I'm a little embarrassed that I've turned this thread into a me, me, me thing but I trust the wise women on BB much more than my IRL friends who have not faced similar dilemmas.

It also prompted me to have a 50-minute consultation with my physio this morning specifically about the birth rather than my usual pilates where we touch on it briefly but usually still leaves me with unanswered questions.

So, I have more information to hand which is terrific.

My physio tells me that it's not the length of the labour that damages the pelvis but the length of the pushing stage and the position. I sort of knew this but it was good to have it spelt out. She agrees with me that the position I was in last time (knees open against chest), the length of time (3 hours) and the fact that DD didn't actually move with very much which ended in a high forceps delivery would have caused a lot of damage resulting in the lengthy recovery. She said that each push in effect strains the pelvis and it is strained even more if you are in a position which is inherently bad for you.

However, she says that women who are in good positions with a very short pushing phase often go on to have very fast recoveries. That's why usually they advocate a VB.

On the other hand, they normally tell people that caesareans take longer to recover from because the muscle has been cut. You need your muscles to be strong to support your pelvis. Even though your pelvis won't be damaged from a caesarean, the muscles will be. She says if you do all the right things then the muscles could be recovered within a few weeks, if you do nothing up to a few months.

She said in my case I have a few things to consider. Firstly, considering I had a long pushing stage last time with a big baby which ended up with forceps anyway, some people would say that it's likely that I will have a long pushing stage again which may in any case end up in a caesarean.

She said that if I do want to try for a VB then I have to ensure that I have a very strict birth plan that spells out what positions I can be in and have to put a time limit on the pushing of 20 mintues tops.

So, I think my next steps are to talk to do more research on whether a long, ultimately fruitless pushing stage first time around means that a second birth is likely to follow a similar route. I also need to go make an appointment with the Birth Advisor at the hospital and explain my fears and find out what exactly happens if the baby's not out in 20 minutes ie. will I be forced to "just push for 10 mins more" if they're not set up for a caesar etc. etc.

I think I now understand why the midwives I spoke to were advocating an elective caesarean after hearing my history.

So, I'm very happy. I still haven't made a decision but I feel like I have got some decent information.