I tried some things to try and take my mind off the sickness and contractions such as reading, writing in my diary and listening to music but nothing helped. I spent the night and early morning watching the sun rise through the window next to my bed, hoping and wishing that this would be all over soon. I was constantly changing my maternity towels because I constantly had some bloody show coming away, this was some plug that was coming away!!! I felt very scared and frightened, even more so because I was the only person on the ward – there was no-one else all night. I kept looking at my phone all the time, wishing time would go quicker – one minute it was midnight then 1 AM, then 1.01 AM and so on.

I couldn’t wait for 9 AM to come round. I was counting down the hours and midwives and various people were still coming in and out, asking me if I couldn’t sleep and I said no (I don’t think anyone could in that much fecking pain!!!). When I had the tablet inserted, I was told that they would continue monitoring me throughout the night and would check me at about 9 AM in the morning – at least I had something to look forward to, something to focus on through the pain. The advised me just to lie down, close my eyes and try and sleep but I had tried this many times and couldn’t sleep as I was in so much pain. They must think I had just fell out of the sky!!

After about 2 or so hours (but what felt like an eternity) one of the midwives came in to check something (the monitor I think) and she asked if I was ok and I gave her an honest answer – no and I asked if there was any chance I could have some more pain relief as I was finding the pains hard to bear but she said that it hadn’t been long since I had my last lot so I wasn’t able to have any more. They had given me more paracetamol but as soon as it went in my mouth I sicked it back up again and they could see it floating in my sick bucket which was obvious that it hadn’t gone into my system but wouldn’t give me anything else, the bloody top hats. I was absolutely exhausted. The previous night I hadn’t had any sleep so was shattered. At one point I was sitting up in bed after coming back from the toilet and I was holding my “sick bucket” in front of me (incidentally, the small container I was given to be sick in was exactly the same as the one I had been given to do urine samples in) and I was that tired hnot having slept in 2 days that I nodded off for a second and woke up and somehow I ended up with sick all over my bed sheets (sorry if TMI) so they had to be changed. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed about having to get one of the midwives out to come and change my bed sheets.