N2L could you clarify please? I keep re reading but can't work out how I was meant to receive your statements. Hmmm. probably my fault.

I don't really feel proud of what I endured. I don't know what I feel, but it isn't pride. I feel kind of ashamed and violated. Precious moments with DS were lost forever, and that just sucks. Of course mine wasn't a routine delivery, so my emotions may differ from others. I hope one day I can be proud. I am however proud of the strength I found within myself to stay focussed on DS and my ability to retain my emotional health.
and lots more from me forshelby

Adding to mine :I still have the 'I can't birth my child/ren naturally and that sucks and I feel like I've failed' moments, but know I can't blame myself because I needed my c-section which saved my sons life (and mine in a sense) and will be having an elective c-section for this bubba because, again, I can not medically give birth naturally.. But now I know what goes on when having a c-section, I'll feel better bout it