What did you wish you knew about Labour and those first few days with baby?

[Trillian]

1 that labour is nothing to be scared of. I remember saying to DH about half way into my first birth that I was really scared because I didn't really know what was going to happen next and I wished I had of just embraced it more kwim?

2 that breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn't come naturally. I really wish someone had of told me that. All the books said that breastfeeding is great, but none of them said that it is bloody hard work making it work. And also that while it is hard at first, that it does get easier. I was a mess for the first two weeks, but once we got to the 4wk mark everything just clicked and I felt more like a Mum then than I did for the first 4 weeks.

[Tinks]

Like Trillian I wish I knew not to be scared during labour and also wish I'd known how to work with the pain instead of fighting it

In the first few weeks home I wish I'd known that no one was perfect and I didn't have to be either.

[tippytoes]

I wasn't afraid and I didn't really think anything would go wrong....but I wish I was a bit more prepared for the 'aftermath'. Even though I had a natural birth , 2nd degree tearing was pretty sore. It was really hard to get out of bed and couldn't sit up at all the first day. Stingy when going to the loo etc. My sis (a nurse) gave me a squeezy bottle and box of table salt. I put on tablespoon of salt in it and dissolved it, then squeeze over sore bits . I used this in the shower and when going to the toilet. It was like a salt wash and was very relieving. I think it helped a great deal.
Wishing you all the best!
Rach xx

[rufalina]

1 - I had c-sects so no help there... But I can say that with my elective sections it was possible for me to have my baby on the breast within an hour, and baby lead attachment is possible and still pretty amazing at that point.

2 - Not be afraid to admit that you need help with things, and to seek help where you can, like with breastfeeding and the baby, that it is OK to bug the nurses and midwives in hospital. Pepper them with questions, and seek help when you can. But to also realise that sometimes their advice is not the be all and end all, and to ask the nurse on the next shift for a different perspective if you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going.

[Vixstar]

1) I wish, even though I ended up having c-sections, that during my antenatal classes, they had taken the time, esp for first timers like i was, to explain the possibility of a c-section. Don't get me wrong, the classes were brilliant but kinda made me live in a world of expecting to have a natural birth. My gf lives almost the same story to tell that we both now feel like failures and get quite upset when we hear people 'just gave birth naturally'. (both had the same OBGYN, same hospy etc) After my first c-section I was in so much shock I never bonded with my truely amazing and gorgeous little boy and i beelive that led me down the path to PND. I felt I had failed from the moment we had a c-section.

Make sense!?

2 - Not be afraid to admit that you need help with things, and to seek help where you can, like with breastfeeding and the baby, that it is OK to bug the nurses and midwives in hospital. Pepper them with questions, and seek help when you can. But to also realise that sometimes their advice is not the be all and end all, and to ask the nurse on the next shift for a different perspective if you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going.

I could not agree more.

With DS#1...I felt / thought that because I was a woman, had been pregnant and had a bbay that I should know what to do and basically never asked a question for the whole 7 nights I was in hospital.

With DS#2...I buzzed them for everything, even to adjust my bed! I was making up for it! DS#2 was a darn noisy sleeper and had this squeak which drove me batty so he slept at the nurses station every night! I was the BOSS!!!

I also asked question about bf, even though I bf DS#1. I asked them because i felt I couldn't the first time and wanted to 'make peace within myself' iykwim.

xxxx

[Roryrory]

Labour - That I had a really high pain threshhold, a body that does birth well, and that there was nothing for me personally to be afraid of. Looking back, I am amazed that I got though the first birth the way I did. I was over 30, a professional career woman, first birth, posterior presentation, in a private hospital with an OB who made me push lying on my back, (which statistically should have lined me up for a c-section!). I ended up with a relatively drug-free birth (gas doesn't count when you are 9cm gone I say!), no forceps or vacuum but with an episiotomy. And I felt fabulous afterwards. The second was even better, with midwives at a birth centre and absolutely no intervention. I am so relaxed about the concept of birth a third time that I am having a this one at home(though privately I think maybe I am too relaxed sometimes?)

First days with a baby - That even though I had read EVERYTHING I could find on childcare and breastfeeding, had meals in the freezer ready to go, found breastfeeding to be really easy, everything went right, etc - it is still really a HUGE adjustment having a child. The simplest things can be insurmountable in those first few weeks. I had an "easy time" and an "easy baby" (early motherhood was like a Huggies commercial for me) but I still found it taxing - I can only imagine what it would be like to have the cards stacked against you.

[Rowellen]

Labour - breathing techniques for pain relief. I struggled at home but as soon as the midwife at the hospital talked me through it, it became soooo much more bearable, to the point where I had a drug free birth. Had I known beforehand, I could have stayed home a lot longer.

After birth - settling techniques. On the last day of the hospital we were shown "happiest baby on the block" and that made a huge difference. Not that it all worked, DS refused to stop crying unless he was held upright - no side or stomach for him.

[HollyC]

I was just talking about this today with a second time mum.

Labour - I thought that I was tough and if I was calm and relaxed it wouldn't hurt much. So when it hurt I didn't know what on earth to do. For this time I accept that it will hurt and is hard work and I'm preparing for that.

New baby - I was told that with breastfeeding when bub was finished she would pull off. It took me a few days to realise that it didn't work both ways. So pulling off didn't mean she was finished. Does that make sense? DD would pull off after 10min and I thought she was done. But she just needed a break and a burp. I eventually learned to put her back on the same breast and let her finish. I felt so bad that I had been starving her. She lost a fair bit of weight.

Here's hoping second time is easier!

[Kailani]

Labour - I was petrified going into labour, about the pain, how I was going to cope, etc. Next time I really want to deal with the pain more calmly. Another thing, next time I would like to push when I have the urge, not when the midwives tell me to.

After birth - I now know that breastfeeding can be a lot of hard work and it requires patience and perseverence, and yes, it does get easier with time (I hated people telling me that at the time, and I honestly couldn't imagine getting easier, but now I know it does...even if it takes 10 weeks!). I'm also prepared for how sore I might be "down there". I was really sore for months, it hurt to walk, to pee, to anything really. Oh yeah, and the baby blues...I didn't think it would happen to me, but I was a blubbering mess for weeks after the birth, hightened because of the breastfeeding issues and how sore I was I'm sure.

[beckoes]

Labour....I wish i known it was ok to say NO to some things that MW told me to do....(doh) Id read all the book and thought i had a handle on it....I wish id known that no book can tell you what YOUR body is going to do and you have to just trust YOUR body to do the right thing.

Baby....Wish id known that a baby can feed every ten minutes (or so it seemed) and that my milk wouldnt come in for 5 days and that huge painful swollen boobs was normal and the 'amazing bonding experience' that BFing was ment to be wouldnt happen in the first few weeks!!
When people say 'just do what works for you' to really do that, if that means locking your self away for a week, feeding and sleeping in bed together, never putting baby down or off the boob...do that. And when hearing the 'youl make a rod for your back'....'youl spoil her'...shel learn how to manipulate you' comments, just turn your brain off and smile, while humming a tune!! Pointless advice!!!

Dont have any photos of my belly in the last few weeks. Wish i did!

[sloane]

labour - i wasn't prepared that with the first contraction i would be thinking 'i don't think i can do this'! of course, i could but i just wasn't prepared for how it would totally knock me off balance. i also learnt that despite doing lots of research into which position i would like to labour (i thought on a birthing ball) & not labour (lying on my back) that these things might be totally round the other way!

after birth - that having a long, hot shower would be what kept me sane. and that standing in the shower having a good cry was perfectly normal. i also agree with trillian on bfing. most of all, i wasn't prepared for feelings about my relationship with DP - i actually felt grief & like i'd lost something. it was just a change in our relationship but the strength of the feeling surprised me. i also wish i'd known just how overwhelmed i'd feel by it all - it settled down by about week 5 or 6 but the first two weeks were so intense!

[BekZ]

I wish I knew that I had choices about birthing my child. I wish that I had realised that birthing is a natural process in most circumstances that doesn't need medical intervention to speed it up or get the baby out quickly.

I wish I was told that breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally. I wish that I was never told that my baby should be feed 3 hourly and put into a routine pronto!!! This simple bit of knowledge may have saved a lot of tears. I was never told about skin to skin contact or that babies need breast for comfort.

I wish that all my well meaning relos would have stayed away for at least a day so that we could bond with our baby in peace and quiet. It is a bit hard to establish feeding with 10 other adults in the room with you for the whole day