morphine, gas, epidural, tearing - you get the idea.

I was petrified of a repeat experience when I got pregnant with my daughter and made an effort to do everything I could to avoid this happening.

Well I did this - I waited until I went into natural labour, used a Birth Centre rather than a hospital and I LOVED LOVED LOVED every bit of my labour and birth.

I have learnt that trust in your body to do what it knows to do is essential as well as having the right people around you to help you achieve your birth.

I would suggest reading everything you can get your hands on, having a FLEXIBLE birth plan and start meditating/visualising your "perfect" birth.

Good luck!

[MantaRay]

Mel, I'm going to move this to Birth and Labour for you.

[MantaRay]

Mel, I really want to congratulate on reading up about this already and being prepared. My biggest regret is not knowing more about labour and birth before DS1 was born.

I am one of "those people" too, who did everything wrong the first time. I allowed them to lie me on my back for an internal, and when the contractions were more painful that way, they bullied me into an epdiural. From there things went downhill and I was lucky to escape with a vaginal birth using forceps and an episotomy that gave me grief for a long time afterwards. Second time I was informed and prepared, and although it was still a hossy birth, it was much better - no epidural and the best feeling in the world afterwards - and no painful stitches!!

If you are comfortable with a birth centre for your first, good on you. I think that's an awesome way to do it and you should go for it. Read up everything you can, starting with New Active Birth, and go in there informed and empowered. And believe me, you'll feel even more empowered after a positive birthing experience.

[Neoma]

Well my first birth was a home birth by accident. I think of it as a mish mash of positive and traumatic experience. My waters broke on the bed at 5.30am. I toddled off to the bath room and that is where I stayed for the hour and a half that DD took.Obviously a totally natural labour. My xp (abusive partner) did not call an ambulance until she was born. I got to birth DD the way I felt needed. I stood the entire time and got to push when I felt the urge to push. So in that way I feel it was positive however like the other women have said support is critical. Xp didn't help until after she was born. I was ALONE the entire labour and petrified. To be completly honest I didn't even click I was in labour. I didn't have contractions every few minutes it just felt like one major one. I was in so much shock it was very traumatizing. If I had a do over I would of loved to had a family birthing suite and still got to be mobile .

[phynna]

kylie - sorry to blurt out.... but he sounds like an ABSOLUTE *****!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad he's an ex, not calling ambulance & leaving you alone at a moment like that, shame on him!

[Peg]

Now my concern/question is to any out there that can please try help me is, why would i, after hearing all there nasty first experience stories, put myself through the normal option, (ob, lying on back hoping for the best) just to see how i go and put my body under the faith of the hospital system, who sound as though they can intervien uneccesarily, when i can take the advice of alot of women on these forums and use a family birthing centre, or waterbirth or some alterantive techniques from day one to avoid such a traumatic experience that alot of women tend to experience first time round.

I'd just like to say that being in a birthing centre is no guarantee that you will have a wonderful birth experience first time round.

For my first child, I chose this option. I went into the birthing centre as opposed to the labor ward. I had no intervention for 26 hours. I had a grand plan to have a water birth so i spent a lot of time in the water, i had no pain relief, i did all the things suggested to help labor along...i was up walking around, i didnt spend any time on my back, i was in the shower, i had the lights dimmed, I had the music playing, i had the aromatherapy going....you name it, i had it.

and Yet, i ended up with an emergency c-section

so dont believe that the birthing centre is going to make your first birth wonderful....it could do, but then again it may not.

[Peg]

ie: first birth = traumatic birth!

This is spot on.

no mum to be has any idea what labor is like and just how traumatic and painful it is.

I remember my friend telling me..."its kind of like really bad period pain"

Yeah Right!. Don't think labor is going to be a walk in the park is all i can say. Its not. Its excrutiating!!! and IMO this is why many women seek intervention...they want it over and done with quickly.

[koru]

Hi Mel,
I haven't read everyone's replies but this caught my eye cos you sound sooooo much like me when I first embarked on this journey!
All I can say is I totally agree with those people who replied that EDUCATING yourself, TRUSTING yourself/your instincts and having the best SUPPORT is key to a great first birth experience. The physical location is not so important (though granted, some come with more risk of intervention than others).
I have a fully supportive DP and together we hired an excellent doula, read every piece of info we could get our hands on, discussed all our options at length with her and experienced friends. For myself I did HEAPS of mental and emotional preparation and by the time week 40 rocked round I TOTALLY believed in my ability to birth my baby without intervention - but with this important caveat - that we were at a point where we felt that if any interventions were to occur they would be warranted because we wouldn't just "lie back and wait and see" what would happen. (eg if our baby had been posterior and made for a longer harder labour etc things may have gone differently)
As it was, we had a fabulous first birth experience (in a Birth Centre - though I reckon it would have been so at home or even in a labour ward).
You sound like you're on the right path and asking all the right questions hun

[SammyRo]

no mum to be has any idea what labor is like and just how traumatic and painful it is.

I remember my friend telling me..."its kind of like really bad period pain"

Yeah Right!. Don't think labor is going to be a walk in the park is all i can say. Its not. Its excrutiating!!! and IMO this is why many women seek intervention...they want it over and done with quickly.

You're right about not knowing what labour is like, but I don't think just because the pain is unexpectedly excrutiating means that intervention is the best option. So again, education is the key - especially coz epidurals can slow labour down - so if you want intervention to speed things up, you might be disapointed.

For what its worth, DD was posterior for the whole labour, she didnt turn at any point- which I may have mentioned earlier - anyway, apparently this makes for a more than normal painful birth - I was in excruciating pain but didn't know that it wasn;t the normal 'healthy pain' - it was my first time, I'd never done it before and they didn't tell me till afterwards. And if it hadn't been for my amazing DH and mw, I would not have got through it and still delivered naturally with no intervention and no pain meds.

So, I think both educating yourself and having fantastic support people around you will help your first birth be empowering, rather than traumatic. (I know I get weird looks when I say that my 24hour, with a 2.5hour pushing stage was empowering! but it could have been so much different!)

[Arcadia]

Hi Mel, I had a planned home birth for my first, and it was wonderful.

Education is paramount. I spent countless hours reading birth stories and watching birth videos on YouTube (search for unassisted birth in particular so you can see how amazing a womans body can be)

I had no intervention and no tearing. Labour was 22 hours. It can be done.

I recommend hiring an independent midwife rather than an obstetrician (even if you want to birth in a hospital). Nothing beats the care of someone who comes to your home for visits and can provide after care in your own home as well.

GL. Labour is a journey unique to everyone. There is no right and wrong way.

[Peg]

You're right about not knowing what labour is like, but I don't think just because the pain is unexpectedly excrutiating means that intervention is the best option. ....

So, I think both educating yourself and having fantastic support people around you will help your first birth be empowering, rather than traumatic. (I know I get weird looks when I say that my 24hour, with a 2.5hour pushing stage was empowering! but it could have been so much different!)

lets be realistic

all the education in the world is not going to help some women.

Great if a womans body goes thru labor the way it should, but this isnt the case for everyone...for some women, intervention is the only option.

Its simply a matter of being prepared for what 'may' go wrong rather then expecting everything to go the way the labor lessons tell us they are going to go.

[SammyRo]

very true - sometimes there is nothing you can do to avoid intervention, but being educated will still help you make informed decisions when it comes to that intervention, and having the right support people will also help in making those decisions.