What did you wish you knew about Labour and those first few days with baby?

[farmgirl77]

Labour - how hard it would be for DH to see me in that pain, and that he needed 'time out', and how exhausting it would be (see next point), no matter how it ends...oh and that barley sugar and staminade would be such a good friend (about the only things of use that I packed in my hospital bag)

First few days
1. how exhausted I would be - I remember the nurses trying to get ds to BF, and I was so tired I could not sit up or keep my eyes open!
2. how hard BF would be and for how long!
3. that it is not always 'love at first sight' - i still remember looking into the cot at DS and thinking 'is he really mine', and wondering if I was meant to kiss him each time I put him down in his cot for a sleep (I did not 'naturally' feel the need/desire to - much different to now)...I was so stressed about if this was normal, but to worried to ask someone as I was afraid that I was 'abnormal' and that they would come and take my baby away from me because I was not going to be a good mother!
4. that no matter how hard people tell you motherhood is, you dont really belive it till you live it!

[*The_Mrs.*]

Labour- I went to all of the classes available while I was pregnant so I would be well prepared. Yet, when my water broke I freaked out and forgot all of the techniques to calm myself down. Being frekaed out slowed my labor by 8 hours. I wish I would have tuned into being more calm.

Birth- Immediately afterwaards I felt bad because I was so tired I wasnt as enthusiastic as I had hoped for when she came out. I just remember being so exhausted. I loved her with every inch of my being and I felt kind of let down. Yet, I cant expect to be jumping for joy after giving birth. I just wanted her to fall asleep in my arms with me.

[Stevie]

i wish (like most of these ladies) that i was more prepared for the breastfeeding, and like someone else has said, i know now that it does get easier but boy i hated hearing it.

i wish that id been more prepared for the baby blues, i was one of those women that was convinced that it wouldnt happen to me, im pretty easy going and optomistic about most things so why would this be different? but i really think that the issues that i was having bfing contributed to that. that and i wasn really prepared for when baby comes home iykwim? i hadnt really thought past getting her out and hospital if id known that i wouldve been doing most of the work on my own (DH was useless.. as much as he tried not to be)

[Mummato2]

I was so focused on the actual birth that I didn't mentally prepare for the sleep deprivation or plan for things like breastfeeding etc.

This time around, I have definitely focused on the birth, but have gotten help from the ABA and my midwife to assist with breastfeeding and supply prior to the birth.

I've also asked my mum to stay for a month or so - so that I can just concentrate on feeding and sleeping with my DD while my DS has my mum to entertain him.

So I guess my advice would be not to get hung up on the birth - it's one day, but start to prepare for after bub comes home.

For me, the baby blues were HUGE and I really didn't think I'd get them. Breastfeeding was way more difficult than I thought and I had no support, so with Coops I lasted one week

[Curly]

I wish I'd used the shower for pain relief the first time around.

I wish I'd done a bit more research on what my body was doing during labour and concentrating on my breathing.

I wish I'd known that getting an epidural meant I had a 50% chance of vacuum or forceps birth.

I wish I'd known that when I was getting to the point where I was thinking "I can't handle this anymore" that I didn't actually have much longer to go.

I wish I'd spent more time cuddling skin to skin, sniffing him and gazing at him rather than getting him into a routine. I wish I'd been more prepared to go with the flow.

And I wish I'd had more healthy food in the freezer ready to heat and eat for dinner!

[Tiff+2]

Plenty of people have said it, now it my turn ... I really wish I knew that breastfeeding wasn't as easy as a boob and a mouth! Maybe for some it is, but not for me! I was told 'natural instinct takes over' blah blah blah. Thinking like that made me feel like a complete failure when I had trouble getting DD to attch and it was so painful that I really didn't enjoy it for the first few weeks which made me feel even worse. I cried to my mum one day (she was here staying with me until BF was established and I felt confident with it all. I have the best mummy!) that I dreaded feeding her which made me a bad mother. She has a no nonsence attitude, just told me I didn't dread feeding my baby, I hated the pain, everyone hates pain and was not a bad mother, so put the baby on the boob and get on with it!!!

Also I really wish I had prepared myself for the possiblity of tearing. I am the kind of person that really has to get my head prepared for different situations and although it was mentioned in our antenatel classes that there was a possiblity, they mainly linked it to women pushing before they're fully dilated so it was kind of one of the last things I expected, especially a 3rd deg tear! I found it quite disheartening having to have DH there to pull down my underwear so I could go to the toilet or dress/ undress to shower as I could not bend completely and I couldn't stand up complete straight either. Not something that had even crossed my mind previously!

Anyways thats me done!!!

[2CheekyMonkeys]

birth- not to be so scared and work with the pain (like someone else said). wish i had done more mental preperation before hand etc, yoga, massage, accupuncture etc. (and also watched what i was eating a bit more) and kept up some form of exercise.

Baby- i wish i had thrown away all the baby manuals listing milestones and characteristics of babies week to week! i wish i didnt feel guilty for co-sleeping and breastfeeding to sleep cause they were the only ways any of us could cope, yet it wasnt what 'normal' babies do! i wish i had stopped watching the clock and recording feeding times and sleeping times etc and just gone with the flow more often. wish i had stopped comparing my baby to other peoples babies.

[littlebear]

It's been a while since anyone's posted in here but I thought I'd share my experience...

Labour: I wish I'd known that it can't always go to plan. I wanted a really natural birth with no drugs, and possibly even in the bath. But, i went overdue, got induced and had to have a c-section (pelvis too small for bubs head). My advice is even though it's a really scary thought, don't count on having it the way you want it. Read about everything that can happen, because I had no idea what was happening to me.

Baby: Have confidence in yourself, trust your instincts! I could tell something was wrong with DS around 3 weeks before he started showing symptoms and then within a week he started screaming from reflux. And don't stress if you can't tell which cries mean what instantly, or you feel like you don't know what you're doing. Give yourself time and you will learn.

[Bathsheba]

Labour: I wish I had not just left everything up to the medical staff believing they knew best. I wish i had done a little bit more research. My pain threshold was not as high as I thought it was. I wish someone had told me that labour was more like doing a marathon run than trying to push out a watermelon (I had looong labours)... the pushing part was not the hard bit... it was getting there in a positive mindset!

After: I wish i had known about the importance of a Babymoon... i hadn't even heard of that phrase. I wish I hadn't feel pressured to go out to a New Year's Eve party one week after giving birth. I should have babymooned for at least a month!!! I learnt this by the time I had my second and third

[Party-of-five]

I was 18 when i had DS...I knew nothing about labour...I wish some one told me about the feeling of needing a huge poo!!
And its ok to stay in your pjs all day when you have a newborn

[kungfubecca]

Labour: I was very happy with the first time, and felt about right, second time, I wish I hadn't known what to expect, I probably would have been more relaxed. I was more nervouse the second time round!!!

After Birth:
I turned to my hubby and said what do I do with this now?

I felt the immense loss as well, but didn't connect it to a change in relationship with my partner, I felt more like I was mourning my baby bump. thoughts of will I ever get to experience that again, coupled with the overwhelming of what to do with the bubs, 'cause it was easier when it was on the inside. I felt better equiped to deal with this with #2 and have only cried at a moment of sheer exhaustion where the 2yo was really crawling under every inch of my skin and I needed some me time.

with number 2 I didn't expect the after pains to be as bad as they where

Shades: I wish you has slaped the night shift midcow, it kind of feels like your being targeted when it's first bub, and am right there with you on the wrapping. Everyone tries to tell me babies love being wraped, they just don't know it, Like hell, My babies love their hands. #1 we stoped wrapping at 3 months. #2 stoped wrapping arms at 3 days! still wrap under arms for warmth, but she does not like being restrained, and even gets very upset with mittens!

Pish: it would be nice if they menitoned some of us are smaller and don't have as much stretch so we tear. There was no more room available with me, my babies were coming out if I pushed or not, so i couldn't avoid the tear, without a lot of prep, but then i didn't learn the second time round.

Hollo I wish I had done more yoga etc before #2 my body felt it more, definetly work on the bod before i go back again.

[HotI]

Shades: I wish you has slaped the night shift midcow, it kind of feels like your being targeted when it's first bub, and am right there with you on the wrapping. Everyone tries to tell me babies love being wraped, they just don't know it, Like hell, My babies love their hands. #1 we stoped wrapping at 3 months. #2 stoped wrapping arms at 3 days! still wrap under arms for warmth, but she does not like being restrained, and even gets very upset with mittens!

It's nice to read this. My little one wants her arms out, and we decided to stop wrapping them in because she always gets them out, and she is so frustrated until she does!

[turtleschell]

I wish I knew to hold the baby a lot, instead of letting her just sleep in her cot all the time. See I thought if she slept in my arms this would 'spoil her' or create a habit.. I wish I knew that newborns don't know the difference!!

I wish I knew about gentle parenting! (Everyone I know seems to love strict routines and controlled crying, and I hadn't heard of anything else)

[AngelPants]

i havnt got to havin our bubs yet but so far the best thing ive been told (by my MIL midwife) is to make a list of the things that need doing as you think of them so that when u get the chance to ask for help or someone offers you dont need to sit down and think about it cos with everything else thats happening you wont be able to think of anything, so the help is pretty much useless.

[Nettie]

My wish for both was to learn to RELAX! I learned it during the labour (it made the contractions about 1/4 of the pain!) and if I'd relaxed more when he was a newborn, I think I would have enjoyed it more. Most of the time I felt like I was on a speeding train and couldn't wait for it to stop

I wish I'd known how much stuff I'd have to do one-handed... and I wish I knew how to do it all that way! (It's even too hard to make a cuppa or change a DVD..) Then we got a sling Wish I'd had THAT sooner too!

[alioops]

For Labour, I wish I had known what transition was like without an internal. I remember saying I wanted to go home and being told that I was doing fine. I just wanted to curl up in my bed to make it all go away. DD1 was born not too long after.

Baby: I wish I had known that I didn't have to have a routine or teach her to sleep. I wish I had known about safe co sleeping and that not all babies liked being wrapped (another non wrapper here, she screamed, and a MCHN tried to tell me they all liked wrapping - Poppyc0ck) And I wish I had taken the advice to sleep as much as possible.

[fionas]

I wish I had known that a long pushing stage in a rotten position would further damage my already dodgy pelvis and lead to 18 months of more pain.

I wish I had given myself a break and not been so determined to breastfeed that I allowed midwife after midwife to shove DD's head on to my boob for up to 90 minutes each time and understood that an odd bottle here and there was probably not going to be the end of the world and that it would have been much better for my sanity AND bonding than allowing my boobs to be manhandled by strangers. And I wish I had known that it would be better to just try a little bit and often than try for a hideously long time every time and to get so het up about the situation that my milk didn't even come in until Day 7.

[kungfubecca]

Just wondering does anyone ever get the feeling that after the birth of a bub your not alowed to feel overwhelmed or miss your previous life because you wanted to have children?

It sometimes feel that becuse I choose this path I'm not allowed to complain, esp when they are innocent little bubs and you are supposed to be the luckiest person in the world.

This is more how #1 felt, #2 so much easier for me.