Gen Y Embarrased to Breastfeed

[Doing my best]

:yeahthat: (refering to Jahzaras comment) i was wondering too as after 8 weeks i ended up having no choice but to formula feed my 2 girls

I didn't read it as msadelaide saying that that those who FF should be embarrassed, but more as her feeling embarrassed if she had to change her normal feeding method while in public rather than growing to feel comfortable BF in public..

I remember going out with my mum when DD was about 3 weeks old as I felt that an old guy sitting across from me was oggling me, I ended up giving her FF. I didn't have enough to soley BF, but I switched to FF a lot quicker that day..

[Miss E]

Interesting article, but I can't help but think the lack of knowledge has more to do with the probability that most of the respondents wouldn't have had children yet or even be planning to do so in the near future. I'm a gen x'er and I have to say that I really didn't have any idea about those issues until after I got pregnant. Yes I knew that breastfeeding was meant to be better for your baby, but I didn't know why or how much better. In fact I didn't know about when you introduced solids or that you should continue breastfeeding till 12 months until after I had my bub!

TBH I'm not entirely comfortable breastfeeding in public. I have done it once or twice when I've had no other choice, but usually I will use the parents room or plan ahead and have a bottle of EBM with me. It's not really about people looking at me or anything like that, I guess I'm just a bit of a prude and don't feel comfortable. But I never saw that as a reason not to breastfeed till 12 months, it's easy to work around and really isn't an issue.

[clairekerzner]

I read that article today, too- it got me so annoyed I even posted a reply, though I don't think it got published :P

My problem with the article was twofold.

1. This news service is constantly publishing articles slamming "Gen Y" for their poor decisions/ lack of responsibility/ etc etc etc. They tar everyone in this generation with the same brush, when there's absolutely no way we're all making the same decisions or behaving the same way. I just get so irritated to see my generation matter-of-factly referred to as lazy/ fickle/ irresponsible when I know that *I* and most of the people I know couldn't be further from that. The survey itself certainly had some interesting results, not least showing the need for greater breastfeeding awareness, but any valid message was buried under the usual Gen Y bashing.

2. The people surveyed, by the wording of the questions/ answers obviously don't have kids yet, and in the article title they're called "future" mums. They're saying they "don't think" they'll breastfeed to six months, or that they "believed it would be" embarrassing to breastfeed in public. I'd love to hear from those same people once they've gone through the whole process of antenatal care and giving birth!

I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable breastfeeding in public, either, before my DD arrived in 2008 (when I was 27). But it certainly wasn't going to stop me from doing it. I also thought I would only breastfeed for six months- having no experience at all with babies, I had a weird idea that kids went straight from boob to all solids as soon as their first teeth popped through <g>. I know, I know. Lol.

Anyway! My daughter spent a month in the NICU, and I had every doctor, nurse and midwife in three hospitals, plus every family member and all my friends, watching me attempt to breastfeed her for the first four weeks. After that kind of start, plus two rounds of ultrasound treatment for mastitis, my perspective on breastfeeding was completely altered. At 14 months of age my DD is still breastfed anywhere, anytime. I don't cover up, and if anyone else feels uncomfortable about it I believe it's up to them to look the other way (or get an education!).

As to the six months, by the time I got there, I was nowhere near ready to give up the wonderful breastfeeding relationship we had, and I'm still not quite.

So, I really don't think there's any relevance in the study, since none of those surveyed actually know what it's like to hold a little bundle in their arms and feed them. Yet.

[Lulu]

Totally agree on all points Claire.

[Glamourcide]

Spencee, honey, when that bub arrives, and you've been through the whole process of birthing and what not, BFing in public will seem normal to you if the missus establishes it successfully and is able to BF whenever and wherever she pleases.
My own experience: DD1 was FF'd pretty much from birth. Her delivery was very traumatic, resulting in a near-fatal PPH, and my milk just never got up and running despite constant expressing. I come from a family of FFers and it was just 'the easy thing' to do - and even in hindsight, probably my only choice. At that stage, yes, boobs were still 'icky' to me and the thought of getting them out in public was kind of weird - I LOVE seeing BFing mums, just couldn't see myself having the guts to do it myself, kwim?
Round two - DD2's textbook delivery, BFing established within minutes and a hefty supply within days. No problems. My first chop at BFing in public was lodging the baby bonus paperwork in Centrelink when she was less than 72 hours old. And I had the bad luck to sit down and feed her while DH stood in line waiting for service, and some random sleaze seated himself right in front of me and tried to cop a look (I was using a blanket over my shoulder and wearing two shirts so I could pull one up and one down and have zero skin on show if the blanket slipped). DH noticed, gave him what-for and I never, ever had a negative experience again - except for one time in a McDonald's restaurant (again with a blanket over my shoulder) from a grandmother who didn't think it was 'suitable' for her grandsons to be 'exposed' to such a thing.

Other than those two experiences, though, I fed anywhere and everywhere. My husband, after some earbashing from the new lactivist he was sleeping next to, grew to see my 'funbags' as 'feedbags' (unless the kids were asleep and we were getting back in the saddle lol). He was a bit uncomfy at first with the idea of me getting them out in public, but he soon realised it wasn't like I was hanging out at the mall with completely bare breasts for the world to see. Like I said, I took to wearing a singlet with a tee over the top - pull shirt up to my shoulder, pull singlet down to let a boob out, and get bub on there - nothing shown, nobody 'offended', nobody embarrassed. It became completely normal behaviour to BF in public and I was glad to be doing my bit to educate my girlfriends about BFing - that it wasn't 'weird', or 'gross', or 'indecent', or anything other than a way to feed a kid conveniently, safely (no messing around with bottles and the risk of bacteria etc if you've carted a warmed-up bottle with you all day), and quickly

I even felt comfortable BFing in front of DH's male friends, his work colleagues, and my dad (eek!). Getting a boob out when my daughter cried was just as natural and normal as popping a dummy in her mouth or picking her up and giving her a cuddle. If people were uncomfortable seeing me feed my child, with a blanket over my shoulder, then they were more than free to simply avert their eyes - it's their hang-up, not mine. I've never seen my breasts as a sexual thing (tbh I've never seen my body as a whole as anything really special, and like most women I probably pay my flaws more consideration than anybody else), so it wasn't much of a transition from seeing them as 'playthings' to 'feeding equipment'.

And, truly... nobody 'looks'. People might glance as they would at anybody they pass, then they see you BFing and either smile because they love seeing babies, or they just look away and keep going


I agree with most of the others who have shared their thoughts - the sample group was probably flawed because before I planned on having kids, I thought along the same lines - boobs only get fresh air in the comfort of your own home, or a nudist beach. They're not for cafes or shopping centres. But now that I have babies, I know better and found it very easy to overcome my fears. I credit BB with 99.9% of my attitude towards BFing, so get the missus on here and in the BFing forums and talking to mums who do it every day, and there'll be no fear left in a few short weeks!

Best of luck

ETA: Oh, tell the Jellymaker from me that Supre does the best singlets for BFing, especially if she's gonna wear a shirt over the top to do BFing Glamourcide-style They're quite low-cut at the top so they're very easy to pull down, and the straps are really stretchy so they can take a lot of punishment. And they're sooo cheap, she can have a different singlet for every day of the week!

[sunshine_sieben]

Glamourcide

tbh I've never seen my body as a whole as anything really special, and like most women I probably pay my flaws more consideration than anybody else

That's exactly how I feel.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Sometimes i'd like to know who they survey for things like this.. no offence to anyone but is it party boys/girls who have no idea about babies past the idea of getting laid?
Is it career men/women who have spent their entire life at school or studying that don't even want to think about a baby until their in their 30's?

I'm GEN Y, most of our mothers group is GEN Y and ALL yes thats right ALL of us breastfed, some had to give it up within the first 6mths but we all tried for as long as possible.

I understand that not EVERYONE knows about breastfeeding and not everyone chooses to but do they seriously think that people aren't doing it because they are embarrassed?
I don't care where i am if my child is hungry i will feed her, the same as i did with DD1.
I use a muslin wrap tucked into my top/dress and down over DD's head to make sure everything is covered.
I've even breastfed in a busy restaurant while eating tea... who really cares, i'm not flashing anyone and i would never be embarrassed to do THE NATURAL THING.

I know men can feel a little funny about it, DP asked me once when i was at my cousins WHERE i breastfeed while i'm there.. i said on the couch (cousins wife had a baby 4 days b4 me), he said even with D there.. i was like yeah why, he's my cousin he's not staring at my (.)(.)...

It takes a bit of getting used to but you will realise people wont be ogling your partner, some people fo a double take cos they realise your doing something but they never actually stare... it's great your asking questions and everything though...

Sorry if i've made no sense... hehe

[Dansta]

i agree with the artical - that most people my age are "thingy" about breast feeding. im 20, and i tried bf-ing my DS for the first 8 weeks, any where any time. DH was very, very supportive of this. if any one looked i'd glare back at them. with the next bubba, i'll squirt milk at them - they wanna look then they can cop an "eye full"

people my age (gen y i'm guessing ) it seems have been bought up with boobies = sex. yep, that simple. i think that because of that, they dont want to 'share' their boobies - in the giving for food sense, KWIM? they also dont want to be...how do i put this. restricted with bfing - as in they cant go out becuase they have the milk, yes expressing is a way around this, but that takes time. (i'm trying not to offend any one here too!) they see FF = freedom (i FF my DS so i know its not..) i think maybe when they do sex ed in schools they need to talk OPENLY and HONESTLY about breast feeding...well theres my 2cents

edit: i forgot to say a friend of DH's his DW is happy to Bf but HATES seeing other women do it. so i warned her - your in my house, if my baby needs food, my boobie will be out and about dont like dont look

[Nelle]

Mmm I agree Dansta, a mention of breastfeeding in school might do well towards normalising things.

I don't think it's necessarily a generation thing, it's just what people have been exposed (lol) to. If you have friends with babies, then b'fing will seem a bit more normal and do-able, if you were like me and rarely saw it, then you might say (as I did at the very first feed) 'this is so weird'. And then my friend said 'you're doing a great job' and I looked down and realised my little guy was so little and dependent on me for food and suddenly it didn't feel weird, it felt normal.

I think the article's a lot of tosh, or misleadingly titled (surprise surprise!) at best. If you titled it 'Most People Aren't Sure How They'll Feel About Breastfeeding When They Do It One Day' then perhaps that would be more accurate.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

As someone on the gen X/Y border, I would BF anywhere. People didn't ogle: having a baby on there is a bit of a turn-off! Plus I had tops that you didn't have to lift and expose all my flabby tummy: that helped too! It looked like we were just having a cuddle.

I find it's the older women who go to bottles before 6m. The younger ones can be scarily - militantly - passionate about it.

[{sarah}]

My question is what is Gen Y??

I just googled it & got:
1) 1981 or later
2) 1977 - 1997
3) 1976 - 1985
4) 1980 - 1990

This article is referring to 18-29 year olds, so 1980-1992, I wonder if another article on Gen Y using a different definition would get a different result? Just thinking out loud...

[Jellyfish]

I feel more embarrased in front of people I know than in front of strangers -- especially my brother, dad and friends my age without children (I'm 21). I'm sure I wouldn't have known when solids were introduced or the first thing about breastfeeding unless I had to AND I DO feel embarrased in public but it doesn't stop me doing so. It is getting worse, not better, as she gets older (approaching 11months now) because a lot of people are pushing the whole "you can give that up soon", I just smile and nod with full intention of continuing but it does make me a bit uncomfortable to know that they aren't on the same page as me and might not support it.

[nelly]

I have to agree with the comments that it is what you are exposed to that tends to influence these decisions and how you feel. I luckily was not the first in my circle of friends to have babies and bf.

I BF DS till 11months and am still going with DD. Once you get established (and hopefully she is lucky and has a smooth path) bf is so easy and convenient - I really was dreading starting solids bcos suddenly I had to start carrying stuff around, and make an effort at mealtime! And I found when I reached that 6 month mark I was enjoying the special quiet moments and couldn't fathom all the sterilizing, the bottles and the expense of ff. Gosh with the second baby I couldn't even be bother expressing - it just seemed to hard lol.

TBH I get cranky when I see women making a big song and dance about covering themselves up bcos it just makes it look so hard. By the time they get themselves organised to start I have finished one side and moving onto the next. Don't get me wrong I understand that if you feel most comfortable that way it's your choice, but for me by the time I try to co-ordinate getting my breast out, baby on and cover over I don't have enough arms.... and I feel suffocated when I stick my head in not to mention how the baby feels.

And I am one who looks at other bf women, not to cop a perve but to have a look at bub and seriously it really is such a beatific picture ~ mum w bub at breast.

If Jellymaker isn't comfortable feeding in public, be it covered or not, most parents rooms have the little curtained cubicles that are good to use when you and bub are still figuring it all out.

[squishyandmum]

i'm Gen Y, and was just over 18 when squishy was born and TBH, after giving birth it really wasn't a big deal lol
i remember my dad was visiting in hospital and squish needed a feed and i sort of started to get embarassed but then though hey, my bub needs food, i'll feed him, so i fed infront of my dad and that was that! tits out whenever and wherever needed (including church lol)

but i do have Gen Y friends, with children, who still recoil with the thought of breastfeeding in public. that said, they are they people who didn't really 'think' about the experience of birth and feeding and parenting (if that makes sense) one did BF for 6 weeks, the other didn't at all.

but i think if you ask the 'average' Gen Y who has put no thought into babies then yeah you probably will get OMG boobs in PUBLIC! because it's no longer normal

[sunshine_sieben]

Me again!
Ok, I'm sort of on the border between gen x and gen y, being born in 79.
I grew up in Germany. i think the general attitude there is a little different from here. To me, it was never a question whether or not I BF. I thought that's what everybody does. It didn't occur to me that there was a choice to be made. I NEVER thought much about all the formula in the supermarkets, but I probably thought it was for the few women who either can't make milk or for when they are away from their babies (I had no idea about expressing). But honestly, i didn't give it much thought before I was ready to have kids.

When I first started BFing, I was a little uneasy about BFing in public. Not embarrassed. But I was concerned about embarrassing others. I had read about Australia's twisted attitude towards BFing and probbably thought about it a bit too much. I just couldn't do it discreetly as I was having attachment issues. I remember when DD was 3 or 4 days old, my MIL and my DH's grandmother (Nanna) came around when I had to feed DD. I thought Nanna might get offended. I remember asking my mum, who was staying with me, whether I should go to my bedroom to feed (at that time, it often took 1 hour). My mum just rolled her eyes and said: "Don't be silly. It's not like she's never seen boobs before. She's been there done that". So I did. Nanna didn't flinch.
Then, when DD was 4 weeks old, my dad came to stay with us for 3 weeks. I had no choice than to feed in front of him. I was not sure how he would react to his daughter's bare breasts. I was so relieved, when he just sat down next to me and started chatting away. He treated it as the most normal thing in the world, which it is, of course. He wouldn't have felt uncomfortable if I was giving DD a bottle, so why should he feel uncomfy about BFing.
My brother also stayed with me when DD was 3 months old and it didn't bother me. And he acted completely normal, too.
My family members have become so used to seeing me do it, that even the ones who felt a little weird about it in the beginning, have completely desensitised (especially my FIL and my Dh's grandfather).
If I am around people I don't know, I usually sit a little to the side, not right in their faces, so that they do not HAVE to look, if they don't want to. But I am always happy if someone comes and sits with me.

I love to see women BF. I think it is beautiful. And I am sure, when my Bfing journey is over (what a sad thought), I will delight in seeing the milky smiles of other babies. So I might be the freaky person gwaking - not at the boobs, but at the babies doing their most favourite thing in the world.
I often wish people would see what I see when I BF my children. Especially people who have not had kids yet. There is nothing more beautiful than when DS pulls off the boob and gives me a big toothless grin, before tucking in again. Or blowing me a kiss. if more people saw those moments, maybe they would better understand how far beyond nutrition this whole BFing thing goes.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I think that in our efforts to tell women that it's ok to breastfeed in public as long as they're discreet, we've made it embarrassing. If it's not embarrassing, why the need to be 'discreet'? Not only that, but by being 'discreet', aka HIDING BFing, younger people (and lots of older people who either never had kids or can't remember their children being little!) don't even know BFing is there, don't know that there's this great thing they can do when it's their turn, don't know that it's really normal, don't know that it can be a struggle to get it right, and just don't know when it's being done or not.
To me, when someone says it's "ok if it's discreet", they're really telling me they don't approve of people BFing in public. "It's ok if I don't know it's happening", is what I hear. It's suggesting that there are women who pop out a boob, leave it on display for a few minutes before attaching the child. How ridiculous a notion. Women get their boobs out to feed their children, not to display their nipples. Simple as that. If people see nipples then, guess what? That's what a boob is and what it does!
Plus, the irony for me is that blankets and those insipid BFing covers only draw attention to the fact that you're BFing and no-one actually notices when I just 'pull out a boob' to BF with no blanky in sight. That's ok if you're not embarrassed about people knowing you're BFing, but wasn't the point to be as unnoticeable as possible?? I don't get it.
Anyhoo, I really resent being told it's ok to BF in public as long as it's discreet. The more people BF in public, the more we'll all appreciate that boobs come in all varieties, not just the pumped up, 'classic' shape (which has GOT to be a minority in reality!!) that never strays beyond a D cup.
Do your wife a favour, and don't mention that BFing can be done discreetly

[Inanna]

MMM not so sure about the authenticity of this article. Sunshine Sieben I agree with so much of what you say. I have breastfed 5 babies, co fed, toddler/preschooler fed... Like SS there was never a "choice" to breastfeed it was just what I did. There was no other way for me. Though it was dang dang dang hard in the beginning with 2 of my babies & of course expressing for months after Immy was born without even putting her to the boobie!

I too think breast feeding shouldn't be hidden (for me),.. I took the opportunity to show just how normal and every day breastfeeding is. SS you are so correct - Aussies have a warped view of breastfeeding (generally societally I am referring to)... Breasts are seen as sexual organs - and they can be but they are there to comfort and nourish my baby & they got a great work out there...

I say bring it out of the closet - make it as natural and "normal" as it surely is... Don't hide it away as it is beautiful! Be proud of providing this for your baby!

[sunshine_sieben]

Spencee, I think you misunderstood the intention of our posts.
You posted an article that said that GenY is embarrassed about Bfing in public.
We said: we are GenY (although on the border), we don't feel embarrassed. That is a completely normal response to an article like that, in my opinion.

We posted to refute this questionable survey and also to let others know that there really is nothing to be embarrassed about. Not to say that you are silly for being embarrassed.

And it is true, the more often you hear that some people are embarrassed about BFing, the more likely you are to feel embarrassed, too. I am the prime example of that. As posted earlier, I had no idea that there was a reason to be embarrassed until I heard all those people talking about it and how to cover up. All of a sudden I had qualms about it, too. Fortunately not for long. And you know what, all the wonderful women on BB talking about how they BF in public have certainly helped me feel more "normal" about it.

So I posted my story not to pat myself on the back, but so that others can see it is possible to overcome the awkwardness and BF in public with confidence.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!

And that is exactly what I mean, I don't make a big song and dance about covering up. But I do still feel that I am maintaining my modesty. Suggesting otherwise is a little offensive. Although I am sure that that's not what you meant to suggest.