WDYT of this, im a bit horrified...

[STARRYSKY]

Heather, no need to hide! Thats exactly how I feel.

I have told her about BB, but TBH I dont think its "her type of thing" IYGWIM?

I suppose im just different in wanting to know absolutely everything, if it was me (and its not) I know I would be fighting to have that baby in me for as long as it was healthy, and to be allowed a natural birth.
I am also very pro BFing and SIL is very ambivalent about, saying she would "give it a go" but shes pretty sure its not her thing, Im hoping she will change her mind once the bub is born, but with I saac being born so early, I worry that its not gonna be a happening thing.
I hope I dont sound like a controlling, interfering Biartch, Im really not that IN her face..(at least I hope not...)

[Calluna]

You dont sound controlling and interferring to me. Just that you care about her and her baby! Nothing wrong with that.

I know what you mean about BB not being her thing too. I have so many friends I wish would just give it a go lol. Drives me nuts that they wont.

[Mad Scientist]

Heather, no need to hide! Thats exactly how I feel.

I have told her about BB, but TBH I dont think its "her type of thing" IYGWIM?

I suppose im just different in wanting to know absolutely everything, if it was me (and its not) I know I would be fighting to have that baby in me for as long as it was healthy, and to be allowed a natural birth.
I am also very pro BFing and SIL is very ambivalent about, saying she would "give it a go" but shes pretty sure its not her thing, Im hoping she will change her mind once the bub is born, but with I saac being born so early, I worry that its not gonna be a happening thing.
I hope I dont sound like a controlling, interfering Biartch, Im really not that IN her face..(at least I hope not...)

I was really pro bf but because of the problems I had with DD1 and trying to feed her, I would tell people that I'd give bf a go with DD2 but if it didn't work again I wasn't going to beat myself up about it. That didn't mean that I didn't want to bf my daughter, it just meant that I was prepared for all scenarios. Maybe she just doesn't want to get into a discussion about it. I know that if there was a problem with my pregnancy/baby I'd be freaking out and not really wanting to talk about all options and all the scary scenarios. That could be where they are at in their heads. And you don't sound controlling or interfering at all. You just sound passionate and informed. But that doesn't mean she isn't, she just might not want to talk about it, which often comes across as aloof.
She's lucky that you care so much about her and her baby. I suggest being there for her, no matter what she decides and providing all the support she needs and asks for. You've let her know where you stand, so maybe wait until she brings up the subject before mentioning it again? I think you're a special person for caring so much.

[misty]

Part of the problem is that we ALL have opinions, and we all think our opinion is the RIGHT opinion (otherwise we wouldn't have one )

Whe is doing what she thinks is right. She may be informed. She may not. But unless she is actively soliciting advice from you, I don't think you should be giving it.

I know you are doing it because you are concerned about her and your unborn neice/nefew, your heart is in the right place.

But look at this from her point of veiw. She is in a scarey situation. She has been recommended by a health professional a course of action (and I know for a fact there are some fabulous obs out there, just as there are some really crappy midwives: you don't know this ob, or their reasons) - and she has chosen to go along with this course of action. Now here she is sharing her decision and all you are doing is criticising it.

Although I am sure that critisim isn't your intent, that is what it is - overing unsolicitored (and might I suggest uninfomed, as you are not aware of her entire medical status, nor medically trained to deal with such) opinions and questioning her reasoning.

You may be right. But you do not KNOW that. Even if you did, it is not your place to tell her what to do or what not to do.

FWIW - I beleive alot of people rush into these decisions without full knowledge and comprehension of the realities of the decision they are making. The are too quick to proceed without getting a second opinion. BUT I also know that I am not qualified to give that second opinion, nor is it my place to question their decisions unless they ask.

[Lulu]

She also might not have wanted to explain the entire thing to you iykwim? Sometimes it's hard to take in alot of the information, then pass it on to others anyway. It might have felt like she needed to justify herself? From what Beema says it sounds like a fairly reasonable thing, try and rest assured things will be ok.

[STARRYSKY]

I respect your opinion misty, thanks for that, but I see it as if one doesnt take the plunge and question peoples beliefs and ideas then where does it lead us? blindly foloowing what some "professional" says...I do understand what youre getting at, I am doing my best to not come across as judgemental to either of them (my bro and SIL) Iknow how scary it is, I had the same thing at 36 wks (measuring 42 wks) but there wasnt the worry about it (due probably to my advanced stage of pgncy) but I was still very scared and can only imagine what it would be like to be told at 24wks that your baby could be delivered any day...
I do have the best intentions and I wouldnt dream of "telling" her what she should/nt do, I was just trying to understand why the baby was being delivered so early, Beema has thankfully cleared this up for me (thanks hun!) I just didnt think it sounded right as far as I knew everything was hunky dory now and the baby was fine etc..
I love that I have BB to come too to vent/ask these questions, so I can get a good look at how I feel written in front of my face and see how others feel and what they have to say.
Thanks everyone for your replies. xx

[slyder]

I respect your opinion misty, thanks for that, but I see it as if one doesnt take the plunge and question peoples beliefs and ideas then where does it lead us? blindly foloowing what some "professional" says...I do understand what youre getting at, I am doing my best to not come across as judgemental to either of them (my bro and SIL) Iknow how scary it is, I had the same thing at 36 wks (measuring 42 wks) but there wasnt the worry about it (due probably to my advanced stage of pgncy) but I was still very scared and can only imagine what it would be like to be told at 24wks that your baby could be delivered any day...
I do have the best intentions and I wouldnt dream of "telling" her what she should/nt do, I was just trying to understand why the baby was being delivered so early, Beema has thankfully cleared this up for me (thanks hun!) I just didnt think it sounded right as far as I knew everything was hunky dory now and the baby was fine etc..
I love that I have BB to come too to vent/ask these questions, so I can get a good look at how I feel written in front of my face and see how others feel and what they have to say.
Thanks everyone for your replies. xx

I second everything Misty said and she said it much more tactfully than I would. I believe you're well out of order in your inferences about their ob when you know nothing about him/her, and also in regard to your inferences about their lack of knowledge/education. Just because they have a different approach does not necessarily make them ill informed or in need of your guidance.

She clearly is experiencing worrying complications with this pregnancy, and I know if she was my wife, I'd be absolutely going to town if someone started down the road you've taken and the manner in which you've done it.

I mean no offence, I'm just offering my opinion. I think it's good that you are evaluating your own opinions against your approach. It's their life, let them live it.

[STARRYSKY]

slyder-

[Mummato2]

I agree with Misty and Slyder.

My first birth was an OB led birth and with all due respect, I OPTED for an induction complete with every bit of intervention you could throw at me, including drugs......why? because at the time I had a medical issue and was under the advice to induce....was it the best option? in hindsight, probably not, but I can tell you now that I had a well meaning CLOSE friend who I deemed a "natural birth bully" criticize every piece of my plan because SHE felt it was wrong.......I wonder how she would have felt if I challenged my Dr and went against advice then my baby died.......

I don't say this to be harsh, and I am not deeming you a natural birth bully, but in labour and birth there are 3 kinds of people (generally).....the ones that are well informed of all options and CHOOSE to have their birth medically managed for various reasons, the ones that are well informed of all options and CHOOSE to have their births unfold as nature would intend it and the ones that have no freaking idea but go with whatever they're told without challenge.

At the end of the day birth is such a personal thing, who has the right to tell someone their choices are wrong because THEY feel it isn't the decision THEY would make?

It's kinda like breastfeeding I guess. I didn't BF my son and am still going strong with my DD. My best friend stopped at 3 months because she felt her baby got too old for it......who am I to judge?

I wish your SIL all the luck she deserves with the birth of precious Isaac......and you know what? You are a doll for being so concerned but be a doting Aunty once Isaac is here and try not to go hard at your SIL