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Thread: Support people and waiting outside the birth suite... is this normal?

  1. #19

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    Yeah - great stuff everyone! I totally agree on NOT telling everyone until bubs is born, in fact the closer it come to your due date, start preparing. Put your answering machine on more often, and answer your mobiles less NOW (does that make any sense?). It sounds like these silly buggers would prolly come up to the hospital if you didn't answer you phone around your due date.



    I remember a friends hubby calling us to let us know their bubs was born, I specifically asked if was ok to come and visit. I was horrified to get there and realise she only JUST had her little one, there was a room full of people and mum hadn't even had a shower yet.

  2. #20

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    I wouldn't even tell them until you get home... just to spite them. LOL
    You can do whatever you set ur mind and heart to! Don't listen to anyone else.
    And I agree with what everyone else has said. Don't tell anyone until after bubs arrives. This is such a speical time for you and your partner, the birth of your first child. Don't let anyone else ruin it. They will get over it
    Good luck, and best wishes

  3. #21

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    When I was in labour with DS2, BIL received a text message from MIL and pretty much just thought it was his right to wait outside the doors (or come inside! OMG! As if I'd want HIM in the room!!!). While I was there texting away to a BB friend (), there was this woman down the hall hollering "get this effing thing out of me!" and I was mortified he thought it was me!
    Anyway, my Middy caught him at the desk when he asked where I was, and took him to the waiting room without telling which suite we were in (thank God!) and we left him there til around 5am when MIL came. (I had DS2 at 2:27am).

    Set your own rules, seriously. It's YOUR labour, not theirs.
    If all else fails, don't tell them when you're in labour - easiest way to avoid people

    Good luck!

  4. #22

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    Hello!!!!

    Just putting a bit of a different spin on things in an aim to keep the peace - you really might need some help the weeks after bubs arrives to have some sleep, have some food cooked for you etc ....

    I would just go and have bubs, not let the fan club know when you are going in and in labour. After bubs is born, see how you feel - you might feel so damn excited and proud and wanna ring your mum straight away - or even if it is a couple of hours - see how YOU feel, and ask them to come in and see your beautiful bundle during next visiting hours. On ward the midwives can be very strict about the hours!!!! I think that way you and Shel are opening your arms to them and welcoming to meet baby, not crossing them and blocking them out. They might be cross about not being told about labour, but will get over it once they have a few cuddles :0

    I kinda envy you as we are away from all of our family, and my hubby travels regularly so I am using a doula this time around cos my bestie here is due end of June herself and has volunteered to look after my two kids when we have to go in

    Good luck and let us know what happens in the end.

  5. #23

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    Oh grr.... since when was this all about everyone else??

    You are not being unreasonable. Don't let them know you are in labour- you need the space! And why can't people realise that seeing a newborn baby is not about them?? They should have the baby, you and Shel as their primary concern- not their cuddle time.

    Okay- I have personal issues here

  6. #24

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    I'm with the "don't tell" camp. I told hubby if he called anyone while I was in labour I'd kill him. I was so determined to have this baby my way (ie, give it the best possible shot I could at going drug free) and I knew if I had people waiting I'd get stresses out and anxious and I didn't want that. I ended up ok'ing him letting the IL's know I was in labour, but only because a) I get along with them really well and b) I knew they weren't going to turn up until we gave the ok.

    Personally, I wasn't comfortable with anyone but my husband and my midwife being there. The idea of my mum, MIL, best mate, workmate (?!) watching me, gawking at my vagina, etc freaks me out even now. Plus, I would have felt pressured to moderate my behaviour because there was company. I'd consider your partner your support person and ditch everyone else. You don't even have to tell them they are ditched, just don't tell them you are in labour.

  7. #25

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    I wouldn't tell them until after bub is born either. Another reason why i am reluctent to tell people my due date. They always ring to ask if i've had the baby yet.

  8. #26
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    Birthing a baby is an intensely personal experience.

    you need to focus on what you're doing, not have to worry about the politics of all those rubberneckers.

    you are not a sideshow
    the baby is not a doll

    and MOST importantly of all, nothing you said about ANY of those people, indicates that they are capable of
    - listening
    or
    - respecting you

    I would not be letting these people even KNOW you had started labouring (when you do).

    who needs the agro

    listen to the little voice in your head, be guided by that.

    just focus on the birth and birthing the way you want to, without all those BS distractions of unwanted company.

    a few extra TRUSTED people, to take photos (if you want that), to go on errands etc, can come in handy. but they need to be people who LISTEN and RESPECT you and your partner, and understand how low key you want everything.

    you are NOT being unreasonable.

  9. #27

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    I am apparently denying them of their RIGHT to see their newborn grandchild/niece.
    I had exactly the same problem. DP's brother was in a big accident a few months ago and while we all went down to see him at the hospital he got quite annoyed that everyone was there. My DP thought this was an opportune time to bring up the fact that I didnt was visitors while I was in hospital. The convo went a little like this:

    DP: You know Danni is the same she doesn't want any visitors when she gives birth
    Aunt in law: No of course we aren't going to be in there while she is giving birth. We will wait in the waiting room.
    (me slightly freaked out now and getting quite annoyed that this had even been bought up)
    Me: Um no, actually I don't want anyone visiting until we get home, I just want some..... (I get cut off)
    Aunt in Law: We have rights you know, especially FIL, you can't deny him the right to see his grandchild.
    Me: Yeah

    I left it after that - no point in arguing with them - I took it up with DP after we left. In fact I threatened DP that he had crossed the line bringing it up and not standing up for me and I wasn't even going to tell him when I went into labour!!! Apparently now he has come around and decided not to tell them until at least a few hours after the birth but I have enlisted my best friend as a support person (which I think has annoyed him a little) so she can keep him in line too!!!

    We are lucky in that the hospital is moving and no one is going to know whih hospital we will be in - we wont even know until that day so in order for anyone to just show up they have to make possibly two trips.

    I don't at all think you are out of line I think you are being reasonable. People don't seem to realise that yes their niece/nephew, grandchild, random work friends baby (lol - she being the most out of line)WHOEVER is being born but it is US MUMS who have to go through labour and birth and it is hard work and sometimes traumatic or overwhelming and WE created this little baby and i think that WE should have the RIGHT to spend some time alone with him/her.

    People like this make me so angry!!!! I can't think of anything worse then people waiting for the impending birth either.

    I also don't really think it should be up to you to say something to this work collegue. It might be easier on Shell if you do because she has to work with her but I think it would be nice if she just maybe said to her that you didn't know her that well yet and didn't really feel comfortable with calling her granny and maybe offer for her to meet up for dinner more often or something so you can get to know her better. I dunno - I'm talking mish mash.

    Point is - Stand up and be heard - DO NOT GET PUSHED AROUND!!! This isnt about anyone other then you Shell and the bubs - remember that!!

  10. #28

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    I do think SamiH made a good point about not upsetting these people too much as you do want them to be around afterwords to help... I think there has to be a way you can balance the need for privacy with their desires...

    I do like Michaels suggestion of the "waiting party" at your place... with jobs to do... Make them feel useful but out of your hair at the same time.

  11. #29

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    Quote Originally Posted by Antheia View Post
    I wouldn't tell them until after bub is born either. Another reason why i am reluctent to tell people my due date. They always ring to ask if i've had the baby yet.
    OMG those phone calls are sooo annoying - I stopped answering any calls from certain people near the end of my second pregnancy.

  12. #30

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    I have a couple of girl friends that have suggested that they will be there, I have just been laughing it off, at the moment the only people that will be told that we are heading to hospital are my parents and Dh, my Mum will be my extra support person and my dad is watching our other 2. Everyone else will be sent a text after bub has arrived and i have had chance to settle, no body else including my parents will hold bub until his sister and brother have held him. I want them to feel special and a room full of adults pushing them out the way is the last thing i want.

  13. #31

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    I have to say I'm still in disbelief that other family member think they can make this experience about them. They've had/will have their chance.
    There is nothing more overwhelming, precious than becoming a mother/father (or as tan says, brother/sister) and you should be able to enjoy that.

    It is 'special' to become a grandparent.
    It is a 'label' to become an aunt or uncle.
    It is 'exciting' when a colleague has their baby.
    None of these people have any RIGHT.

    It is your decision to make that baby, and because you have it makes them lucky to have it as a part of their lives, therefor privelege!
    But when you have created, carried and birthed that baby.
    You are the only one with that RIGHT.

    Just the way it is your right to name that child.

    Gosh this makes me fume, seriously, where do they get off?

    Off my soapbox now.

  14. #32

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    Still haven't worked any of this out. Am not feeling the best emotionally and then Shel told me last night I have to be the one to tell everyone again. GRRRRRR! Geez,, way to make me feel bad, not only did I have to tell my mum no, now I have to get my inlaws offside (surely they'd take it better from Shel but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO she doesn't want to upset anyone).

    Ahem... just a few dramas. I like the 'don't tell' idea, it makes it easy, I can just make out like they're welcome and then not tell anyone. Unless of course I have to call Shel away from work and then it'll be game on.
    Oh, I forgot to add this last time but remember that bleed scare I had, well SIL was about to come down to the hospital when we were leaving, and Shel's workmate was going to come with her from work (I had to call Shel from work). So I have no doubt if I have to call Shel away that she'll be followed by a chaotic (psychotic) entourage.

    So I'm no closer to finding an answer, except to put a few peoples noses out of joint.

    I guess I could try to hold off going to hospital until afternoon so I don't call Shel from work ... and preferrably a Friday cos Shel has Sat/Sun off so it won't be so suspicious if she doesn't turn up at work the next day. I'm not asking too much am i????

    Or hiring Lulu's bouncer services!!!!!

  15. #33

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    Oh Leasha, I feel for you, and this whole issue really annoys me like crazy too. I agree, dont tell anyone that you are in labour. I know from experience, next time around we wont be telling our families or will at least be asking for 24 hrs to ourselves as suggested before having visitors. We had everyone waiting outside the birthing room too and let me tell you its not nice at all. My MIL took it upon herself to spend two whole days with me and my new baby and didnt even leave in the non visiting hours. It was ridiculous and if I could give any new parents some advice it would be keep the family/visitors away until you have recovered. I would hate what happened to me to happen to you. Its your time, and your partners time, to get to know your new precious bundle. I hope you can sort it all out.

  16. #34

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    Booked you in for August sweetie.

    I had the same thing, a friend was so insistent, she made me promise everytime I saw her that I would call "as soon as you feel anything". Well I didn't and I even got a midwife to call her after it was over and tell her it went so quickly I didn't have to chance to explain it.

    Can Shel leave work on an errand and just not come back?

  17. #35

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    Honestly.. i think youre better off just being honest with them and telling them you dont want anyone else there. You could be in labour for hours (lets hope not!) so them waiting outside, theres no point. Plus youre going to want to rest after you give birth anyways, not see people. Hun i think for your own sake (it is YOU giving birth after all), i would just tell them to please stay away until you call. Last thing you want is a million people sticking their faces in when its not wanted.

  18. #36

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    Leasha, I really hope for your sake that you go into labour outside of work hours, preferably around 2am so that there is no way any of these people can find out.

    Why is Shel's workmate so interested in your baby anyway? It sounds a bit freaky to me. Doesn't she have her own life?

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