hospital visitors

[mzcatieboo]

I was too the same and didnt want anyone there but once i had DS, i was desperate for vistors so pretty much most my friends came in & family.which was good as DH worked most of the time i was in hospital then when i got out he took 2 weeks off.

Good luck in making the right decision. if anyone asks just tell them that if you are wanting visitors you'll let them know.

[~Raven~]

I felt very torn about visitors. It made me feel good that people cared enough to visit, but once they arrived I wanted them gone.

Me too! I think visits should be timed 10 to mins per person. Buzzer goes off and they are forcibly removed


Hospital visiting hours are pretty limited so unless you get the type that don't leave, the chance of someone being there when you need to feed bub is pretty rare (well it was in my experience). And if they are don't be too afraid to ask them to leave if that is what makes you feel more comfortable.

Good luck

[NaeNae]

Jen - I am in two minds as well hun.

When we have bubs DH and I have discussed having the first 24hrs all to ourselves and he will have no problems letting people know that. My hossy has two sets of visiting hours 2-4 then 6-8 (I think) and we will be requesting that people organise a time with DH to visit us during those hours because I will probably feel aggitated and tired by those who hang around. I am normally a bit of a "needs my own space" kind of person anyway so most people I know, know that about me.

When we're at home (we do this now anyway) we will be locking the doors and drawing the blinds if people come over unannounced we will not answer the door or DH will (he will be on holidays) and tell them to come back at a better time.

GL hun - I am sure once you get there you will find your own way of dealing with things. I think the hardest thing will be disappointing people and telling them no or to leave but I will be thinking of it like parenting practice

Nae x

[Twin Sister]

You might change your mind once you're actually in the hospital. I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days and I got a bit bored and lonely and was very grateful for visitors. I didn't know a lot of people here at the time though so I didn't really get that many. I found it a nice distraction though and helped me not feel so overwhelmed.

I did have other limits though. I didn't want anyone to know when I went into labour as I didn't want anyone calling to check up on me and to ask me if the baby had come yet (which my dad did daily anyways, like I would have it and not tell him or something). I just wanted to call everyone once the baby had arrived.

When I finally went home from the hospital I wanted DH and I to be alone with DS that first day/night and then I was up for visitors the next day, but only those that lived in town. I told out-of town family that we didn't want guest for 3 weeks as I wanted it to be just the three if us until I had more-or-less got the hang of things. Guests I could not escape would have driven me mad.

It's ok to not want visitors in the hospital or at home for a bit, and it's ok to change your mind later too.

[me83]

It is very wise to think about visitors before the baby comes. I only planned to be in the hospital for a very short stay as I don't enjoy being in hospital so i told people to visit me at home (apart from my family and DH family who came briefly the same day that DS was born). I found that I wanted to see visitors, but needed to space them out so that I didn't get too overwhelmed due to sleep deprivation and the baby blues.

If you put in the SMS that people should call your partner before visiting, it means that you can limit the visitors and he can tell them to make it quick if you aren't feeling up to a longer visit. Also, when people ask if there is anything they can do to help just ask them to bring a meal. I didn't feel cooking for about a month and DS was really unsettled during dinner time for the 1st 6 weeks. People brought us meals and it was the biggest lifesaver cos we barely had the energy to heat them in the microwave. 10 weeks later it is much easier tho, but you really need to be kind to yourself in the first few weeks.

Good luck!

[Smoke Jaguar]

I just wanted my parents (one out of two wasn't bad in the end!) and DP's mum (his dad passed away 6 months prior) to visit when DS was born, but got a bit more and DP totally let me down on the baby holding front - something we had discussed beforehand, too! People were good when we got home and called to see when a good time was to come. In the end, visitors came towards the end of that first week, after the baby blues had come and gone.
With DD we had to revisit the discussion again and DP still didn't want to be my advocate (pretty much bailing to leave me advocate for myself if the midwife wasn't here...and she only came to visit for about an hour for the first 3 days when no-one else was here!) cos he didn't want to be 'the bad guy' (instead of thinking of it as being my 'good guy'!!) to his family (wasn't going to be an issue with my parents this time as they live in the country now).
I didn't change my mind once I'd given birth either time - I just got railroaded when I was at my most vulnerable the first time round, and this time round keep DD close to my chest...in a sling! And it was up to me to have to say no to a couple of requests to hold her
I'm glad for it - it's been 9 days and we've got a really good communication going on - which was a bit interrupted with DS and he was more unsettled in the first couple of weeks when visitors and 'baby holding' were most frequent. DP reckons it's 'just' personality difference, and I say that can't be it and that it has to be a combination of birth, no baby passing and a bit of personality. But definitely no baby passing has to be credited with how safe and secure she feels!
It's YOUR time, YOUR newborn and you only get it once (as my wonderful friend, Bathsheba keeps telling me!!). You won't regret keeping your baby to yourself, and you're more likely to regret folding and letting people into your space too early.
Don't tell yourself that you're 'only' a first time mum - your instincts are gold, trust them, go with them and defend them. I'm defending mine as a SECOND time mum!

[HollyC]

I really enjoyed having visitors at the hospital. I found it so much easier. There were lovely ladies who came in and cleaned every morning, all my meals were provided, a bin to put dirty baby linen in and all the usual stuff. So all I needed to do was shower and get dressed and feed my baby. I was a bit overwhelmed when I got home and found visitors more difficult.

I also found that people didn't tend to stay long and didn't arrive until afternoon. There were only a couple of extra chairs in my room. Maybe that would be a good way to keep visits short? Get rid of extra chairs!

On the day that the blues kicked in I only had one visitor. Everyone had gone away as it was the sunday of a long weekend. I think the lack of visitors got me down even more.

As a few people have said, include in the announcement SMS or phone call that everyone is to call before visiting.

[Daytona's Mummy]

I would have to agree with everyone else in saying to see how you feel when the time comes. I wouldn't say I was bored with being in there with ds, (had to stay 4 days ) but I was feeling really closed in and trapped by not being at home in my own space. I pretty much told everyone I wasn't feeling well enough for visitors (more like ones I didn't want to put up with while feeling trapped already) and only asked a few close friends up for visits to keep my sanity as DS's father left straight after the birth before DS was even cleaned up and didn't come back for 2 days when he sobered up!

Then once I got home, 2 weeks later, I had a Sat afternoon BBQ kind of thing and had all the visitors in 1 go. They stayed for about 3-4 hours but DS went down in his bed only about an hour after they arrived and anyone that wanted to see him after that had to just quietly look but not touch IYKWIM? expartner was VERY firm on no-one holding him but for him it was just another power trip to boost his ego.
This time, I'm hoping to only stay for the min time then go home and I'm not worried about visitors, Everyone knows to call first so if we don't want any, will just tell them it's not a good time and when it would be better. Will do the BBQ thing again though and lots of cuddles over and done with in 1 go, on 1 day! Cause this time I have a VERY proud DH eager to show her off !