Thanks Hoobley i totally agrre with everything you said and was very close to tears when i read your post, i truly would love to have a natural birth to be honest i wouldnt want a home birth but would be open to water etc. (too scary after my sons situation) My other "fight" i see if i do choose that option is family and friends i was out for dinner with them all last night and they mentioned recovery after CS and how they would help and i said i wasnt totally decided on that at the moment, well you can only imagine the barrage the " why on earth would i do that to myself again" etc. etc. my DH doesnt even want to discuss it (prob something to do with the inability to have sex for almost a year after ds) any way im still determined and if i have all the info we will see im not closed to it. I have actually thought cause my ob said if i go early i can try a VB, i might say she can book me in for a CS at 39.5 weeks if i go before that i want natural and if its a big bub or after that then i will agree to the CS, or something to that effect. Either way i will be in control thanks Hoobley.