my scar says,

inspite of planning for a home water birth,
inspite of labouring for 29 hours in the pool, inspite of trying so hard to deliver naturally, at home,
Bandl's Ring happened to my uterus during labour,
and it cannot be diagnosed or acted on, without a c-section,
so the decision to do an emergency c-section (in a hospital with bright lights, many complete strangers, with "lost" hospital records, without my midwife who flew interstate on the day),
made it possible for the medical people to realise Bandl's Ring was occurring,
and to do the things they had to do to react immed and save both our lives.

It was very traumatic, painful,
made recovery take many many months,
it was not easy being an invalid, when you need to look after your nb simultaneously
i could not even stand up long enough to bathe my own child, for the first year.
But she is alive, and i am alive.

i still cannot bring myself to look at the scar (six years later).

i had one chance to get it right, and i blew it.
Some people said to me after "what did you expect, you left it too late". like i CHOSE to have my one and only child, at that age.