Fiona - I'm off to bed for the night, but will come back when I can to join in properly. I'm facing (or have faced) a similar decision, and have decided that as much as I want a natural birth, my reasons for wanting it are less because of the spiritual aspect of it and more because of the potential for ease of recovery and immediacy of bonding. I am in a situation where the circumstances which led to my son's birth by emergency c/s after a long labour do not appear to be situational but rather inherent, but it's impossible to tell without going through labour. Given that the difficult recovery I had last time was related more to the 'emergency' part of the c/s rather than exclusively because of the c/s, and the impact of this on my ability to bond with my son (an extended lack of mobility on my part which made it physically difficult to interact with him), I have decided that I am more likely to have an empowering birth by elective c/s than by undertaking labour when there is as much likelihood that it will end in emergency c/s again as that it won't.

To be honest, fear of labour plays no part in my decision - pragmatism does. But I also believe that an amount of success in VBAC is trust in one's body's ability to achieve a VBAC, and in my case the jury is certainly out on that front. The amount of willpower and confidence I bring to this is nothing if there is good evidence to suggest that my body is simply not going to co-operate. I don't fear the consequences of a labour that doesn't succeed, but I am fully aware of the practical impact it had last time and on my ability to parent.

I've been able to plan for the most positive c/s experience than I can, and know that although my recovery will probably be more difficult than if I had a successful natural birth, it is also likely to be much less difficult than if I had another emergency c/s. I've been lucky in that I've got care providers who are supporting me whether my decision is to attempt VBAC or for an elective c/s,

Perhaps I can help you through this process to a point where you are able to make a decision you can be happy with, whatever that decision may be. If you want to ask me any questions about the process I've taken, ask away.