hospital visitors

[Fleur]

It's really hard to say for sure until bub gets here. Every situation is different & it depends on all sorts of things - what sort of labour / birth you have, is feeding easy or do you have complications etc.

With my first I had loads of visitors & wanted them all, until about day 4 when the baby blues set in & I just wanted my space.
With the boys I was only in for two days, & with AR I was in 5 days - she was in SCN - & I didn't want any visitors at hossie or home for weeks.

I would just warn people that you may or may not feel like loads of visitors & ask if you can let them know when the time comes

[murraysmum]

i had no 3 visitors the day i had him and there were his godfather and his family then my mum and brothers on day 2 i went home on day 3 i liked not beeing crowded out this bub i want dp and me and birth will be announced via sms family can visit day 2 friends day 3 and home visitors after a week i think that seems fair as my first son has special needs and i want to shower him with all my spare attention and energy while i can

[Laranna]

Perhaps just go with how you're feeling after the birth. When you ring/sms people to tell them be sure to say if and when you're up for visitors or you let them know when is a good time.

DS was born at 4:42 in the morning. We rang our parents and immediate family around 8am and told them visiting hours were after 4pm. They weren't really, we just said that so we could have the day to ourselves quietly. Then after our immediate family visited we sms'd everyone else. I found that most people asked when a good time was to come visit so I was able to reply on a case by case basis

[LimeSlice]

I only had a couple of visitors to the hospital..But my MIL was over form NZ staying with us and long story short, she was there EVERY DAY ALL DAY - drove me bonkers. By the time I go tot day3 I was beside myself, in tears to hubby and with no patience to speak of, barely speaking to her or acknowledging her presence. It was horrible.

I really would let people know that you dont want visitors to begin with and you will let people know when you are ready. That way there is no confusion and you can invite people to the hospital that you truly want there

GL with the birth!!

[briggsy's girl]

wait and see how you feel when the baby arrives. to be honest, having visitors at the hospital helped my sanity levels! i hate being out of my home environment so it was nice to have friendly faces - BUT - apart from my dad, all my visitors were women with children, they'd all BF, i'd known them all forever - and i had no drama feeding my DD with them there. they were really understanding - i basically said "i'm gonna be boob out - there's the door if you don't like it" - i'm not someone that thought i would be comfy feeding in front of people, so that was a huge thoing for me!

[AliBaby]

For me I preferred the visitors at hospital than at home. That way when I got home, I could jsut get used to being a mum, didnt have to worry about a clean house or being in my pj's and also the other benefit of having them at hospital was that you can say to them, We are going to have to cut this short as we have a bf, physio class, etc to go to.

[sloane]

i knew i didn't really want visitors at the hospital other than close family(for similar reasons to you with bfing etc)...i had DS at 6pm & we didn't send out the sms to friends till lunchtime next day. my parents came during the afternoon of day two & DP's mum, bro & SIL came that evening. then i asked to be discharged on the morning of day 3 so there was no time for anymore visitors!

i did find it tough at home having visitors - i think in hindsight it may have been easier in hospital because they would have had to leave at a set time but we didn't really encourage any visitors other than family at home for the first week and at some point i asked that everyone stay away for a couple of days just to let us settle in.

my advice would be the same as most others - just let people know that you'll tell them if you're up for visitors when the time comes & see how you feel

[Astrid]

I felt very torn about visitors. It made me feel good that people cared enough to visit, but once they arrived I wanted them gone. I did have emergency c-sections both times though, so was pretty knocked about.

[Doodlebug]

I had ds by c-section at 8am, we also told family that visiting hours didn't start until mid afternoon so we could have the day together as a new family. The first afternoon/evening it was immediate family only.

Day 2 was crazy busy with visitors, the midwives picked up on the fact I wasn't handling it and offered me a sign for the door letting people know that visits were to be kept to 10mins by request of the ob!!! Worked a treat! If it was someone I was very happy to hang out with for ages we just told them to ignore the sign on the door! Kept the pesky Great Aunts from staying all bloody afternoon! The midwives actually had the signs made up and laminated so they obviously experience this problem a lot! I wouldn't stress too much about it, be guided day by day how you're feeling and go the sign on the door if/when you've had enough!!!

[skeetaboat]

Good idea to prepare now. Some ppl love visitors, but I'm like you; I prefer some space and privacy in those first few weeks.

I agree with others, let ppl know ahead of time what you want in regards to visitors. You can always invite people to the hosp if you change your mind. I did find I wanted the space when my milk was coming in, and also in the first day. Days 2 & 3 were good for visitors. I pretty much just had family & my best friend, I didn't want any more than that.

It's a good idea to plan for visitors once you get home too, especially if your partner only has a short time off. You might not want to spend his whole paternity leave entertaining guests and have no time left for him to bond with bubs. I found that we hardly had one or two visitor free days for the first 4 weeks, and in hindsight I wish I'd done something to stop that because I'll never get that time back and now that DH is back to work I'm all on my own.

I've heard of ppl having a 'meet the baby' afternoon tea. It kinda gets everyone over and done with and then you can have your house and your space back to bond with bubs, sit around in your pjs, and have your boobs out. Also heard of ppl sticking a sign on the door: 'mum & bub resting, please leave a message' or 'mum & bub recovering, short and sweet visits are appreciated'.

Goodluck with it all. Don't be afraid to mark out whatever space you need. Those who matter wont mind, and those who mind, don't matter

[No.5]

The good thing with the staff in the maternity ward is if you tell them you don't want any visitors, they won't let anyone in to visit you (so you don't have to be the bad guy).

I personally would've preferred to have no visitors the day DS was born (he was born just after 3pm) but my mum and sister walked straight into the birth suites not even an hour after I'd had him! I still feel like me and DF missed out on that 'special time' with DS just after he was born because of it and I'm adament that next time there will be no visitors at all until I say I'm ready.

Like the other girls have said, its hard to tell how you're going to feel until it happens and will probably depend on the time of day and length of labour too as to when you're ready for visitors.

GL in making the right decision for you

[mzcatieboo]

I was too the same and didnt want anyone there but once i had DS, i was desperate for vistors so pretty much most my friends came in & family.which was good as DH worked most of the time i was in hospital then when i got out he took 2 weeks off.

Good luck in making the right decision. if anyone asks just tell them that if you are wanting visitors you'll let them know.

[~Raven~]

I felt very torn about visitors. It made me feel good that people cared enough to visit, but once they arrived I wanted them gone.

Me too! I think visits should be timed 10 to mins per person. Buzzer goes off and they are forcibly removed


Hospital visiting hours are pretty limited so unless you get the type that don't leave, the chance of someone being there when you need to feed bub is pretty rare (well it was in my experience). And if they are don't be too afraid to ask them to leave if that is what makes you feel more comfortable.

Good luck

[NaeNae]

Jen - I am in two minds as well hun.

When we have bubs DH and I have discussed having the first 24hrs all to ourselves and he will have no problems letting people know that. My hossy has two sets of visiting hours 2-4 then 6-8 (I think) and we will be requesting that people organise a time with DH to visit us during those hours because I will probably feel aggitated and tired by those who hang around. I am normally a bit of a "needs my own space" kind of person anyway so most people I know, know that about me.

When we're at home (we do this now anyway) we will be locking the doors and drawing the blinds if people come over unannounced we will not answer the door or DH will (he will be on holidays) and tell them to come back at a better time.

GL hun - I am sure once you get there you will find your own way of dealing with things. I think the hardest thing will be disappointing people and telling them no or to leave but I will be thinking of it like parenting practice

Nae x

[Twin Sister]

You might change your mind once you're actually in the hospital. I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days and I got a bit bored and lonely and was very grateful for visitors. I didn't know a lot of people here at the time though so I didn't really get that many. I found it a nice distraction though and helped me not feel so overwhelmed.

I did have other limits though. I didn't want anyone to know when I went into labour as I didn't want anyone calling to check up on me and to ask me if the baby had come yet (which my dad did daily anyways, like I would have it and not tell him or something). I just wanted to call everyone once the baby had arrived.

When I finally went home from the hospital I wanted DH and I to be alone with DS that first day/night and then I was up for visitors the next day, but only those that lived in town. I told out-of town family that we didn't want guest for 3 weeks as I wanted it to be just the three if us until I had more-or-less got the hang of things. Guests I could not escape would have driven me mad.

It's ok to not want visitors in the hospital or at home for a bit, and it's ok to change your mind later too.