Noni, echoing everyone else's words...it can SO be done! This time last year I was 6 months pregnant and had paid for my HypnoBirthing course. I copped all the comments about "yeah, pain-free, good luck', 'take the drugs' and all the horror stories that go with these types of comments. I really did try to avoid these situations, but some women come at you with them, regardless. You just need to fortify yourself against these women and let their words run right over you.
I can relate to my birth story being as boring as bat ***** for most women. They ask and I say it was truly lovely and they look like they dont' believe me. In fact, a good friend of mine still thinks I'm fibbing when I say that there was no screaming whatsoever...not even swearing (and I'm a well-renowned potty mouth!).
The other thought I have is that when you answer that you want to go drug-free, other women feel you are criticising them for their own choices. That's for them to deal with. You want to do it a certain way, so stick to it, research it and empower yourself, cos there are too many people who are ready to tell you what you can't do.
Also, please, please, please, do not buy into the thought-process of "but they've given birth before, they must know better than I"...because in most instances, unfortunately, these women didn't empower themselves for their own birth experiences and a bit of jealousy can lead to attempted disempowerment!
I was surrounded by women in my social circle, who had given birth before. Most were critical of me and thought I was naive and that it was their responsibility to set me straight. They were meekly surprised at my success and then they moved on to being negative about how I wouldn't get any sleep, all I would do is wash cloth nappies (cos we decided to go cloth) etc. Wrong again. We co-sleep, so I get great sleep! Cloth nappies are fun and take next to no time. But I digress. Just because you are a first-timer, it doesn't mean your body is any less able to do what women have been doing for time immemorial.
I believe that the key is to visualise the kind of birth YOU WANT. Visualise serenity and you will be that much closer to achieving it. I joked that Oscar's birth would be 'zen', but then I would go off and actually place myself in a birthing pool, being all zen...and that's how it was, I kid you not!
Work on eliminating the fear, and look forward to the birth itself - embrace it for what it provides and what it will teach you about yourself. That's a bit hippie, I know - but now I'm pulling rank...I've been there, done that
You CAN do it, chickadee We are all real life women here who can tell you that it IS possible, it's not martyrdom (ironically, unlike many women's horror stories!), and it is beautiful like nothing else. No matter what happens, it's what you make of it