A general comment on BB and the views which are advocated here:

Kelly and her team do a ripper job of providing a place for support for mothers (and fathers) no matter what their various persuasions, opinions and so on. Having been fortunate enough to have been given the opportunity to be a mod a while ago, I know from personal experience that in the very rare event that when a member makes a very judgmental or unkind comment about another's choices, that it is dealt with swiftly and professionally. I don't think the commitment nor the integrity of any of the team can be called into question because they are all united in being supportive.

I think the 'problem' on BB, and indeed on other forums (fora, whatever) is the situation whereby members submit to what I would term experience grading, and a willingness to self chastise; I've commented on this before. Every time anyone adds to/sympathises with a thread where a member is running themselves down because they had a c/s, a failed VBAC, a hard vag birth, problems with b/f etc etc, they are compounding the problem. This creates an underlying culture where unwarranted self criticism and unnecessary judgment is validated and even encouraged. It's a culture I've been all to aware of since I started here, and something which really concerns and disappoints me. So many mothers tie themselves up in knots thinking they've failed, when in reality they are all winners. If you can't do something, you can't do it. End of. Self flagellation will get you nowhere, yet it is a strong undercurrent here. Everyone is so keen to compare, to evaluate, to judge; that is where the perception of negativity comes from, and I think that is what is being alluded to in many cases. Continual reinforcement by members of the bad aspects of c/s, and "breast is best" etc is extremely repetitious, very droll, and not at all useful. We know, so let it go.

No two experiences will ever be the same, and trying to stack each one up against the other is doomed to failure and counter-productive to the whole purpose of this site. I think this is particularly evident with people listing in their sigs that they have cloth bummed, drug free vag birthed, b/f'ed, co-sleeping, sling worn, blah blah blah babies. It creates cliques and unintentional divisions and competitions and creates a very self conscious and defensive culture. Be proud of your achievements, but be modest too.

Please don't take this as a slag off, or me having a rip at anyone - it's a very general comment coming from the perspective of a childless male - and I reckon that gives me the ability to stand on the outside and look in a lot better than many of you. Feel free to write me off as a DH, I won't be offended, but for God's sake just give yourselves a break and relax. Blokes on the one hand are often hopelessly inadequate at self analysis and dealing with deeper emotional issues, whereas you lot make an art form out of it and make it much harder on yourselves than it need be.

Peace out.
Slyder, while i do see what you are saying- see my sig for evidence of that- I just have to put this out there (I was going to let it END, but it's been bugging me, ok?)

What you are referring to in the last paragraph there, the analysis (over analyisis, if you will) of ourselves, and the exploration of the deeper issues, is one of the things I love about BB. Because how often can we do that, IRL? So often IRL, issues that women have are swept under the carpet- how they feel or felt about birth, how they feel about breast feeding or bottle feeding... It's a bit taboo, and no one talks about the bad bits. Women IRL find it difficult to talk about being dissatisfied by their birth experience, and a lot of the time that's because they are told "But you and your baby came out ok, so it's all good".I think it's powerful to acknowedledge that this is not always the case- while the safety and well being of mum and bubs is optimum, it's also ok to feel dissapointed or sad by the way things went, if that's how you feel. And while it is difficult for women to get that acknwoledgment IRL, places like BB are very, very important.

I dunno...maybe it's a chick thing?