"I l..o..v..e this shower." "Why the H*%% didn't anyone tell me how good hot water is before this?" "Hey do you rekon they have water restrictions?" "Get out of the shower you have got to be kidding" "No if you want to see how dilated my hooha is you can come in here!" "I don't care if I have my baby in the toliet, I'm not moving"
*Bribed with promises of gas and jelly beans* Get half way tpo the door
"Oh bugger this I want my water back"
*more bribery and DH leading me (quite forcefully) to the bed. Get on the bed
"F off I want my shower" - gas kicks in.
"Oh gas is good, I like the gas"
Trasition
midwife tells DH to tak the gas away inbetween contractions, we have a tug o war wife 1 husband 0
Midwife says we are nearly fully dilated "are you lying just to make me feel better?"
After birth
beautiful little girl on my chest while OB is checking everything and doing 1 or 2 stiches for grazes. I stare deep into my little girls eyes and say ever so sweetly "It's ok sweety, you're OK" as she cries "Don't worry at least someones not stiching up your twot"
I didn't say much at all in my labour i was quiet thru the pain so the midwives were happy when i said i wanted to go home cause they knew i was in transition! When they were telling me to push i told them no and wanted to tell them where to go but didnt have time cause by the time they got me to lay down (i had been standing) my DS popped out in one push while i was still half sitting up! No one caught him (he landed on the bed) and my first thought was wow i can lay down! OMG that's a baby! LOL dont know what i was expecting! Then he peed on me as they handed him over.
When I was pregnant with my first baby and in labor I kept telling my beautiful midwife "I need to go to the toilet" and she kept reassuring me that it was just the babies head descending, I was being so polite, in the end I yelled at her 'You don't understand I need to *****!!!!", she smiled sweetly and told me again it was just the head, and gee it turns out she was right.
When DS was born and placed on my chest I just kept repeating "Oh my god, Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god look at it"
The other one I forgot was when I was pushing, after 17 hours of labor my mum is all excited telling me she can see the head "it's got dark hair" and I replied to her "Am I supposed to really F$#@ing care? Who f$%@ing cares?" One of the things I loved about him was his little swirls of dark hair.
During my sisters labour she fell asleep as she had an epi and the midwife woke her up saying it's time to push now hun. My sister just turned around and said "f!@# off i need some more sleep i am still tired" hahahaha.
This might not have anything to do with labour but about a week after my neices birth my sister was showing her friend pics of my neice being born.After staring at the pics for like 10 mins she turn to my sis and said pointing to the first pic ( where you can just see my neices head coming out ) and said "ok i ahev been thinking about thsi for while but whats that and how come i don't have one of them/" Needles to say she is a bit blonde hahahahahaha
I asked the midwife to "please knock me out as it would be so much easier" when i was 7cms dilated and getting an epidural... she just smiled and said no so i said i want a c section and she told me whie trying not to laugh that i should have thought of that a few weeks ago!
i also felt left out when everyone was checking out Isaac's head as he was coming out so i whined that i wanted to see it so excitedly asked if i could touch it which surprised the ob a bit!
I told DH I loved him, which by all accounts is a funny thing to say in labour as most would be yelling abuse at him.
Didn't say anything else funny. Did have the midwife ask if a paramedic could watch the birth for their training and whilst I just said yes. I was thinking bring the whole hospital in I don't care I just want to have this baby.
Haha all this stuff is pure gold! WIsh I had this to read before giving birth.
At bout 3 hours into it, DH left for home to 'organise some music' for me to labour to. Home was only a 15 min drive away. I didn't particularly care abt what music was in the background but he seemed to think it was important.
He didn't come back for 2 hours!! My contractions were still quite mild and I then decided I really really wanted an Opotos Chili Chicken burger, so sms-ed DH to pick some up on his way back. I have since looked at the message and it was something like this: "Hi hun, do u think u can pick up Oportos on ur way back pls not urgent but wld be nice thanks luv"
10 mins later when contractions started getting serious, i sent another, much shorter message: "noburgernot hungry"
And then i was boring until 8 hours later when my waters broke just before i delivered DD. I had been asking repeatedly when they wld break. WHen it finally happened I recall saying this:
"There's something wet and squishy! WET AND SQUISHY!!!" and midwife says I tried to shove it all back in!
How funny is this thread, i've had a good laugh. I love the eat the apple one haha can just imagine. While using the gas, I exclaimed 'Wow I'm on Mars!' Do not know where that came from, but apparently everyone had a good laugh. Also I remember grabbing onto a midwife and screaming 'Help meeeeeee i think i'm dying'. I think a lot of us have done the whole knock me out and do a c section!!
With my 3rd, who was posterior and big, the doc said "one more push". One push later and not out, so he said to push again. I told him "you promised just one more push" I cried and then said " You broke your promise so you it get out yourself!" Obviously I pushed again! With bub 5 i was bearing down while standing up and told the midwife to catch him. My waters broke all over the poor woman and i burst into fits of laughter while my son did come out.
This thread is awesome!
I remember asking if my dog was ok (because of course DH would have left me in labour to go all the 3way home to check on our dog who would have been tucked up in bed anyway!). Then thought I better follow it up by asking if the baby was ok too!
When DS was born we didn't know the gender, and i would have loved it to be a girl, but my first thought on seeing him (i couldn't speak) was "thank god it's a boy- he'll never have to go thru THAT again".
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