Regarding the school issue, if it was something that you both agreed to when you were together, i think it is reasonable to expect that he would pay half of the fee's.
The extracurricular activities, is that $300 each? (not that it really matter) are the activities something that he feels are important to is DD? i dont think that is unreasonable either
Now, going to throw my 2 cents in here, its not directed at you in any way, so please dont take it personally...
The income of the 'new' wife had nothing to do with Child Support assessments, nor should a combined income be looked at. In my situation i was earning a higher income than my DH, we bought a house together (i paid the majority of the deposit) and we were hauled in for an interview and she wanted more money. Every time DSS went home and spoke about any renos that we were doing, we would be asked for money... Can you see it from the other side, do you have a house that you have bought with your new DH? Would it be fair if C/S based the amount that you were contributing if they included your DH's earnings too...
I think that the costs of the child should be evenly split to a point, in your situation, you are obviously providing for your DD and significantly contributing to the cost of raising her - in our situation, DSS mum does not work and refuses to as she says that its too stressful, DSS is 10 and in the 8 years i have been with DH she has worked possibly a year (and he has been in full time day care and then school since the age of 2), she expects us to fork out money for extra activities, yet refuses to contribute (best example is last month she asked for extra $ as she couldnt afford to buy him new runners, i added an extra $50 to the c/s payment and he still hasnt got new shoes, but she has ) So i see this very differently, but situations are very different.
I dont think that you are being unreasonable in asking for the money, I think that the private education is something that is so hard to enforce though... could you go to conciliation to discuss?
Also if you think that it is something that he and you agreed on, i am sure you could speak to the CSA regarding that... dental bill, i think that he should be asked to pay half (unless was something that wasnt really necessary like having something cosmetic) also the activities, its not that much a year...
I hope this helps
ETA - i took so long in writing that new posts popped up.
I dont think that finances really should be discussed with children, but you are right she is old enough to make her own decisions... we try not to discuss anything with DSS, its not really fair and is just something that can be used against the parent HOWEVER, i think they work it out anyway. Your DD will grow up knowing that it was you that paid for everything... she will know at some point, yes it wold be great for her to know know, but really who is it benefiting? she will work it out soon anyway know what i mean?
Last edited by Sammiejane; August 19th, 2008 at 10:04 PM.
Thanks SammieJane. I wanted to hear from both sides.. because I know myself, and I know I can sometimes be a lil pig headed.
OK... the step-mum hasn't worked for the 5 years they've been together, but has only just started. And me... until 18 months ago, I've worked fulltime night shift to support my family. I now do 2 PT jobs but my husband is the primary giver, so technically... he pays for DD even though legally he doesn't have to. You'd think a real man would be offended and say "o ****, another bloke is paying for my flesh and blood".. but ex doesn't.. he just lets it happen.
The activities - dancing $200pa, swimming $400pa, softball $150pa. All activities that DD has requested to do, nothing we chose. So the $300 asking is less than half i spose.
I think they see us (ex knows my DH is on good money) and think we can afford it. But it should be about his responsibility. We can afford things because we sacrafice alot for our kids. We don't drink or smoke. Ex and GF smoked up until recently.
When I was single, and needed something for DD that I couldn't afford. I would ask ex for help, but ask him to buy the item rather than give me the money. I covered my butt that way. And when ex worked out of state.. i used to ask him to get his mother to buy it and post it to DD.
Because of all the horror ex-wives out there that do what your DP ex is doing.. I've always tried to cover my butt and proove $$ are for DD.
) So i see this very differently, but situations are very different.
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