BAL I so admire you! You are an amazing and inspirational mother and breastfeeding mother at that. I have had breast refusal off and on over the last few months but I'm sure it has not been as intense as what you have experienced because of your particular circumstances. Anyway what I'm awkwardly trying to say is for me it was emotionally draining and exhausting so I can only begin to empathise and imagine your experience. So you are without a doubt an incredibly strong and loving person no matter how over it you sometimes feel.