Um, CD its because it isn't what she wanted. No one said anything about c/s being second rate.
Did you read the OP at all? There are many reasons Starry feels like this and all valid. I'm sure 8 years from now she will be over it all (I hope anyway hunny xoxox), but its still raw.
CD - Many women need to debrief traumatic and disappointing births, vaginal and c/s. Just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean you can dismiss how someone else is feeling after a birth that they found upsetting or disappointing. As this thread and many in the debrief forums have shown, lots of women need to grieve and talk about how they are feeling about what should be the happiest day of their lives but for whatever reason goes different to plan.
I have a healthy, loving boy, now almost 2, and still can't face thinking about his birth. I think it depends not only on your own wishes but how you're treated and if you're respected at all, not just if you end up in theatre or not. Your care has a lot more to do with it than how your baby arrives - if you can even acknowledge you have a baby after all of that.
I'd love to think that in another 6 years I'd be able to view DS as my son, that I could think about our stay in hospital without crying and shaking and the like, but just because you don't experience that doesn't mean it's wrong so to do.
Oh Starrysky, . I felt exactly the same as you sweetie. It is totally normal to grieve your lost birth experience. Thank god for Bellybelly because no-one seemed to understand how I felt until I found this site and got it all out.
The sadness of what you lost may never go away but time will help you come to terms with it better, I promise.
Thankyou so much for your support girls.
spice- I so know what you mean, if not for bellybelly, I dont know how I would cope!
I am starting slowly to feel better about the whole thing, like someone said earlier, there is no point on focusing on the what ifs, what could I have done differently and so on. I just tell myself I will know better next time, and not beat myself up about the day that should be the most wonderful day of my life.
I do understand that for some people a c-section is an accepted birth experience and I have nothing against them or that fact, I am sure that it potentially could be a fantastic way to have a baby, but for me it was not expected and not a welcome surprise. I never even once entertained the fact that I would be having a cesarean. I t is definately something I would tell any pg friends to think about.
so anyway- emotionally, I am coping a lot better, I had it out with dp about how I really felt and why I felt that way, I cant say he understands but he at least listened.
physically- I am still sore, just a walk to the shops with bubs is enough to wear me out and make me very sore the next day, somedays even walking properly is hard, I have appointments next week for repeat ultrasounds to check on the blood collection from the internal bleeding, and also my 6 week checkup. lets hope its all ok.
the swelling is finally going down but still is alternatively numb or extremely painfull, that is probably the worst bit, dp had a habit of rubbing my belly when I was pregnant and now when he does it I could just about scream in pain.
so, thanks again, you people are great, I hope that one day in some small way I can help you the way you have all helped me.
xxx
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I hope that one day in some small way I can help you the way you have all helped me.
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