In praise of the C-Section

[Inanna]

I think it curious that you want this convo to end Billy Ocean! What are you fearing in this debate - this sharing of opinions that thus far largely has been respectful? Oh no no end yet my friend!

I hear your observations Slyder & I think I understand what you are saying...

Am I right to believe that you feel that people stating their "birthing or parenting acheivements in signatures could be seen as gloating?
That perhaps the way women see their birth as bad or good could add to the feeling of not meeting the mark - so to speak?

I can see how signatures could be perceived as gloating - however I can also see how the pride & acheivement of an empowered birth is just as likely to be the reason... Or perhaps affording women the opportunity to state their personal views - choices in birth and parenting?

I know it's not about gloating for most women in here. I know for every woman who chooses to birth in water there is another person outraged at her "dangerous" choice. Or "silly attitude". I have been called that & much worse! For every woman who sees it important to honour birthin a sacred manner there is another who will whisper about wierdness and bizarre ritual... I had a blessingway for a local woman at my house. Quickly the news spread of witchcraft & bizarre rituals... Which of course in a way it is witch craft - in that it is a way to honour the natural cycles and sacredness of birth! But it highlighted to me just how out of touch our society is! To me and many women it is natural to honour birth - but trust me Slyder to stand up and honour birth and it's rites is to be ridiculed, laughed at and scoffed at... It's sad to me.

I have been called "perverse" for including my children in the births of their siblings - I really do get being on the outside. For out there in the real world it is normal to have an epidural/surgical birth & bottle feed. It is "normal" to just want whatever is deemed "best" by the system. Here at BB we have a middle ground. A place that asks... Is it really necessary? Is it really factual? How do YOU the consumer feel? What do YOU the consumer want? What is the most healthful? What is safer: etc etc.

So, I get that those that choose a more medical birth "feel" unsupported. At least I hear that they do. However, gently and with complete kindness I hit that back... That a perception is the responsiblity of the perceiver. I will support all birth choices. But I will not be silent about the importance of knowledge, education and the honouring of the sacred rite of birth! I also will not say that breast is an option... Breast is best. I know, understand, empathise and support that some women find Breastfeeding difficult or are unable to, or make a choice not to. But we cannot ask that we don't talk about the goodness, the "bestness" of it!

It would be like saying: "some choose to smoke cigarettes so we shouldn't talk about the affect of passive smoke on their kids, the hightened risk of SIDS, of cancer, of heart disease. We should because it's a fact. Just like its a fact that in the absence of fetal distress or maternal dis ease a natural birth is best for baby & mother almost always.

That is not berating those that choose to c/section or milk substitute feed. It's stating a fact.

I think we need to move enough from our body of pain that we can see that when we are offended by the choices of others, by the opinions of others (especially when supported by strong evidence) then we have a wound that we need to attend to.

We all have them. I have them. We all have them. They are different for us all. But we cannot not be proud of our acheivements, seek to stretch others and ourselves, educate, inform and support without standing strong in our ideals.

If a woman reads and informs herself that natural birth is statisitcally healthier for her & her child & her birth results in surgery... She needs to work through that. She cannot go back & shoot the messenger that helped in her education! Well of course she can - but is that fair?

It's like knowing it's healthier to not smoke, learning about the risks and the diseases it can promote. Then smoking and blaming the education for your disappointment. (not quite the same I know as some c/sections are absolutley necessary unlike smoking...)

But do you get my drift?

Like Schmick I hold similar values, but will never tire of discussing them, learning from others, hearing stories and perspectives & being stretched.

We cannot & should not (I hope Kelly at least... ) become a community that we pussy foot around our ideals so that those who are wounded don't get annoyed. Because that would prevent learning and growth for all of us. For the wounded one, for the community, for the whole.

We need to move far enough away from the knee jerk reaction that when we are hurt it's someone elses fault. When we feel guilt or blame or fear then we seek to find a culprit.

I had a c/section that I had to heal from. The fact it was a medical necessity didn't take the pain of the lack of birthing (as I saw it for me) away. I had to work through it. My responsibility. I knew, know and believe that at any time I could & did reach out to the women in my community both where I live, distant friends and here on line. To rehash, understand and seek healing.
I have never once felt that I would not be welcomed & loved & supported.

I hear that some people don't feel like that. But I wonder if that is about them & their wound & pain. Or is it that we as a site are not supportive? I know that as part of the Moderation team - & a passionate part! That we as a team work hard to provide a loving & supportive environment.

So, I hope I have made sense - & again Slyder I appreciate deeply your contribution to this thread & your eloquent & respectful posts...