I just agreed to have a section... but I dont want it...

[rufalina]

And I am not sure if I am ready to make that choice.

I just wanted to have a go at a vbac.

But things are not looking favourable. This bub has been in the same position for months, and there is no action at all. My Dr is 100% happy for me to go till 4th jan, but he feels that on that date he will be having me in for an emergency section, and my logical mind tells me that having an earlier scheduled section is the better way forward.

I know what I am up for and I have help and support with me for the next month, but why is my heart breaking. Why does this feel like I am just giving into all the pressure, and will I be able to live with it.

First time round I was 100% fine with the elective section. But the second I fell pg this time, I thought to myself that I would VBAC. But here I am booking an elective section, and I feel like I am failing before I start.

I will never have the experience of a contraction, or that wet slippery newborn on my chest, or that wow I did it feeling. Can I live with this????

My Dr said I can pull out of the section at any time, so I can sleep on this and make a decision tomorrow... or friday... I am just so torn...

What do I do? How do I reconcile this decision with myself? What should I do? So confused and torn....

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Arimeh]

Aww babe, I don't really have any advice for you... but I'm here if you want to vent over the phone? I don't mind PMing you my phone number if you need to chat about it.

I had to make the decision for Miss M as well - elective c-section or gentle induction which probably would have led to an emergency section anyway. So I've been where you are

[Spring Angel]

Sweetie, it is a decision only you can make however reading between the lines it seems to me that you are not ready for a c-section on Friday. There is no harm in delaying it until you either decide to wait for spontaneous labour, or feel more at ease with the decision to have a c-section. Don't forget 4 Jan is still a while away.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Spring xx

[{sarah}]

This is the way I would think about it, please don't think I am telling you what to do because it's your decision ultimately, but if it were me I would do this...

I would have a lovely Christmas with family & not be recovering from a c/s if I had the choice. I would wait until the 4th. I'd relax & try some natural induction methods - accupuncture, massage etc etc over the next two weeks. If I was sure I wanted a VBAC, I wouldn't take the earlier date when there has been a later date offered. It's another two weeks to allow bub to make their appearance. Who knows with a definitive end in sight bub might surprise you! I know once everything was organised for my "induction" (AROM) with miss J, I relaxed & my waters broke that night.

Again, totally up to you & you know everyone here will support you in whatever you choose, this is just the way that I would proceed if it were my pregnancy Good luck with your decision hun. It sucks that you have to make it, but I'm sure whichever way you go, it will be the perfect decision for you, the new bub & your family

[Jakabella]

Hugs babe - no advice exept follow your heart. I hope it all works out the way that you would like!

Kate xox

[~mamaspice~]

Rufalina, it's a hard decision. If you and bub are plodding along healthily, what if you scheduled a C Section for 4th January? That way you'd be giving your body more time to go into spontaneous labour and you've still got the safety net of the booked section there if you ended up needing it. Just a thought.

[Emma1979]

hi there
what is the reason for the schedule c-section, is baby breech??

if it were me i think i'd wait for spontaneous labour to at least have the surprise component, and to feel what contractions and labour are like, then perhaps have the c-section if VBAC isn't an option...

i think anyone that is having doubts about an elective c-section speaks volumes and should seriously consider a VBAC, but i don't know your situation.... good luck, i'm due a few days after you and attempting a VBAC.

[Jas]

Rufalina,

I agree, I don't think it sounds like you are ready to have a c/section on friday. If you are unsure I would wait to think longer about it. If the baby is breech this is something that could change, have they tried manually turning the baby? have u tried some of the natural ways to turn your baby?

Can I ask why you would need an emergency c/s on the 4th? Is there any reason you can't just wait it out with monitoring etc

[~Kaz~]

Hun only you can know what you're able to live with and what you will probably regret. I agree with Sarah's post but of course, it is really your body and your choice. I wonder why your logical mind says go with this Friday? Your heart sounds like you want to leave it until the 4th Jan and give yourself every chance to VBAC. (Just my reading of your post).

I agreed to an induction on a Friday afternoon (scheduled for the Monday). I thought about it over the weekend and felt a bit like you. I was pretty uncomfortable with rushing, I felt I was being rushed and I felt a bit pressured. I negotiated to put the induction off until the Friday and bought myself another 4 days. The next morning, I went into labour spontaneously. I still ended up with a cs, but I know I gave myself and DS every chance to do it vaginally and I laboured for a long time naturally which I will always be grateful for. I think if I'd been induced, given what eventuated, I would have been guaranteed the cs and I wouldn't have experienced labour like I did (at home, drug free etc).

Not sure if my experience will help you at all but I am really glad I had a couple of days to think things over. Take the next day or two to decide. You'll know what's right.

[Kitt3n]

Oh beautiful

Hun you really don't sound ready. I know this is so very hard for you - but if all is travelling OK do you think you will be OK to wait till Jan?

What is YOUR gut feeling as to how that will impact you ?

[~Trish~]

Hi Rufalina, I hope you don't mind me posting in your thread . I think everyone has given you some great advice. You don't sound like you are ready to make that decision so soon, you really need to feel peace about your decision. Would you consider waiting until the 4th and seeing what happens?

I know, from what I've read from you, that you have really been wanting to try for a VBAC. It sounds like your Obs negative outlook:

but he feels that on that date he will be having me in for an emergency section

has put a seed of doubt into your mind? I'm sure he was being lovely and caring about you, but when you feel someone important doesn't have faith in you, it's easy to believe them . He could very well be right, or he could very well be wrong! Do you think it's worth giving it a shot, aiming for your much wanted VBAC believing in yourself and your bub rather than your Ob? Could you try natural ways to move your bub? Have you read techniques on the spinning babies website?

Sorry, I hope I don't sound like I'm pushing you! I just wanted to put some thoughts out there for you to help with your decision making. I think we all want you to be at peace with whichever way you choose to birth your baby and only you can decide .

If you choose to go for your VBAC we will all be your cheering squad, if you choose to go for a c/s we will still be here to cheer you on!

Best of luck deciding

[feeb]

If you don't feel ready for cs don't have it!!!!!

What is Dr's reasoning for not wanting to wait and see till at least EDD???

You need to be comfortable with what ever you decide and if baby and you are both safe and healthy there is no rush to jump in and do a cs if that is not what you want.

good luck

[Fleur]

Oh hun
As everyone else has said, it really doesn't sound as though you are ready for a CS on Friday.

Is there any reason your OB wants to do the CS now, instead of waiting? The 4th Jan is still over 2 weeks away.
A lot can change in two weeks... hell, a lot can change in two days as I very well know...

You can have an emergency CS & still have an empowered CS, IYKWIM? How do you think you would be if you treid for a VBAC & it ended in a CS? Would it be enough to know you gave it a shot?

I will never have the experience of a contraction, or that wet slippery newborn on my chest, or that wow I did it feeling. Can I live with this????

my heart broke for you when I read this... whichever choice you make, I hope you find peace with it

[fourthontheway]

You don't want the surgery? Cancel it. You're in charge of your body

I would be seeking a second opinion from a care provider who did not specialise in surgery - a midwife. See what a midwife says about your chances before you go ahead and make the decision - one that you are clearly unhappy about.

If you decide to have a vbac your doctor must enable that, not pressure you into surgery. Vbac is far safer for you and your baby than repeat surgery, and study after study prove that.

Lots of love to you. The last thing you need at this late stage of pregnancy is pressure! Make your decision, and stick to your guns. Good luck!

(ps. I had a vba2 - it was amazing, I'm not planning another birth at home and I can't wait!!!)

[rufalina]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I have been reading them through the afternoon and taking all of your thoughts in. Means a lot . I also did a good amount of cathartic cleaning and washing and crying, so am feeling a little more stable. Still not decisive, but more settled.

Last time I had an elective section on my edd. It was done as my body does not handle physical stress well, which is why we are talking going early again. My edd is 24/12, and that is not possible to have the section electively on that day at the hospital.

My OB is 100% behind my VBAC, and infact he said if I am not 100% with the decision to have the section on Friday I should wait till the 4th. But, on the 4th I would have to be admitted as an emergency and wait for a surgery slot and a bed, and it would be with his locum. Trish, you are right, he did make it sound hard and painful and inconvenient, but more for me than him.

I think, the thing I have come to over the course of the afternoon, is that part of this is about me, and part of this is about everyone else. As far as the family goes, I know logically, that having the section on Friday will be the best thing. I have DH with me on holidays for 3 weeks, and then my mum for the next 2. So I will not be alone to deal with my recovery, and to entertain DS1. I also know I healed well last time, and that, really when I look back on it, I had a really great section experience. It was positive, and I know I can have that again.

My part is that I am the the one having the concerns about the never "birthing" my babies, but that is a personal thing that I am going to have to come to terms with. But this is the thing holding me back. I am pretty sure I can find a way to live with it, but ugh, there is still the what if... But again, I look at DS1 and he is perfect, even with the elective section, and I wonder why I am holding back...

Bub is ROA, and very high, and has been for months. He hasn't moved at all. I have done all I can think of (thanks to spinning babies), to help him come forward and down, swimming, on all fours, pelvic rocking, sitting positions etc, but still nothing. My OB says cause I didn't labour at all last time, this is kind of like first time again, which is why he thinks I am not really going to go anywhere.

Going to have a good chat to DH tonight, and try and get him to stop being "supportive" by doing what I want, and to really talk it through with me.

Will keep you all posted, and thank you again for your understanding.

[Laranna]

Ruf...it sounds like you know what is right for you but that doesn't negate all your feelings about it all. We are here to help you work through it though. Sending you labour vibes before Friday Will be thinking of you xox

[{sarah}]

My part is that I am the the one having the concerns about the never "birthing" my babies, but that is a personal thing that I am going to have to come to terms with. But this is the thing holding me back. I am pretty sure I can find a way to live with it, but ugh, there is still the what if... But again, I look at DS1 and he is perfect, even with the elective section, and I wonder why I am holding back...

This is the biggest issue for most c/s mummies. It is hard, very very hard to reconcile yourself with the fact that you had no part in your baby coming into the world out of your body. Now you have the added challenge of trying to do that in the next few days. Can you make a birth plan that allows you skin to skin contact straight away? You mentioned that as an issue for you. Do you think that maybe having a maternal assisted c/s would help? Maybe that will help with the "I did it" feeling, if you help pull bub out of your body?

At the end of the day you have to decide what you can live with, what your heart & mind can cope with as well as your body. You know your body can handle a c/s, you've been there & done that already, you just have to work out what is best for your emotionally now. FWIW, I've decided on an elective c/s for this little one because I know my heart would just break if I had another failed VBAC attempt.

[AliB]

Ruf

I've seen some of your posts in the past and noted your 'aiming for a VBAC' sig... so sorry to hear how things are going.

I wanted to post because I think you have the same OB as me - Dr Morris? He's a good bloke and I understand why you're guided by his advice. And also I know that his advice is never pushy, just gently guiding and very supportive. Also that you have medical issues to deal with that Dr M would no doubt have been working with you on... so I totally understand it's not as simple as getting a second opinion or ignoring a 'knife-happy' OB

When I saw Dr M yesterday I was shocked to hear that my bub has gone to breech after 2 months of being 'fully engaged', and was amazed at what he said to me: "Don't worry, your baby will turn... I want you to picture him turning, visualise yourself standing up and giving birth to your baby head first..." (as i'd just been quizzing him about birth positions). So I think you're in great hands really and I understand why you'd be keen to stick with him and not a locum.

What made an impression on me in your last post is something you said that I'm already telling myself "just in case" : "But again, I look at DS1 and he is perfect, even with the elective section, and I wonder why I am holding back..."

All the best with your tough decisions and I hope to meet you and your perfect new December or January baby in the inner west 'walking' group in 2010

xoxo