I have had 5 natural, drug free births and then had to have 2 emergency c-sections, one classical which meant that I could never have a vaginal birth again.
When I fell pregnant with my 8th bub I was very disappointed that I would have to have another c-section, it was hard to accept.
But unfortunately my baby passed at 17w2d and they allowed him to vaginally...which I was grateful for.
My views have changed a little and if things could be different I would take that chance at the c-section with hands open if I could have him in my arms.
This is no disrespect to anyone, I know how emotive this topic is, this is just my experiences.
Birth disappointment is a type of grief, you grieve for what the dreams and hopes you had.
Hopefully Charlotte your grief has eased with time.