When they did the emergency Caesarean Section on me I didn’t feel a thing. It all happened so quick. It was only when they opened me up that they found that he had poo pooed inside me (meconium - a sign of the baby being distressed). They attached a blood drainage bag to my wound. Paul remained as calm and relaxed throughout although he was very worried and the doctors were still asking me if I was ok and I was saying yes. They kept telling me how brave I was and how well I was doing. The next thing I heard was one of the men doctors saying “in one minute your baby will be here” and I remember thinking “is this real?” I couldn’t believe my baby was on the way after all i’ve been through the previous night - I thought it’s about bloody time!! Then I think I may have heard a cry. The next thing I saw was one of the women doctors with the baby and she put him on the scales, I never saw him come out, wasn’t the first person to see him, wasn’t the first person to hold him and I never got skin to skin either, no wonder I haven’t bonded with him. Some other women even those who have emergency Caesarean Sections get to see their babies come out, they get to be the first person to see the baby, the first person to hold the baby which is how it should be and they get skin to skin too. I wanted skin to skin as it’s good for bonding but I never got it. They never even asked me if I wanted to hold him before they cleaned him up. All I saw was a big white bundle. Then when she put him on the scales I tried to catch a glimpse as he was MY baby, I shouldn’t have been the LAST person in the room to see him!! But couldn’t really get much of a look as she was standing in the way.

One of the male members of staff said to Paul “do you want to go over” so he did and he stood by the scales. The doctor weighed him (he was 8 lbs 1 oz) and gave him the vitamin K injection which is given straight after birth in order to prevent (or slow) a rare problem of bleeding into the brain weeks after birth. Vitamin K promotes blood clotting. I was asked earlier in the day if I wanted Lennon to have the Vitamin K injection and said yes as I thought it was very important. One of the doctors in the theatre said “what is it?” and Paul said “a boy”. It was an amazing feeling being told what the baby was and especially by Paul as I wanted him to find out the sex and tell me. Then, she brought Lennon over to me and Paul. I can just about remember seeing him for the first time. I wasn’t able to hold him or have the skin to skin that I wanted so was gutted. He didn’t feel like my child and still doesn’t because of what happened. The doctor laid him next to me and I had to turn my head to the right to see him. I couldn’t get to kiss him or cuddle him or anything. Having 2 drips in and lots of wires everywhere and on my neck didn’t help. The first thing he did was blink. Paul was asked what the baby was called and I think we both replied “Lennon”.