living on CL alone as a single mum - paying private rental - how do you do it?

[Gigi]

i am already on the Housing Trust wait list for housing, i'm Catergory Two. Have been told i could be waiting 20 years. The wait list is huge, even people in Catergory One have to wait three-four years. So little Public Housing stock left here, most has been sold off. Replacements are not being built.

I don't know about the "neighbourhood centre" - is this a NSW thing?

i hadn't taken Child Support into account Brigsy, bilby's father already pays around $85 per fortnight (last time i saw) for his other daughter, who lives with her mum. So many single parents talk about nonpayment of CS, i guess i was not counting on getting it. ANd bilby's dad has a big habit of getting years behind with his tax, so the annual child rebate thing, it's always late, due to his late tax returns - i mean YEARS late.

i am counting on the Housing Trust for any bond i will need.

i am terrified about how i will even compete in the private housing market. It is so competitive, often you have to pass a points system with a RE agency, before you get told if you are allowed to even view a prospective property. They prefer two working adults.

The community workers i have spoken to so far, say things like "who do you know who will help you move"? not, "there is help you can get for moving costs". i have no-one to help me with moving. Even the prospect of packing up, dividing up stuff, terrifies me right now. So many decisions to make, it really feels overwhelming.

i'm scared about ripping bilby out of her familiar activities e.g her childcare where she is really settled, she's just started a dance class that she loves. I want SOMETHING to stay familiar for her, it's bad enough to take her somewhere else to live, wihtout her daddy being there (she will freak). It will be such a shock for her. All she has ever known, is mummy sleeps in the bed, daddy sleeps on the sofa. so that's her normal. She has never lived with a mum and dad who love each other, who hug, sleep in same bed, kiss etc.

budget wise
i currently pay a set amount per fortnight for electricity, as agreed with electricity supplier
i pay the childcare by direct debit
no cable tv, don't drink or smoke (unless i get given a bottle of something nice for a birthday pressie),
i think i have alot to learn about menu planning, am finding that hard to grasp. I get pretty stressed out with recipes in general, but can follow simple ones. I've had a ABI (acquired brain injury) and the amount of organisation, to get the menu planning happening, seems to be beyond what i can handle. But i love the idea of it. have printed out heaps of stuff on it from belly belly.

the computer i use belongs to bilby's dad, so i can't imagine me having a computer, once i move out. unless he says i can have it (he has his own plus a laptop). so that will be up to him.

i will miss my online community SO MUCH once me and bilby are out. Being able to chat online like this, is one things i've been able to do, that is low cost and available to me (so far). I'm not as sociable in real life, as i meet people, then feel embarrassed i can't keep up with them financially, so i let the friendships die - due to my embarrassment.

the community workers i have spoken to, regard my situation as DV, but i hesitate to label it that, cos i know there are people much worse off than me. i don't know, i am doubting myself about alot of things. i am so worn down by the constant worrying and feeling trapped in this situation.

the good thing is that i have passed the Centrelink "separated under the same roof" form - the one i should have put in three years ago - but have been so confounded by the long form etc - finally got some help to fill it out - so now, Housing Trust can no longer knock me back for bond help. Got to find somewhere to rent first, somewhere in teh magic 35% of my income - that is their rule for helping people.

so much "unknown". i have no idea how much longer we will be here - so i can't plan anything. i ahve no idea WHERE we will ened up living. i have her booked into a primary school for 2012 - have no idea if we will even be close enough to that school, for her to actually go there.

i would love to rent somewhere close to public transport, as it is, i buy minimum petrol and only go short distances - but people look at me like "you're being too fussy" when i mention the "i would love to live close to a bus route" thing. It's so hard to get housing here. Let alone when money is the issue.

i think the community workers have "things up their sleeve" - like helping me with a 2nd hand fridge or wardrobe (from charities) once i get out, but they are not coming up with info re the other things some of you mention - like weekly rental help, removalist costs, utility bonds.

so many things to organise when you move - i've never gone thru all of that with a child before - i'm not even yet in the place to do this stuff, and i'm already getting tension headaches. i'm terrified on moving by myself and having panic attacks. (as has happened every other time i've moved house). i get so over anxious, i can't eat, sleep, think straight. (and that has been in situations where i WASN"T leaving a relationship, or doing the move with a child).

[*Infinity*]

Gigi, just wanted to offer my support and let you know that my thoughts are with you. None of these matters are ever easy and it sounds like its taken a lot of courage and strength to make some really tough decisions. Just remember, you're a great mum and you will always have Bilby & her needs as your priority

I'm not sure where in SA you are located or looking to move but I am aware that there are some housing cooperatives in suburbs that are close to the city, near public transport and shops etc, good schools & community centres, community gardens etc. Basically they're groups of houses or units where the rent is actually capped at around 25% of the tenants income. So it doesn't matter what you earn, you'll never pay more than that percentage of your income in rent. They're designed to support people exactly like you but they are often hard to come by and usually there are some waiting lists. But I would ask the community workers you've been dealing with about these type of arrangements. The Women's HOusing Assoc that MaryDean has outlined might be a good contact point too. If you've got a good support worker in your corner, often they can point you to these kind of opportunities. Feel free to PM me and I can let you know where my friend has been living in a housing co-op.

[Beatrix]

Gigi- hun Im here..

I have done this and will help you do it too... email me with when your free and i will come over.. you can even come here if you prefer it that way.

I have a budgets all written up, that i will share with you and will show you my meal planning etc..

xox

[tattoo_mama]

hun if youveleft a DV situation there is womens refuges. it sounds bad but they can actually be quite nice like little units and they will put you on the priority list for a govt house (over here in WA its about 18 month wait on priority). also have u got a social worker? if you can line one up thru womens legal service or something they can do all the running around/calling in regards to finding you housing etc. im not trying to brag but my SW got me a free car and free mac computer thru helpful organisations.

pls consider sharing, go onto the gumtree website i know its not preferable but u can prob find another single mum to share with xx

[Muffy]

Gigi, first of all big hugs to you!!

My rent is about 45% of my income
I also have a car loan and bills (set payments arranged with supplier) i pay out of my income too.
I still manage to have food in the cupboard, but you just miss out on all the nice things in life.

I have more advice for you, PM me if you want to chat xx

[Lulu]

Oh darling - I really understand how daunting this is for you, please remember every now and then WHY you are doing this - ok? It's the beginning of something new and lovely. I adore the idea of you and Bilby having a cosy little place of your own, the hurdles will be worth it, you know that xoxoxoxo

The things is with welfare agencies - there are many of them, but they don't tend to work together. You really need to cast your net out wide for help even if that means going through the list of welfare agencies in the phone book, or over the net. You can ring centrelink and them to tell you all the agencies in your area. They have a thing called Mapstat on their computers and they have it all in front of them.

Things will be different for Bilby, but that's just life hun. Things change, nothing stays the same. Children are incredibly adaptable and resilient. It will be so much better for her to have a less stressed mumma - remember the positives too.

On the meal planning - you are not the only one that finds it hard. I only meal plan for 3 days at a time - it's all too much for me otherwise.

Hang in there hun, you'll be able to see the light at the end of this long tunnel soon xoxoxoxo

[Just Me]

i think i have alot to learn about menu planning, am finding that hard to grasp. I get pretty stressed out with recipes in general, but can follow simple ones. I've had a ABI (acquired brain injury) and the amount of organisation, to get the menu planning happening, seems to be beyond what i can handle. But i love the idea of it. have printed out heaps of stuff on it from belly belly.

the computer i use belongs to bilby's dad, so i can't imagine me having a computer, once i move out. unless he says i can have it (he has his own plus a laptop). so that will be up to him.

i will miss my online community SO MUCH once me and bilby are out. Being able to chat online like this, is one things i've been able to do, that is low cost and available to me (so far). I'm not as sociable in real life, as i meet people, then feel embarrassed i can't keep up with them financially, so i let the friendships die - due to my embarrassment.

the good thing is that i have passed the Centrelink "separated under the same roof" form - the one i should have put in three years ago - but have been so confounded by the long form etc - finally got some help to fill it out - so now, Housing Trust can no longer knock me back for bond help. Got to find somewhere to rent first, somewhere in teh magic 35% of my income - that is their rule for helping people.

Oh Gigi, I am so sorry you are going through all of this

I don't know what your local library is like, but ours has free access to computers and the internet so you could still book in for a few sessions there a week and come on to chat to us.

There are a few community playgroups around the place - I go to one every week that costs $1 per family per week and includes morning tea for me and the kids. Contact some local churches because they often run cheap or free playgroups. It could be a good way of getting to know some of the other mums around the place.

Someone posted today about a blog called $120 Food Challenge. If you have a chance, take a look at that. It is still recipes and stuff, but the lady who runs it also lives of C'link and posts a new recipe everyday. She aims to make 14 meals, 4 desserts and 2 sweet treats a fortnight all for $120. It might help you do some of your menu planning. Otherwise, if you have an ABI, are you entitled to any further community assistance (not necessarily financial) like occupational therapists or other professionals or support that could help you learn skills like this. Maybe have a chat to your GP about it.

We also do online shopping now because it is saving us so much $$$ each week. We write a list, stick to what we need and because the amount tallies as we add things to our shopping list, we can see what we are spending as we go, rather than it being added up at the checkout.

I don't know anything about your situation, so forgive me if this is completely out of line and inappropriate, but is there anyway that you can keep living where you are for a while to save up some money and wait until you are feeling prepared to go. I am really sorry if that is the wrong thing to suggest and don't feel you have to justify yourself. If you can be clear in your head about how it is going to work, you might feel better about everything, but sometimes when you have to get out, you just have to get out and you can't stay.

I really hope that everything works out for you. I am thinking of you. It sounds like you are having a really difficult time and I hope you can find some answers and some peace. Huge huge .

[tiggerandpooh]

hi gigi, just wanted to give you a I know how daunting it is. as you know been there, doing that....

I cant say anymore then what everyone else as already said other then what I do every single day - I start the day with this mantra Trust. Forgive. Let go I know it may sound airy fairy, and isnt practical advice - but it is truely the one thing that has gotten me through - the numerous anxiety attacks that have threaten to undo me, the days of depression that have had me seeking my bed, the angst of not knowing how i was going to pay this, feed the kids etc etc etc.... everytime my head starts to spin i take a deep breath and say those words.

With you in spirit darling.