Debriefing emergency c-section with midwives?

[farmgirl77]

Nine months ago our DH was born via emergency c-section. DH and I had wanted a natural birth, if possible, but ultimatly as DS was an IVF bub, we just wanted a live baby - however that happened. At the time of his birth, and up until recently, I had not really worried about the c-sect - to be honest I was struggling to cope with our DS (suffering mild PND). Now things are better, but now I am thinking more and more about the c-section and wondering if it really had to be, or if there was something I should have done differently? Why did it happen, did it have to happen?

I am thinking of ringing the hospital and seeing if I can meet with a midwife to go through my file and the details of the birth and debrief it. Questions like - did I really need a c-sect because my waters had been broken 24hrs, was I not coping, was my baby not coping - those kinds of things. The person who has been helping me with the PND suggested that the hospital may not want to do this as they may be afraid that I will blame them, get angry etc etc. I dont think I will, if anything I am more likley to blame myself more for giving in to the pain and allowing the c-sect to happen.

So, has anyone else debriefed a c-sect birth after this lenght of time (9mths) - if yes, was it helpful? Are there other options that I should consider such as getting my file and then finding an independent midwife to look at it and talk me through it? I have though about going to my Ob, but he will say that it was the best outcome etc etc, and that is not the objective view I am looking for.

Any suggestions much appreciated.
FG

[mummato1]

I am actually considering doing the exact same thing.. so I am very interested to see the responses you get!

[Midwife Melissa]

I am thinking of ringing the hospital and seeing if I can meet with a midwife to go through my file and the details of the birth and debrief it ... I have though about going to my Ob, but he will say that it was the best outcome etc etc, and that is not the objective view I am looking for.
FG

The hospital midwives don't generally debrief births and would most likely back what the OB would say. I think most women would see an IM to get an independent viewpoint.

[*Belle*]

Hon I think de-brief would be very helpful, and Im sure your OB would help go through it with you, I never asked mine in hindsight it may have helped me a lot and I should have done so. My OB and I did discuss my DD1 emergency c/s when I was pregnant with DD2, but we didnt go into details, all I said was I do not want to go through that again so elect c/s was decided due to my complications I wouldnt be able to give birth naturally. So I guess I got my answers then. I guess it depends why they decided emergency c/s, was your baby in disstress, what your body in distress? did the baby get stuck in my pelvic bone and couldnt move like mine? so many questions I can understand why you would like to de-brief. Wishing you all the best, and hope you get some answers xxx

[Astrid]

I debreifed when I was pregnant with DD2. Part of my midwife visits were discussing the past and what I wanted to happen this time round. I found it very helpful and got a lot more answers about what happened. Just my description of what went on was enough for them to give some good feedback.

It was so worth discussing things with them, as it meant that when I needed another emergency c-section (due to other issues), we were more in control and able to have a better experience overall.

[farmgirl77]

Thanks for the replies. I asked my DH last night what he thought about the debrief and 1. he though talk to the OB, and 2. he said it was pretty clear than nothing was happening (I did not dilate past 4cm, and my waters had been broken for 24hrs) - so it was the best option. I'm not sure about talking to the Ob, I dont know that he will be objective as I know that he is pro c-section (I did not have any choice but to go to him, and really we were happy with his care). I guess I want some independence in the option. I guess that I'll just sit on it for a bit longer and ponder what to do. I think that if we were to have another baby I would really need to sort this out before the birth!

[HotI]

Not sure if this applies to you, but the Royal Women's Hospital in Melbourne has a designated Birth Reflections Service for women who birthed at the hospital. If you were at a different hospital, perhaps they also have a similar service?

Birth Reflections Service

I understand your need to talk to someone knowledgeable of your situation, but also independent of the events. Whilst my DH is aware of my disappointment/concerns, i don't think he truly gets the intensity of my feelings surrounding the birth. I think sometimes men focus more on practicalities/things they can fix and don't always get how debriefing an event can really be beneficial. If this is something that you still have questions about, i hope you can find someone who can help you get answers.

[farmgirl77]

Kate - thanks very much for the link to the reflections service - it looks like a great initiative. Unfortunatly I our baby was born in Regional Vic and I dont think they have a similar service - but I am going to ask (and give them the web link that you provided as a hint).

[*star*]

Hey farmgirl! Sorry I didn't see this thread earlier.

I was like you - immediately after my emergency c-section I "knew" it had been the "right" thing to do for me and my baby. But the more I thought about the birth I missed out on the more it began to hurt.

I highly recommend getting a copy of your pregnancy record, labour and birth notes from the hospital. You can do this under the freedom of information act. Re-reading them made me re-understand the situation I was in and forgive myself a bit more for what happened. Although I haven't yet spoken to anyone professional about the experience, I fully intend to now as I am 3 months pregnant and planning a VBAC this time around. I hope to speak to both my midwife for this pregnancy and a doula that I hope to hire and get some fresh perspective.

I am also reading Silent Knife at the moment and getting a key message out of it that I did what I did because of love for my baby and me wanting to protect it.

Unfortunately I don't know any more about whether you could speak to anyone, but I agree that you have to give it a go and to release from it will be best for you and your baby now and your next pregnancy.

Big hugs!

[farmgirl77]

Hi Star,
Thanks for the post. I have decided (and started) to get my records through FOI - the woman at the hospital was really helpful and is sending me out the paperwork so I can apply for them. I was really hesitent still, but I was talking to a friend who is a midwife about if she thought the hospital would talk to me or not, and she offered to have a look and talk me through my records. I had not asked her as I did not want to put her in a difficult position if she felt uncomfortable, but as she offered I said yes. So given that I now have someone to talk to about what happened in a technical sense, I have decided to get the records. Feel nervous about what I will read, but am glad that you found it useful!

Congrats on your pg, and hope that you have a great nine months and VBAC! I hope that you get the support and help you deserve from those around you in terms of your birth.

Best wishes.
FG
I am going to look up that book as well - thanks again.

[~Raven~]

Contact the hospital and ask to speak to a counsellor or chaplain if they have one too. I found doing that helped me work through the trauma and depression I suffered due to post birth complications after DD was born (I didn't have c/sect but had PPH).
While it will help you to work through the technical aspects immensely, the chaplain I spoke to was wonderful in the way she understood the medical parts moreso than a regular person and helped me to come to terms with my feelings easier I felt. She also liased with the midwives and found out a bit about what happened from their POV. eg I needed to know why things happened and how they reacted at the time etc.

[RoyaUK]

You've been given good advice here to get a hold of your hospital records. I have had 3 (unwanted) c-sections and got copies of my hospital records before DD3 was born. Bear in mind that your records will not be the complete story. In fact some things may be incorrect (i speak from experience and that of others on BB -there's a thread about it somewhere!). Your own and your DH recollection should fill in the gaps. I personally found some of it useful to have but my memory of conversations with midwives and the registrar on duty were different to some of the things written.

From my experience, whilst i was in hospital with DD3 i asked to see my records - which were right in front of me on the midwives desk - and was told i couldn't but would have to apply under FOI. VERY FRUSTRATING!!

I spoke with an independent midwife who took me through my records before DD3 and she actually highlighted things that hadn't occured to me so it was very useful to debrief with someone who wasn't there but could piece together the situation with my memory and the hospital records.

I have debriefed a few times with different people (midwife, friends, birth counsellor) and found it healing as the disappointment and grief you may feel, after an unexpected outcome such as a c-section, takes time to learn to accept and come to terms with. It's been very valuable to me as I desparately wanted a VBA2C and it didn't happen. I was given some good ideas for coming to terms with it from debriefing with others.

Take care & good luck